I have never looked as much a complete idiot as I did this morning.

[DoubleNegativePanda]

I was running late this morning and ran around like a crazy person getting us out and on the school run. Dropped dd off and ran into work late, joined the morning staff meeting in progress. Coworker motioned at my legs and whispered "what happened?" which of course while quiet still caught the attention of the group who all looked at me.

Somehow, and I have no fucking idea how it happened, I trod in butter. Why was butter on the floor? I couldn't tell you. So there I am in clinic, standing there with a fucking lump of softened butter all over the side of my shoe and smeared on the legs of my scrubs (which must have happened when I was driving).

I had to consciously stop myself from dancing around trying to hide my foot behind myself which would only make it worse. Then I had to go stand in my pants in the bathroom trying to scrub butter out of my trouser legs with hand soap. WTAF is happening in my life that I'm standing in my pants at work with butter on my shoes.

Before anyone asks me how I failed to notice it myself, I have gigantic massive norks and haven't seen my feet in decades.

I'm just at a loss. I'm also a bit scared to go home and see what carnage I've made of my house walking around with butter feet, and how much worse my cats will have made it.

Oh dear now remembering more....
Once went to a swanky client Ball. I was skinny and gorgeous then (I was, honest) and wore a strapless heavy crepe column dress, with a dipped back and high front that cost a fortune. Stunning though it was, I got cold feet on the day and bought a sheer ‘body’ to wear too. This had the unfortunate effect of making the dress less, er, adhesive shall we say? I only realised the dress had twisted round after some vigorous dancing when my (female) boss ran over to embrace me in a slow dance whispering ‘your tits are showing!’ . 😯

In the loo at work, I managed to tuck the end of the toilet roll on its holder into the back of my trousers. Unfortunately, one of my colleagues was at the sink and saw me exiting the cubicle like the Andrex puppy

I once taught a lesson to year 9 with my shirt undone from boobs down - so bra on show and bare stomach (again - massive norms so I couldn’t see!).
It took about half an hour before one of the girls took pity on me.

You lovely nest of vipers, you. I knew I could count on you to pile in to make me feel better! So many ridiculous stories here, I have spent my lunch hour laughing

To address why I wore scrubs before arriving at the office, I work in a dental clinic and am the scheduler. While I am not part of the clinical staff I am still required to wear scrubs to work. I'm in the US and believe it or not it is common practice for dentists and their entire staff to commute to and from home to clinic etc in their scrubs. I see people in the supermarket every day in scrubs. While it's seen as normal around here, if I hadn't already been wearing them the butter incident would have been much less eventful.

That was absolutely not a stealth boast about massive norks, I hate the fuckers. They weigh a stone each and my back hurts all the time, and after three years of breastfeeding the are floppy and point straight down without a bra.

In the office and my boss and I were pissing about with our gifts a customer had brought back from Disney for us. Get a call from the warehouse to tell me my customer, who always spent many, many thousands of pounds each visit, had arrived. Off I hurry and negotiate a very successful meeting and sale - feeling very pleased with myself, I head upstairs and catch my reflection in the office window and realise I was still sporting a fine pair of Mickey mouse ears

I can't even hold it together at some of these posts. Never have I laughed at a Mumsnet thread yet - this has done it for me.

If it helps, at least you work with adults as when I was in school we let a teacher go as long as we could with her top inside out and started bets on when she would notice or someone would mention.

Really? I farted in a hotel corridor and a waiter heard me and laughed - I didn't know he was there and he had to then serve me breakfast.

Have walked into a crowded hotel bar as bold as anything all dolled up feeling great, high waist white jeans, heels and a little crop top on. Was a while before someone mentioned my flies were undone. On high waist jeans. mortified

Oh it's OK op, we've all had weird experiences. I'd be more fretting about the buttery smell tbh??

Mine are too numerous to mention but I remember walking home from the eye hospital with the coloured dye running from my eyes so it was a bit David Bowie, without me knowing.

I got home and looked in the mirror and realised I'd been walking through the city with a streaky green and orange dyed face. Shit happens.

I've told this one before - I was hoovering, stepped on the cable return button a bit too enthusiastically and the plug flew up and hit me in the face. I thought 'Thank fuck that didn't knock my teeth out!' and forgot all about it. Went to see my (registered blind) dad on the bus, took toddler DS to the swings on the way back, popped into the shop, and noticed that everyone I met all day was smiling at me. When I got home, I glanced in the mirror and discovered that while we'd been out, a perfectly rectangular black bruise in the exact shape and size of a Hitler moustache had appeared above my upper lip.

I left my sleep mask on round my neck, no-one said anything and I only noticed when I got home, felt a right wally!

A couple of nights ago a friend and I spotted a young woman in a busy pub, amongst everyone standing around, dancing, etc with a soaking wet crotch on her jeans. She was verrrrr drunk.

its ok, the cats will have licked the butter off everything at home by now

If it helps I work with small children, one afternoon we were doing painting and I didn't notice I had sat in brown paint, which had then dripped, so I walked through town looking like I had poo dripping down my leg.

There's also the time a child drew on my face with chalk and I thought it would just rub off so I had gone out to talk to parents as a blue kitty cat, oh and the time I forgot I was dressed as a fairy and went to tescos, and the time a child threw a bowl of glitter in the air and I couldn't get it out of my hair for days.

I walked all the way home from secondary school still wearing those massive plastic science goggles.

I don't even wear normal glasses to confuse them with

This is going to make me really embarrassed admitting my faux pas but I was recently out with my family for lunch at a local cafe in a furniture shop and had just returned from the loo. DH is quite discreet and whispers in my ear behind me, ‘You might want to put the piece of used loo paper in the bin’ referring to the long piece hanging out of the back of my trousers. I have never wanted the ground to swallow me whole as much as I did at that moment. Luckily there was hardly anyone in the shop, but I did wonder why one of the assistants was extra friendly when he said hello...

spiderlight

I also once at a meeting at a hotel had to go out and give a manager a message, he was in the business centre the hotel ran.

I strode purposefully towards him, he looked up and I walked straight smack bang into the glass door. I literally didn't see it and thought it was an open space.

As I bounced back stunned, I then, embarrassingly, and for unknown reasons, curtly nodded at him and the staff in there who were staring like this 😲and turned round and walked away again, without uttering a word.

I got some new pants hemmed and at a new local seamstress. I work in a college and was running round the building after students (im a tutor) not noticing I'd caught my pants on something and was trailing thread all around the building like some messed up spiders web/Hansel and grettel cross over.

It wasn't until it tripped over my own thread coming back to my office I noticed the giant stringy lines everywhere behind me leading up to my now very raggedy pants. (Oh and the cleaner huffing and puffing going round cutting it and trying to tug it in to a bin bag)

Oh and not me but a colleague at work I helped!

She was a student of the college we now work at. We were in a lift with her favourite ex teacher who is a bit of a known rogue but a lovable one with a wicked sense of humour. Anyway both myself and my friend have boobs you could balance bookshelves on.

So in the lift. Teacher gets in. I look over to my friend whose now chatting with her ex teacher and I notice a very odd smile on his face. Yep her shirt dress for some ungodly reason had come completely unbuttoned to her waist to reveal a very beautiful sheer lace bra and all that it held. I think she thought I was trying to kill her the speed at which I moved at her with my hands out.

Drab

Oh this makes me think of the time, many years ago, when I wrote “Hello” on my Df’s bald patch :) He was napping prior to going back to the hospital to do his evening ward rounds ... I always wondered if any of the patients had seen it when he was bent over them! He never said anything and I never confessed.

I learned the hard way never to get a white swimming costume wet if you have dark hair. Also, I was once tidying up and found a few of my DD's cute, sparkly/ribbony hair clips in the sitting room. I had my hands full and nowhere to put them so just stuck them randomly in my hair, then had an afternoon of meetings, completely oblivious, and nobody commented!

spiderlight oh lord I can't breathe! 😂🤣