V high earning ex. Reasonable maintenance?

[Notsohorriblehistory]

Regular for 8 years but name changed in case ex may identify. We get on very well and I don’t want to rock the boat.

Our divorce is done and dusted over a year ago. It was amicable and straightforward. We kept his pensions and I kept equity in our house as a pension expert report concluded that almost equal.

So, maintenance. I have to work after our first child 8 years ago. I was 28 and on £50k and progressing well, so would likely be high earning now. I will return to work next week. Part time. Pro rata salary £17000 (working 3 days), so decent but quite a fall from where j was (and rightfully so!).

Anyway, ex is on £152k plus £60k bonus. In early forties so salary likely to increase significantly. His monthly take home pay after pension contributions is about £7.2k

He pays me £2300 a month. This is to cover absolutely everything. Mortgage (£850), children, life. Everything. He has the children 3 nights a month. He will pay this until our youngest is 18 (12 years away). We have two children.

Thoughts?

I thought ok. My solicitor thought ok.

But friends think I have been utterly taken advantage of.

Thanks

No, he’s not paying enough for a kind and loving father. He might be OK on some CSA indicator but he should want to ensure his children are treated fairly and don’t suffer financially because you are divorced.
You compromised your career to care for his children and are still doing so. That should be figured in to the package too.

@linkylink

No. My aim for my pension is to get my private pension to £12k pa, plus state pension, working on today's figures, will mean about £20k.

In theory, that would be about the same as right now in terms of disposable income.

Currently, I take home £2.2k, £400 is commuting, £600 is savings and £300 is household costs. So, yes, I have £900 disposable income. But that's only right now. And I've only been part time for a year. I do use some of my cash savings for holidays and things, because that means that, essentially, I am converting cash savings to pension - which has tax advantages. I am 50 so I can draw from pensions in five years, so it's just a medium term saving scheme really, with tax benefits (I aim to avoid any of my income slipping into the 40% rate).

Sorry haven’t read the whole thread but saw your comment about “talking about uni fees at the time”.
Don’t leave it till then. I have a very high earning ex, earns even more than yours, we have court order saying that child maintenance covers uni education. He has started makes remarks to both our children that he’s going to stop paying after a levels. They are quite worried about it as the oldest thought he would put him first. Only change since court order was made is he earns a lot more.
People change, get everything in writing, assume nothing.

That makes more sense & I didn’t think about your age VanGoghsDog

Sorry haven't read all the thread.
You say the finances are settled. Did the amount of maintenance get written in as child maintenance or global maintenance? If it just said child then after a year either of you can go to the CSA and get it changed so if the amount he is paying is over the recommended amount it could get reduced.

£2300 is very generous imho.That, plus your own wage, puts you in an income bracket way above most people's. Your friends are talking rubbish.

Also child maintenance is for the support of the children only and doesn't take into account housing costs where spousal maintenance is for the whole family and would take into account housing costs.
The courts don't decide child maintenance they decide spousal maintenance.

You say re university it won't be a problem.
What happens if he remarried/ has more children and new partner is unreasonable re your children ?

Singlenotsingle the debate is not whether she has an income bracket above most people's.

I think the maintenance payments seem fair, but if you need to network and so on you should find good reliable childcare that you can call on when you need it and discuss splitting the payment for this with your ex.

So £4260 would be 50% if you’re entire incomes

You will have £3600 incoming for you and the children

He will have £4260 for himself

Sorry that wrong he will have the remaining money for himself - which on the face of it I would have to say logically it’s probably not right.

Regardless of how generous he may seem, I’m undecided as to whether there could have been a better formula

@Everytimeref

You know your stuff.
Global.

@Andthentherewere5
Thank you. Good advice.

And nice to return to thread and not see any more daft “what??? You’re being greedy. You should count yourself lucky” kind of posts.

During a marriage you and your partner make decisions based on fqcryou think you’re going to be together forever. Hence I stopped working. Both have to accept rhat is the marriage breaks down, there are consequences to those decisions made during the marriage. For me, reduced earning potential. For my ex, increased financial support following the divorce.

It’s baffling to me that some think only I should burden the implications of decisions made during our marriage.

@Andthentherewere5

How was/is your relationship with your ex?

Very amicable and supportive here. No third party involved in the breakdown. I have never trusted anyone as much as I trust my ex. I don’t see that changing but of course not out of the question. I have no doubt his support for the children will never change though. Never.

No third party involved in the breakdown.

Are there third parties involved now? I don't really think any situation like this ever remains the same. On the face of it, he has a lot more opportunity to meet someone else than you do, although of course it could still be you who meets someone else. Either way, it'll affect things greatly who knows how.

So even though you can manage with what you have, clearly in terms of the actual situation, he has around 5k discretionary income a month and you have .. what? I don't imagine a huge amount after absolutely every single other necessary expense relating to you, the children and the house has been paid, including unexpected ones.

Also, he does little to no parenting. So in a sense, your question whether it's fair or not probably doesn't matter now. But it'll matter if the whole dynamic changes. And that's why you need to lock down the future better if it's actually true that no arrangement at all has been made about uni etc except 'we'll talk about it then'.

I find it hard to believe your solicitor stood over even the vagueness of this deal to be honest.

Why does he have £5k discretionary? He’s probably paying upwards of £2k rent, running a car etc. If he takes them on a nice all inclusive holiday that is several £k. Etc etc. He does have more discretionary than the op yes but not £5k.

I think 30% of his take home is very generous

Exactly. That kind of job does not require that level of commitment.

The job that I would likely have if I had not given up work 8byears ago would almost certainly be that kind of job and I’d likely be on £100k plus (I left 8 Years ago on £50k, and was being fast tracked. The next jump was to £68k)

But you chose to give that up. You chose to facilitate your ex's career at the detriment of yours. It wasn't a concern when you were together so it can't have been that important to you? I really don't understand why women feel the need to sacrifice their own career to facilitate males in this way.

He walked out. We agreed the financial terms between us and the actual divorce went through with no issues. He has a new family now and runs the whole company he used to just be employed by. His poor view of me has never changed. He is a ranging snob, ironic when he comes from very humble beginnings.
I also had built into the financial settlement that his payment would be based on his P60 so he has to show that to me every year. He doesn’t like that. I can’t say we have a good relationship. I haven’t actually spoken to him in 5 years. Everything done by text. Now he only communicates with the children and gets very annoyed if I message him at all now.
If he dropped down dead tomorrow I would shed not one tear. Yes I know that makes me a bitch but no one else walked in my shoes in the years we were married.
Please don’t rely on his good nature. Get. It. In. Writing.

As it's a global order there is no reason to increase child maintenance as it will just mean the spousal maintenance would decrease.

If you think you should be entitled to more than you would need to return to court and start the whole process again as you would have to prove a new need and demonstrate his ability to pay.

I have friends who think ds dad should pay more and some have encouraged me to take him to the cleaners

They have married wealthy men who have high flying careers and have chosen to not work or pursue their career as it’s easier and that’s the life they want it’s a pita to constantly juggle childcare but it can be done

I don’t want to live off someone else’s finances but I do expect him to pay what he should pay for ds that I can’t afford expensive clothes etc isn’t his issue

I’d just be aware that for the last 6 years of your mortgage you won’t have that £2300. Will you have much left by then? Maybe make overpayments so it’s paid off by the time the maintenance stops. Then if he won’t help with uni fees you will be mortgage free to help them out a bit.