Perspective needed - I made another Mum cry yesterday.

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I need some help to decide if what I did was ok, I felt right about it in the moment but then this poor woman cried and I feel worried I did wrong. Tell me what you think.

I was at a busy playpark yesterday with lots of children. There is a tall treehouse thing which has a slide out of it. There are steps around the back to get up to it, but doing this is out of eyeline of the slide.
There was a small boy, probably nearly 3ish, at the top of the slide he wasn't coming down but wasn't letting anyone past. His mum was at the bottom of the slide cajoling him 'come down x, come on darling, ok well let the other children come down etc'. He wasn't moving, this continued for 3 or 4 minutes. During which time the queue of children waiting snaked all the way back through the tree house and down the step sections.

Not sure why, but then he turned and started to hit the other children around him. Really hitting hard, one little girl next to him in particular was getting beaten around the head and face. His mum then walked off around the back to go up and get him. Lots of parents at the foot of the slide were shouting at the little boy to stop hitting, there were 4 children crying from being attacked and he wasn't stopping. So I ran up the slide to get to him and took his hands and said 'don't hit them, it's not kind'. The mother then appears behind him and sharply tells me 'I can handle this'. She lifts him down the steps. I go back down the slide.

A few minutes later she appears beside me telling me she doesn't think I needed to intervene, that my child wasn't in danger from him. I told her that none of those children up there were my children actually, mine had changed her mind and left the queue. I calmly told her that he was hurting and scaring the children and I couldn't let him do that. She said 'he is very tired and only little' so I replied ' I totally understand that, we all have days like this, but I had to step in, he was really hurting them'. Then she burst into tears. I told her it was ok, we all have days like this. But then her friend came over, gave me an evil look and took her away.

I feel bad now that she cried, but I also feel like there were 4 children crying and scared. Did I do the wrong thing?

@Mariatequila you've just reminded me of the time I burst into tears in Marks and Spencer Simply Food because my then two-year-old was being a horror and the lady serving me was just.so.nice.to me.

@notacooldad I don't think it's unreasonable to think that maybe the child had SEN - the behavior sounds a bit familiar to some of who have DCs with SEN
A lot of people have just jumped on the comment that the child could have SEN and next thing it's as if it's fact. The person who commented before you suggested another theory- he was just scared.
Never mind, everyone is an expert on here with their arm chair diagnosis .

*He was obviously scared to go down the slide, and with a queue of people behind him and a load of parents shouting at him is it any wonder he lashed out - he's 3!

Perhaps the other parents could bear in mind not to let their children pressure other people's children for a go on things, but lead them away to play with something else until the way is clear*

🤦‍♀️ ffs!

The parents weren't shouting until he started hitting now we're they. I'm sure you would stand by and calmly watch while you dc got bashed arpund the head? The only thing that happened was there was a queue behind him, come on now get a grip. If a child can't handle a queue of people and starts punching lumps out them then there's not much hope for the world.

Whether the child has SEN or not doesn’t matter. Whatever the reason, the child was hurting other kids and needed to be stopped. He wasn’t being stopped quickly enough and you stopped him. It’s a no brainer. I would have stopped him too. I don’t believe that a person should ever just stand there doing nothing if someone is attacking others, whatever their age. The mum should have run up the slide as you did and dealt with it quickly but again probably found it all very stressful. We all know how hard being a parent can be. The mum really should have just lifted him and off when he wouldn’t go down the slide. He sounds like he was scared and felt pressured but other children’s safety was still important. The reasons behind it all are irrelevant. Kids were getting hurt and he was out of control. You sorted it. It was for his own good too that you did. And he might not have stopped his bad behaviour for his mum straight away, you know what kids are like. It might have calmed him more that you dealt with it. Who knows. Anyway. You did the right thing.

I do find it odd that people are saying that you shouldn't intervene because your child wasn't up there. I can't believe people will stand by and let others get hurt

you saw the mum was going to get him so why did you have to charge up the slide to intervene and shout at a 3 year old ..he probably felt stressed already as he was hesitant to
come down slide so obviously afraid and was surrounded by children so couldn’t get down .. a three year old isn’t going to explain a this verbally (excuse me so you mind letting me past so i can come down so sorry everyone ) so they communicate by hitting the nearest thing to them .. all the children around him . then some scary woman pounds up the slide and grabs him shouting at him
poor chap !!!!

Your child wasn’t even child involved - you should have kept out of it!

I find this attitude revolting.

It sounds like he has some SEN and was overwhelmed. Perhaps this was the first time he’d been in that situation so the mother didn’t know how to react or what was to come.

Either way what were the parents of the other children doing before you intervened? Why weren’t they taking responsibility for their own children? If you can see any child is that stressed and crowded why not remove your own child from the situation so that the stressed child can calm down?

I don’t think OP, the child’s mother or the any of the kids were in the wrong. If we’re in the business of raising kids then we should educate ourselves about how diverse humans can be and take responsibility for our own kids. It’s not ok to stand by watching a frightened 3 year old head into meltdown with our kids nearby and then yell at the scared child when the inevitable happens.

When I’ve been in similar situations I’ve asked my own kids to give the stressed out kid some space before it escalates. I think that’s what the spectating parents should have done.

YANBU: All adults have a responsibility to look after all children. You did the right thing.

Also, I see a few people are getting a bit eggy about the whole SEN thing. No one actually knows what the deal was with this little boy, including me, but suggesting it could be SEN is no worse or more presumptuous than assuming he’s just being a brat is it?

He may have had SEN, he might be a cared for child with a traumatic history and lots of anxiety, he might be grieving, he might have just been having a crappy day (all kids can have them).

I just think the other parents could have stepped in and taught their own kids how to give someone space when it’s appropriate. Sounds like no one would have got hurt had this have happened.

To be honest, I'd have given her a bollocking for leaving him up there for as long as she did before doing anything. I wouldn't have cared if she'd cried or not, she left it too long to intervene, and other people's kids were hurt.

The only reason to interfere would be to protect your child. Your child wasn’t there so you shouldn’t have interfered.

Absolute rubbish. Children were being hurt, OP stepped in.

FWIW I have been that parent with the frozen in fear child at the top of a slide. Repeatedly.

DD used to love going down the slide at our local park. No problem or hesitation at all. Until another child would get too close. Then she’d freeze and refuse to move off the top. Queue other child getting frustrated and giving her even less personal space.

Did I expect a 5 year old to understand personal space? Did I heck. I’ve climbed up the slide several times to get DD down when this has happened. And never left it more than about 30 seconds of cajoling before I’d step in - that’s a long time to expect other children to patiently wait.

then some scary woman pounds up the slide and grabs him shouting at him

I guess it's human nature to bridge gaps in information in a way that supports their own feelings/opinions, but OP never said she shouted.

His Mum was on her way to deal with the situation. As you said, she was there within “10 seconds” of you Going up the front of the slide and restraining him as a bystander was a bit dramatic and unnecessary in this situation. It also was potentially shocking & added to the distress of the child as well as undermining the Mum (& the other parents). YABU.

The only reason to interfere would be to protect your child. Your child wasn’t there so you shouldn’t have interfered

to put this in reverse - would you be fine with a 3yo hitting your toddler hard several times and no one stepping in to stop him? The principle is the same.

10 seconds to be repeatedly hit is quite a long time and quite a lot of hitting.

To be honest, I'd have given her a bollocking for leaving him up there for as long as she did before doing anything. I wouldn't have cared if she'd cried or not, she left it too long to intervene, and other people's kids were hurt.

^ more people should because it's not actually the child's fault it's the mothers/parents for not intervening faster. She should have apologised to everyone instead of crying like a spoilt child herself.

. a three year old isn’t going to explain a this verbally (excuse me so you mind letting me past so i can come down so sorry everyone ) so they communicate by hitting the nearest thing to them .. all the children around him . then some scary woman pounds up the slide and grabs him shouting at him
poor chap !!!!

Ah OP you shpuld have allowed him to carry on with his tantrum, knocking lumps out of the other kids.
Some people are acting as though OP charged up the slide like a raging bull screamed at the child and dragged him back from the slide.
The other children at the top of the slide were probably scared of what he was about to do next, clearly they don't matter though. Like a pp said it doesn't matter the boys circumstances, he needed to be stopped asap, the mother wasn't doing that.
Would you stand and watch a grown man beat the shit out of 4 other men who didn't seem to be defending themselves and say "Well he's probably had a tough upbringing" no he would be charged the same as everyone for assault.

I don’t think you should have touched the child. The other children could have been encouraged to back off maybe and come back down the stairs? You’re not terrible though and his poor mum is probably exhausted with trying to care for him and not upset others.

I think you were wrong, sounds to me like she was right on it, going straight up to her child , to deal with it.

you did nothing wrong. She should have sorted her child out well before it got to the hitting.

She should have apologised to everyone instead of crying like a spoilt child herself

eh thatsstheendofmytether Maybe she was at the end of her tether. She's only human! I thought the OP dealt with it with some compassion.

This thread is weird, all those people saying that she shouldn't have touched the little boy and completely ignoring that several other little children were getting hurt to the point of crying.

I think you did right in my personal opinion I find that my children listen when other parents tell him he’s done wrong it sort of adds a shock factor the mum was probably feeling very anxious because it’s hard punishing children in public without someone saying your doing it wrong I know that coz I feel the same I struggle in public places with telling my child off. It’s nice that another mum stepped in rather than criticising. I say well done you.

How do you you’ve started menopause? I tick all boxes (already stopped periods as hysterectomy 2015) bar one - vaginal dryness. I’m complete opposite! Not unpleasant smell, still natural discharge but so much, like my body can’t stop!! Supposed to be dryness with menopause, or can it be vice versa at the beginning? Help!! Any advice? Thank you

spiderling it might be best to start a new thread ... if you scroll down on the Chat page, you see an option to 'start new thread'