What's the etiquette for this? Birthday party thread!

[chattoaspanishgirl]

Sorry, it's probably been done to death on MN.

Basically, my son's birthday is coming up. I want to do a big birthday meal at a 'nice' pub/play area. This is for my family and DH's side, so about 20 people.

Is it bad form to get other people to pay for themselves?

SIL advises me today that people pay for themselves at these things. Where as, I'm not sure that's right?

Isn't it CF to get people to pay for meals they're having for your party?

SIL insists it is the norm for people to pay for themselves.

OP will there be other children there? At the very least please do up some party bags to give to them.

In my book you'd definitely pay if it was other kids coming but in our family we do birthday meals and whether it's a kid or an adult we pay for ourselves there's no expectation that people have to come
I have years ago been invited to a friends bday meal and soft play with my kids for her daughters birthday and looking back I think that was a bit CF as had to buy a present and Three meals for a child we didn't know that well but family is different

I think op will be waiting a long time for someone to randomly offer to get the bill at her son’s first birthday party...
It really isn’t a “hang on, it’s my shout” situation.
In fact, if she doesn’t make it crystal clear exactly how far her hospitality extends (ie. not very far at all!), there’ll be a hideously embarrassing scene at the party when the bill arrives.
I’m cringing just thinking about it.

I think if you are hosting a party where you expect to receive gifts - you pay

It is cringy thats why

I think it depends on what is normal in your circle. For D'S first birthday we just had afternoon tea with smoked salmon sandwiches, salads, cake and champagne in the garden. I get the impression you and your DH do not make a habit of picking up the bill at these types of occasions, but I may be wrong. I hope you are joking about the sign indicating you expect gifts.

You are putting on a themed birthday party. You should pay.

Are you sure the pub will let you bring an easel, your own table, various cakes, plus put up bunting and other decorations?

I think if you are hosting a party where you expect to receive gifts - you pay

I think that completely sums it up.

It does sound like Op has been treated to meals out by DHs family. They will be expecting that Op will be paying. And i doubt anybody is going to pick up the tab for people they barely know ie DHs family won't know Ops family that well nor is it.

I have a relation who never offers to pay at family gatherings. They maybe think nobody notices or cares but people do notice and it bugs them.

If that person put out invites to a meal it would fully be expected that they were paying.

Get a cheap hall and do a buffet because you're blending two different types of gatherings into one & it'll confuse people. You're inviting people to a birthday party with a theme but it's essentially a meal where under different circumstances people would pay for themselves. You can't expect them to pay for you to 'host' a party plus expect them to give a present. It is crass, ill mannered and really grabby. Just hire a cheap church hall, put a buffet on (Aldi, Lidl) & have your fancy expensive Peter Rabbit birthday cake. I suspect the cake is costing you £££ & that's why you don't want to pay for the lunch.