V high earning ex. Reasonable maintenance?

[Notsohorriblehistory]

Regular for 8 years but name changed in case ex may identify. We get on very well and I don’t want to rock the boat.

Our divorce is done and dusted over a year ago. It was amicable and straightforward. We kept his pensions and I kept equity in our house as a pension expert report concluded that almost equal.

So, maintenance. I have to work after our first child 8 years ago. I was 28 and on £50k and progressing well, so would likely be high earning now. I will return to work next week. Part time. Pro rata salary £17000 (working 3 days), so decent but quite a fall from where j was (and rightfully so!).

Anyway, ex is on £152k plus £60k bonus. In early forties so salary likely to increase significantly. His monthly take home pay after pension contributions is about £7.2k

He pays me £2300 a month. This is to cover absolutely everything. Mortgage (£850), children, life. Everything. He has the children 3 nights a month. He will pay this until our youngest is 18 (12 years away). We have two children.

Thoughts?

I thought ok. My solicitor thought ok.

But friends think I have been utterly taken advantage of.

Thanks

@boux

I don’t know where to begin with your post. “Half the costs” of our children. Why should he pay half when he has them for 3 nights. A month. So I have the children for 90% of then time.

Added to which, because of that division of responsibility my earning potential is hugely reduced. I can’t burn the midnight oil at work; I can’t network for drinks every Tuesday; I can’t drop everything on a Thursday afternoon and get the first flight to Madrid to sort out a serious work problem. My can. And does.

And as for the figures involved, yes they are undoubtedly sufficient to adequately feed and clothe etc two children. Thankfully thought the family legal system is a little more nuanced than that and recognises that if a child has become accustomed to the life of a high earning household, that should be reflected in the settlement awarded to the primary parent.

@VanGoghsDog

As an aside and totally off the post - I’m intrigued as to why you are pouring money in to a pension pot when you have no mortgage, no children and very low outgoings. What are you expecting to happen once you retire? Your outgoings to hugely increase??

@FunSponges

It's not his responsibility to pay for the 3 of you, just towards his children, which doesn't me a every single thing.

You see that’s where you’re wrong. And thankfully the legal system thinks so too.
The legal system in this country recognises that the 8 years I took myself out of the workplace to look after our two children benefited him enormously and saved thousands in childcare costs. Plus it has put me at a disadvantage in returning to work and hugely decreased my earning potential as the primary parent and therefore much more restricted than him.

Get a full time job. You have zero problems. Your friends are greedy.

VanGoghsDog similarly to the op are you intending to have more money to live on per month when you retire then you do now?

I often read people saying they need x per yr when they retire which is often more then then have now & when they retire they won’t be paying mortgage & childcare, I don’t get it. Sure no one wants to be scrimping but what you need per year at 70 is likely to be much higher than what you need at 90 & I don’t see the point of having considerably more at 70 than you do at 40 or 50 if that makes sense.

Will the mortgage remain at £850?

Did I read that £2300 is a fixed amount for 12 years? So it won’t increase during that time?

If his earnings go up over the next 12 years, have his payments to you to go up too?

So he pays double csa rate but because your friends think it’s not good enough you feel you should question mn is it reasonable ?
IMO if your mortgage is £ 850 a month, say £300 a month utilities, food say & £300 a month, that still leaves over &1000 for childcare and any extras. That is without any contribution from you.

What is it that you think he should be contributing too ? And yes the law also recognised that women are also expected to contribute

Added to which, because of that division of responsibility my earning potential is hugely reduced. I can’t burn the midnight oil at work; I can’t network for drinks every Tuesday; I can’t drop everything on a Thursday afternoon and get the first flight to Madrid to sort out a serious work problem. My can. And does

You have 18 years left on your mortgage.

You have been out of the work place for 6 years.

You will have a shortfall of 6 years when your youngest is 18.

Your youngest child is 6!!! Pay for some childcare and work full time if you are worried about your income.

I hardly believe that a job that only pays £34k a year FTE expects people to go for networking drinks every Tuesday, but you could pay for a babysitter if that's a case.

I would refuse to go abroad for work for £34k a year anyway...

The legal system in this country recognises that the 8 years I took myself out of the workplace to look after our two children benefited him enormously and saved thousands in childcare costs.

This was your choice though. You made yourself vulnerable by not working. Unless he held you hostage you can't blame him for the affect on your career.

I think the amount is fine and I am a single mum with 3 children so I know what it's like. I think your friend is stirring up trouble!

I think some people on this thread need some pensions advice! Van is massively sensible!

Why do you think putting £1k a month into a pension would give a pension of MORE than her current salary?!

@FruitCider

Exactly. That kind of job does not require that level of commitment.

The job that I would likely have if I had not given up work 8byears ago would almost certainly be that kind of job and I’d likely be on £100k plus (I left 8 Years ago on £50k, and was being fast tracked. The next jump was to £68k)

I don’t blame anyone

We came to a joint decision re my not working.

It benefited our family. It benefited him.
It most definitely did not benefit my earning prospects. Quite be opposite. Thankfully legal system recognises that fact.

@HollyBollyBooBoo

Someone with...
No children
No mortgage
Very low outgoings

Is putting 45% of her salary in to a pension pot.

My question is - to what end? It seems very high given a very very moderate life and I was wondering whether she was imaging like following retirement to be much more full than currently.

I think it's a lot , he still needs to Home himself etc and pay for another potential family . If you have kept the house be may have to get a big mortgage from scratch at 40 which will be a lot .
My dh has a final salary pension so does your dh in which case I guess you could go after half of that but I'd be grateful for what you are being offered .

Why do you think putting £1k a month into a pension would give a pension of MORE than her current salary?!

Didn’t that poster say she lives on £900 a month?

@Notsohorriblehistory maybe I've misread her posts, I thought she said £1k per month. 25% of salary?

A £260k pension pot gives an annual pension payout of £9k. So depending on when people start saving and how much they want from a private pension £1k per month isn't excessive.

I pay £670 per month and increase it by 3% each year, have 19 years left if I work until I'm 60. That pension pot should give me £18k per annum - not a huge sum but I'm working on the principle of the mortgage being paid off etc.

As I say @linkylink some people need educating on pensions!

I think your friends are setting you up to start bad feeling with your ex. The money is fine and if you have a good relationship I am sure you can ask for more when there are things like school holidays etc. If you are both happy with it then leave it and see how it goes. It seems crazy to start re negotiating just because your friends think so. Things change and the most important thing is that you can co parent amicably.

Holly

I'm intending to put 45% into the pension

A £260k pension pot gives an annual pension payout of £9k But that’s for 28 years & I think a 90 yrs old monthly costs are likely to be a lot lower then a 70 yr old?

Don’t get me wrong pensions are important, I took on a job this year specifically because it was public sector & they put in just under 15% contribution & we have 400k equity in our mid 30s but I also think life is for living.

@Squeegle

My friends have maintained a good relationship with my ex. He’s a very good man. They love how well we get on.

It was over a drink, I gave them the figures and they commented that didn’t seem a fair balance. We then moved on but I thought about it and realised i wanted a wider view. But I have no intention of changing things. In any, it’s all been legally agreed and documented over a year ago.

@Notsohorriblehistory my apologies, didn't see that line.

I guess the big thing is we don't know when she started saving!

Educate me then HollyBollyBooBoo?

I that the poster was saving/paying in lots of her annual salary?