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Original poster

I have never looked as much a complete idiot as I did this morning.

180 replies

DoubleNegativePanda · 18/09/2018 16:00

I was running late this morning and ran around like a crazy person getting us out and on the school run. Dropped dd off and ran into work late, joined the morning staff meeting in progress. Coworker motioned at my legs and whispered "what happened?" which of course while quiet still caught the attention of the group who all looked at me.

Somehow, and I have no fucking idea how it happened, I trod in butter. Why was butter on the floor? I couldn't tell you. So there I am in clinic, standing there with a fucking lump of softened butter all over the side of my shoe and smeared on the legs of my scrubs (which must have happened when I was driving).

I had to consciously stop myself from dancing around trying to hide my foot behind myself which would only make it worse. Then I had to go stand in my pants in the bathroom trying to scrub butter out of my trouser legs with hand soap. WTAF is happening in my life that I'm standing in my pants at work with butter on my shoes.

Before anyone asks me how I failed to notice it myself, I have gigantic massive norks and haven't seen my feet in decades.

I'm just at a loss. I'm also a bit scared to go home and see what carnage I've made of my house walking around with butter feet, and how much worse my cats will have made it.

OP posts:
MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 19/09/2018 21:12

I can’t believe nobody has mentioned snapped and farted yet.

Crying at some of these. I know I have done probably all of these.

NotMadeByDesign · 19/09/2018 21:21

A patient at a hospital my dad was briefly visiting for work, told him he had a pair of pants stuck to his trousers. He had put his trousers straight on after the wash, so my lacy pants had stuck to the Velcro and he hadn’t noticed. He had been working for about 3 hours by then, so a few people had probably noticed and thought he was a bit of a pervert 🙄

Redpriestandmozart · 19/09/2018 21:37

I was in a dark theatre and my lips were really dry, my friend lent me a chap stick. Not wanting to put it directly on my lips I rubbed it over the back of my hand and then rubbed it around my lips liberally. I came out of the theatre and talked to loads of people including the box office manager then nipped into the loos.

Only to discover the lip balm was bright pink and I looked like Bobo the clown, I had pink all over my face, I cried in mortification and laughter.

villanova · 19/09/2018 21:41

When I was little, I loved playing 'hairdresser' with my dad. One lunchtime, he came home from work & I put some lovely pink curlers in his hair while he was waiting for his food. HE forgot about them & went back to work with them still in his hair. I expect his colleagues in Engineering found it very funny.

Beccatheboo · 19/09/2018 21:42

My first day volunteering in the library of my son’s secondary school and I had been happily shelving books for at least a couple of hours. Lots of bending and stretching, kids and teachers coming and going, the head bringing round prospective parents (kindly introducing me). I suddenly noticed that my dress’s side zip was completely unzipped from top to bottom, revealing my bra, top of my tights and knickers. Absolutely mortifying!!

bobbysbabe · 19/09/2018 21:45

Absolute legend.

buckeejit · 19/09/2018 21:50

That's funny. I once went to work in my dads slippers which were 4 sizes too big. I got a lift to work 25 miles away so just had to plod around in them all day!

llangennith · 19/09/2018 21:52

I've done the odd shoes thing too, many years ago. Both black patent court shoes with a kitten heel but one had a strap thing at the front and was noticeably higher than the other plain one. Obviously not so noticeable to me. Laughed it off at work but then when I went to board the train home at Cardiff station one of my shoes fell off and onto the track. I refused to go home barefooted so held the carriage door open till the guard came to see what was up. He then produced a long handled implement specifically designed for retrieving shoes! I was very impressed. By the time I got my shoe back and was on the train I was way past caring what anyone thought of me.

LosSimpsones · 19/09/2018 22:14

In school i walked out of the changing room with all my shirt buttons undoneGrin

PigPogtastic · 19/09/2018 22:16

I left H&M and the alarms went off. The assistant nearby said “excuse me madam” and I immediately said “oh it can’t be me, I don’t have anything”.

“Actually madam, ummm, there is...”

And that is when I spotted, out of the corner of my eye, that I had somehow hooked a hanger into my loose knit cardi and was dragging a shirt behind my arse.

Twinklecomic · 19/09/2018 22:17

My friend went to work in skin tight black leather jeans and no underwear and her zip slowly crept down and her (grey) bush popped out.

BeaLola · 19/09/2018 22:26

Had been to hospital in London for a pre opration assessment where they took a routine blood sample. Sat on train home and wondered why several people came into carriage and then hurriedly left. When I went to get off train I picked up my bag and then noticed lots of blood all down my arm and bloodstains all down my pale dress - not a great look !

xJessica · 19/09/2018 22:35

My FIL was once driving to our nearest city and 40 mins into the journey realised he had his slippers on!!! He had to go into a shop in his slippers and buy a pair of shoes!!!! He's never been allowed to forget that one Grin

Original poster
DoubleNegativePanda · 19/09/2018 22:36

@Dowser, today I managed to dress myself decently without random food and went for a mammogram.

OP posts:
Josiebloggs · 19/09/2018 23:00

First few days into a new job in a big open plan office and I make a tea round for the few on my pod.
Two of the six have black coffee.
As I step down the step into big, full, open place office I stumble, 6 hot drinks, 2 black slide backwards off the tray over my stomach and legs.
I scream and without thinking yank my black legging style trousers down to stop the continuing burn.
I may have mostly got away with it if I hadn't drawn attention with the scream Blush

WellThisIsShit · 19/09/2018 23:03

Oh goodness, this thread makes me feel better! Grin

Mydogsanasshole · 19/09/2018 23:11

Breastfeeding....... opened the door to the postman with my left boob hanging out. Sleep deprived and baby was cluster feeding so was so used to having a boob out I hadn’t even registered . My postman was awesome.... ‘I don’t know whether you have made my day or scarred me for life but I’m going with made my week’!! The shame Blush

Lozz22 · 19/09/2018 23:55

when I worked at my old job I was fetching the delivery in with the most gorgeous looking delivery driver. A few cages wouldn’t fit in the stock room so he put them along the passage way instead. Off i went to make us both a cup of tea and squeezed back through the cages to go back outside. Boobs brushed against the cages but thought nothing of it. It was only when we were stood talking and he was trying to avert eye contact that I looked down and realised my work shirt had unbuttoned part way down as I’d brushed passed the cages. Thankfully I’d worn my nice pretty bra and not a tacky one. Poor guy didn’t know where to look and even worse we were stood out on the street at the same time. This was also the same delivery driver who I managed to spew on after a tray of rice pudding fell off the cage and burst open all over the floor. It didn’t help i was hung over to shit and rice pudding makes me gag at the best of times!! It can’t of put him off that much though because a short while down the line I became his girlfriend!! I have managed to spew all over him since then only that time I was having a massive seizure at the time and had no control whatsoever over my body or more embarrassingly my bladder!!

PrivateParkin · 20/09/2018 00:28

These are hilarious Grin my favourites are the bald dad with "hello" written on his head Grin and the unravelling Hansel and Gretel-style trouser thread Grin

Choccywoccyhooha · 20/09/2018 01:53

I've also down the answering the door to the postman mid-breastfeed with a boob out. My friend's husband is a postie and insists that this kind of thing barely registers, they see much worse!

My stupidest moment was taking my baby son swimming for the first time. I got him into his swim nappy, then into his swimsuit, packed up the changing room, shoved it all in a locker, feeling ever so much like the capable mother. Went under the pre-swim showers cradling my baby and thought that everyone was looking because my poppet was so damned cute. But no, they were staring because I was fully dressed!

I'd been so focused on getting him ready, I had failed to get myself undressed. I sheepishly went back to the lockers, got into my swim suit, and it wasn't until afterwards that i realised that I now had no dry clothes and had to walk home in soaking wet clothes pushing the pram.

deliciouscheesecake · 20/09/2018 01:58

I once turned away in a quiet end of a pub to discretely put my horribly huge boobs away after feeding.

Only to discover what I though was a wall was in fact a window facing a road with traffic lights.

I looked up to see a stationary builders van and a driver with his mouth open.

I was mortified.

aidelmaidel · 20/09/2018 02:16

The cluster-feeding boob-out look, but lovely neighbour has popped over to cut the grass god bless him but I wish he'd let me know when he's going to do that makes being tits-out at home that little bit more unpredictable

loopylass13 · 20/09/2018 04:25

Wearing white jeans whilst shopping for several - bumped into a friend who pointed out a massive period looking stain on my lower bum area. My jeans somehow had been contaminated by a leaky red felt tip pen. No coat so had no choice but to go home looking like my period leaked.

parry45 · 20/09/2018 09:49

All these are so funny🤣
Was running late one morning and ds decided to play up as he couldn't find his squishy( stress ball thingy he's allowed to take to school). Finally made it in the car and the thing decides to explode!! White flour everywhere, omg it was funny, I had to drop him at school plastered in it and then walk in to work myself looking like a snow ball completely embarrassed and my boss just burst out laughing 😂😂

Mum2OneTeen · 20/09/2018 12:15

@TheSerenDipitY
Ha, not you, but someone as equally lovely in a small town in Australia!