V high earning ex. Reasonable maintenance?

[Notsohorriblehistory]

Regular for 8 years but name changed in case ex may identify. We get on very well and I don’t want to rock the boat.

Our divorce is done and dusted over a year ago. It was amicable and straightforward. We kept his pensions and I kept equity in our house as a pension expert report concluded that almost equal.

So, maintenance. I have to work after our first child 8 years ago. I was 28 and on £50k and progressing well, so would likely be high earning now. I will return to work next week. Part time. Pro rata salary £17000 (working 3 days), so decent but quite a fall from where j was (and rightfully so!).

Anyway, ex is on £152k plus £60k bonus. In early forties so salary likely to increase significantly. His monthly take home pay after pension contributions is about £7.2k

He pays me £2300 a month. This is to cover absolutely everything. Mortgage (£850), children, life. Everything. He has the children 3 nights a month. He will pay this until our youngest is 18 (12 years away). We have two children.

Thoughts?

I thought ok. My solicitor thought ok.

But friends think I have been utterly taken advantage of.

Thanks

I know that fizzthecat But the question isn't whether OP gets a good sum a month objectively (because most think she does), it's whether it's fair viz a viz what he has, given that she has to do basically all the parenting and take all the responsibility for the kids; she has dropped 2 days a week to facilitate the above, which presumably will hold her career progression back; she has no pension (not sure about that one?).

That was the question. If they were parenting 50/50, my answer would be different.

He does have a very significant pension

Equity in Home = £340k
His pension = £320

I walked away with the equity. He with his pension

He has reduced his pension payments since we divorced.

Monthly pension payment of £585 I have just checked last statement

I had a few little pensions ore govikf up work, which I have kept. Total about £60k

He's having them for nearly half the week and still giving you a decent walk. I'd accept and ask for more if kids need school trips etc paying for.

He’s having them for nearly half the week?

Where on earth did you get that from?

So your FTE income is £34k, and your mortgage is only £850 a month? You will be able to manage easily when you go back to work full time when your children leave education.

I think £2300 eg £1450 a month for 2 children is quite generous, I'm sure they can't cost that much?

What proper time do you get off apart from the three nights a week, like overnight or going away for a couple days?

3 nights a month

I get those three nights
Also one full morning on “my weekend”
And then a couple of evenings a month whereby he will put the children to bed and then stay here whilst I head out for a couple of hours (either see friends or yoga).

Works well

Sorry a month I mean!!!

That's naff all ime. You're doing pretty much everything.

But look if he's flexible and you think you could call on him for stuff when you need it, there's no point in rocking the boat. As someone else said though, if he's available that little, you'd be surprised how things could deteriorate quickly if someone else came on the scene, because that's typically what happens.

But it suits me

Plus, I love my weekends with the children

So from my perspective, it’s a win win. I get time to myself plus decent quality time with my children

Also bear in mind that I haven’t been working. So I have had the time whilst they’ve been at school

It's not his responsibility to pay for the 3 of you, just towards his children, which doesn't me a every single thing.

I think it's plenty and with your earnings and child benefit you have plenty to live on which can include treats. Just because he can afford more, well yes, he has a high paying job and you are now divorced
He should have more. I also though CM was 15% for 2 children, not 25%. Sounds like you are getting well over the 'recommended' amount so you should just be happy with that. Of course he shouldn't hand over almost half his salary, your friends are greedy.

Yeah I would say his contribution of £27,600 per year for half of the costs of the children is WAY MORE than fair.
There is no way it costs £27,600 for half of the costs of your two children.
Are you actually serious?

OP what do you come out with after tax on your earnings?

When I got divorced I had been a SAHM for 5 years. Prior to that I earned £60k a year. At the time of divorce the DC were 4 and 2 and I hadn't worked at all in 5 years. I wanted to return to work, but even if I hadn't, the judge made it very clear that as a woman in my early 30s, any spousal maintenance to reflect my "sacrifice" in stopping work would be short lived. I had a plan (re train as a solicitor) and I got 2 years of spousal maintenance to cover me at law school. Judge indicated that I would be expected to be self supporting within max 3 years anyway.

Since the end of the 2 years, exH has only paid CMS minimum. He earns the same as your exH, OP, and did at the time of the divorce too.

I don't think what your exH is paying sounds like a bad deal. You're a young woman and have 30-odd working years ahead of you.

Oh right it's 1350.

So per month, you come out with maybe 3,450 of which you have to spend 850 on a mortgage and get absolutely everything else for both you and the children, i.e., food, school, travel, clothes, medical, heating, electric, associated house expenses, house repairs etc etc.

He comes out with 10k a month of which 3k goes on a pension, 3200 goes on the children, and the remaining 5,000 goes on he and himself, and does barely any parenting.

I dunno. It's down to whether you're happy really. If you are, that's all that matters.

Are you still seeing each other despite the divorce as a matter of interest?

Fwiw it’s worth it, don’t worry about not being able to spoil the kids as much. My dad was a high earner & when my parents separated my mum had to go back to work & raise myself & my siblings & we have so much respect for her.

ignore the duplication at the beginning of my post!

Why are some posters commenting on this man's contribution based on what they and their families live on? OP isn't talking about you and your family income, she is talking about the father of her children and what he contributes to their upbringing.

I think it sounds pitiful.

I think that’s ok your mortgage isn’t too high

Once earning over I think it’s £150 children are expected to live at a similar standard as the nrp and applications for schools fees can be made

But that can be quite tricky as someone has a lot of money they can also pay accountants to hide money

I would accept that and things will be a little tighter it isn’t fair but push the issue it can so easily back fire especially if he is in a position where he could move abroad or wants to be a total arse

Will he give you 20% of his net bonus when it arrives?

£320k isn't that substantial for a pension, on his earnings I'd expect him to be starting to worry about the lifetime allowance by now! I earn £43k (part time) and pay £1k pm into my pension.

But that's his problem.

Anyway, other than a discussion about the bonus, it seems fine.

VanGogh you pay over 35% of your salary into your pension?! Bloody hell, you must have pretty low outgoings

Sorry, the £1k includes my employer contribution which is 5% and the employer NI rebate they gift back to me. I pay 25%. I have very low outgoings. No mortgage or rent, single, no kids. My commute is my biggest cost, at £400pm. After household costs I'm left with c£1,500 to live on, of which I save £600pm.

But, that's from a reasonably high salary.
I'm going back to full time in a couple of weeks, and halving my commute costs, so I'm intending to put 45% into the pension.