V high earning ex. Reasonable maintenance?

[Notsohorriblehistory]

Regular for 8 years but name changed in case ex may identify. We get on very well and I don’t want to rock the boat.

Our divorce is done and dusted over a year ago. It was amicable and straightforward. We kept his pensions and I kept equity in our house as a pension expert report concluded that almost equal.

So, maintenance. I have to work after our first child 8 years ago. I was 28 and on £50k and progressing well, so would likely be high earning now. I will return to work next week. Part time. Pro rata salary £17000 (working 3 days), so decent but quite a fall from where j was (and rightfully so!).

Anyway, ex is on £152k plus £60k bonus. In early forties so salary likely to increase significantly. His monthly take home pay after pension contributions is about £7.2k

He pays me £2300 a month. This is to cover absolutely everything. Mortgage (£850), children, life. Everything. He has the children 3 nights a month. He will pay this until our youngest is 18 (12 years away). We have two children.

Thoughts?

I thought ok. My solicitor thought ok.

But friends think I have been utterly taken advantage of.

Thanks

Yes since it’s amicable it’s good to keep it that way.

Just saw your last update. Well if you're happy, nobody else's opinion matters really.

I think overall you would have a monthly income of about 3500 with yours and maintenance, that's a salary of about 60k. That's really not bad. He'll be on 5k a month which is a lot more but I don't think 3.5k a month is exactly a low amount of money, it's a very decent amount. I dont think they would be having a crap life with mum and a fantastic life with dad, yes dad might be able to take them out to fancy restaurants but realistically he can still only do that 3x a month.

I think it is fair though, they are divorced. They shouldnt live exactly the same lifestyles. When the DC turn 18 if hes paying a lot of maintenance now her lifestyle could go drastically downhill. OP will still have plenty of money to support the DC.

The question wasn’t whether what I am and will be (when I return to work) is a reasonable income.

It’s absolutely sufficient for my needs and significantly more than many other families.

The question was whether what I was receiving was fair given his income and the amount of time he has the children.

I think the overall feeling is that it’s probably on the lower end of “fair” but not wholly unreasonable and given we have a strong positive relationship - on balance, it’s not worth rocking tbe boat

OP will still have plenty of money to support the DC.

With a mortgage of 850 and the rest to go on absolutely everything relating to the kids, I don't get how you think that. She has to have some sort of a life herself too! In the meantime, he has 5000 disposable and going up all the time. If there was a better share of the parenting this wouldn't be as much of an issue.

Also, let him pay the uni fees!

The question was whether what I was receiving was fair given his income and the amount of time he has the children.

No imo. But on the flip side, I presume if you got into some sort of trouble financially, he wouldn't see you stuck?

I think its fair

No imo. But on the flip side, I presume if you got into some sort of trouble financially, he wouldn't see you stuck?

Very much so

Op don't be so rude. The lack of parenting comment was because YOU said he has them three nights a month. If you think that is adequate, and you think the maintenance payment is fair, then im unsure what you want here.

But as pp have said, dont assume your relationship will stay the same when he moves on.

I think that being amicable between exspouses / parent’s is so important.

I presume your ex will pay university fees, help with flat deposits.
The only extra I would potentially ask for is a bit more to find your pension.
( I know the house equity was equivalent to his pension, but presumably as RP with 3dc; you needed that size house.) Also your ex will be starting again on the property ladder.

From a parenting point of view, what seems more important is that he spends a bit more time than3 days with dc’s each month.

Goodness C0untDucku1a

Please tell me where I’ve been rude. Or perhaps another poster can enlighten me. Where have I been rude?

CurlyWurlyTwirly

He has them for 3 nights a month.

But sees them once during the week. And then on “my” weekend he will have them for the morning whilst I gym/shop etc.

How is ex being on £152k and bonus of £60k so a total of over £200k give him just £7k a month (12 x £7k is £84k). Surely he takes Home double that a month??

Actually forget my maths, of course he will pay 40% tax but even so that’s still over 10k a month.

Are you the poster who has spent 4k on holidays and gets your carpets cleaned twice a year? (And needs £400 for winter coats for the kids?)

Janus
The bonus isn’t paid monthly
It’s once a year. And taxed

Crunchy - no, but i am doing a search now!

That £7k is also after pension

I think it sounds fair. We get less than 2k a month between us! Plus 4 kids. We cope (just)

That sounds a healthy pension!! Eventually you could downsize the house so be mortgage free as that’s a huge outgoing. I think if you are amicable you can definitely hope he pays a big chunk towards uni costs (just had first leave for uni and it is a lot of money to find each month). Also school trips become very expensive in secondary school, £1000 for skiing etc so maybe he’d pay for those? I don’t know how else you could bring up asking for an extra £500, depends how well you get on I guess?!

Janus he pays about £500 a month in to his pension. Not excessive on his salary.

In the meantime, he has 5000 disposable and going up all the time

You're talking as if he's won the lottery. That's money he's EARNED. You don't get to that sort of salary unless you work damn hard, it's very hard to get to that level. He shouldn't have to just give it away because he has a lot, he already gives a decent amount.

Amicable is important, and it is enough to live on. I’d hope he also takes them on nice holidays, and buys them the iPads etc they want for Christmas (although it will sting that you can’t). I agree with pps that you should try and get ahead on the mortgage or generally have a plan in case he cuts his payment after meeting someone else...

That's a very low amount on his pension. My husbands salary is around 89k and his pension contributions are around £1000 a month. Are you sure he's not hiding a massive pension. I know you got the house, but how much equity did you actually get in real terms?

I think it’s fair tbh. Quite a bit more than minimum and you got house in clean break settlement. It’s not impossible to get your career back (if you want to). You can have a pretty decent standard of living on that, given your housing costs.