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Original poster

My DD is confused and a bit upset by gender fluid teacher

354 replies

CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 18:12

DD is 11 and in her second full week at high school.
We were going through her home work today and part of it is drama.
She needs to learn the meaning of various words such as reflection, preformance spontaneous etc.
DD loves drama and is very enthusiastic about it now being a weekly lesson. I asked if she was enjoying it and she said yes but she is confused.
She said she does not know what to call her teacher.
I said Ms, Mr or Mrs last name.
DD said its not like that. The teacher has said they can call her Ms Mr or Dr as they are gender fluid and their pronoun is they.

I said well call them by any of those then if they dont mind. DD said its hard as the teacher is a Ms/she/woman and although she is trying hard to remember the they pronoun she (DD) keeps getting it wrong.

DD is a very kind and does not want to upset her teacher as she likes her/him/they very much. DD is also scared as she does not want to get in to trouble as, and I quote "misgendering is a crime".

I have reassured DD that her teacher has said its fine to call her Ms Mr or Dr so she has nothing to be scared of and wont upset the teacher.

In private I am very angry. My DD has enough to deal with and worry about just starting high school and now she has to deal with a teachers chosen identity and the worry that if she slips up because despite the short hair and Mr reference her teacher is a woman.

This is not trans bashing before that gets thrown at me I am just upset my DD has to deal with this when it only benefits the teacher and causes distress to a child.

OP posts:
Perfectly1mperfect · 17/09/2018 22:29

Can't your daughter just try her best to use the titles/pronoun that she's been asked to? I presume your daughter has lots of new teachers names and other things to remember at the start of term so it's just another really.

I don't think it should be a problem unless you make it into one.

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/09/2018 22:30

Goldenbug

"context"

"noun"
"the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood."

Teacher one to a group of 11 year olds: "Call me Mr Smith".
Teacher Two to a group of 11 year olds: "I'm gender fluid, call me Ms Thomas, or Mr Thomas, or Dr Thomas, I don't mind which. Oh and my chosen pro noun is they, don't call me he/she or anything linked to gender, other my than the prefixes that I have picked"
11 year olds "WTF, Which do I choose that won't get me in to trouble

Which teacher is harder to please?

Original poster
CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 22:35

Can't your daughter just try her best to use the titles/pronoun that she's been asked to?

Why should she have to?

She actually is trying thats why she was upset because she failed to use the correct pronoun at lunch.....or chosen pronoun for tgat matter.
She has 5 to 6 different teachers a day and only this one is causing confusion. She has no issues remembering how to address all the other teachers.

Why is this teachers personnal preference my childs issue? They are there to teach that lesson its not to be validated.

The more I think about this the madder I become!

OP posts:
GreenMeerkat · 17/09/2018 22:42

I don't understand why the teacher is bothered about the pronoun if she/he considers them self gender fluid? Why should it matter? Especially as she/he has given the choice of Mr, Ms whatever.

Sounds like an attention seeker. As an adult responsible for the education of children you'd really expect better.

Perfectly1mperfect · 17/09/2018 22:45

Just tell her to pick one...Ms (surname) seems like it will be the easiest for her...job done.

Does your daughter suffer with stress/anxiety over other things for it to bother her this much ?

WeWantJustice · 17/09/2018 22:56

This reply has been deleted

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MozzieMagnet · 17/09/2018 23:04

Just tell her to address them as Dr + surname
They will use 'you' pronoun in class
No idea when they would ever refer to Dr Drama in the 3rd person - apart from asking a staff member to fetch them from staffroom in which case Can I speak to Dr + surname please, would suffice
Why?
They told me to come at lunchtime

It's hardly rocket science

letsghostdance · 17/09/2018 23:06

Gender fluidity isn't a choice. Do you really believe someone would voluntarily select a life of discrimination and to be talked about the way this person is in this thread? If it was a choice, is it one that someone would realistically make?

WeWantJustice · 17/09/2018 23:08

Narcissism isn't a choice either, but hey, it's still fucking annoying

Bimgy85 · 17/09/2018 23:09

Until there's a rule in place by the head mistress then your daughter should call her ms. Or proof of legalities.

letsghostdance · 17/09/2018 23:09

Really sorry that someone else's existence has inconvenienced you so much by them being really fucking annoying to you. Maybe they should just hide indoors and refuse to engage with the public?

MingaTurtle · 17/09/2018 23:11

In my experience even 18 year olds can’t remember whether a female teacher is Miss or Mrs, so the chance of 11 year olds getting ‘they’ right is minimal.

I agree with GreenMeerkat that the teacher’s position is illogical anyway.

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/09/2018 23:11

If they're going to teach, then the well-being and learning of their pupils should be their first thought at work.

Original poster
CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 23:14

Does your daughter suffer with stress/anxiety over other things for it to bother her this much

Not at all. If anything it is her twin who is more sensitive. DD2 is very relaxed and confident and not shy.

Gender fluidity isn't a choice. Do you really believe someone would voluntarily select a life of discrimination and to be talked about the way this person is in this thread? If it was a choice, is it one that someone would realistically make?

Sorry but I disagree. The teacher gave 3 titles which the children can address them by which they are happy with. It is clearly a choice.

If anything I would think for a genderfluid person telling children to address them as Dr Drama would have been the gender free option. However this teacher gave 3 choices.

OP posts:
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 17/09/2018 23:17

What doesn’t the teacher just go by their first name

No confusion then

AvoidingDM · 17/09/2018 23:18

The teacher seems like a drama lama.

Forget the He/she his/her call them gender neutral It and shim
Mr/mrs/ms and haw you!

Original poster
CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 23:18

Really sorry that someone else's existence has inconvenienced you so much by them being really fucking annoying to you. Maybe they should just hide indoors and refuse to engage with the public?

Bollocks.

This has nothing to do with their existance Hmm

This is a teacher whos choice has had an upsetting affect on a child. A child by the way who likes this teacher so much she is upset at the thought of upsetting the teacher.
That burden should not be put on a child.
Why did they do that?

OP posts:
DinahMorris · 17/09/2018 23:22

In the last year, I've been called mrs/miss/ms Morris, mum, sir and dad. None have offended me. Any teacher who makes a fuss when children make an honest mistake need to find a different career.

As for using "they" as a singular pronoun, I think the school needs to get a grip on this. We are all teachers of literacy (and numeracy) and using "they is" would be marked down in exams, and looked upon badly by the majority of employers so the teacher in question needs to either pick he or she, or accept either until English grammar catches up with the new world order.

Perfectly1mperfect · 17/09/2018 23:23

Not at all. If anything it is her twin who is more sensitive. DD2 is very relaxed and confident and not shy.

Seems strange she's so stressed about this then. I can't imagine either of my children being bothered at all by this, they are both very open minded.

Why don't you just contact the school for clarification. I can't imagine for a moment that they will punish children for accidentally using the wrong pronoun.

My only concern would be if the teacher is a good teacher.

WeWantJustice · 17/09/2018 23:23

This reply has been deleted

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PickAChew · 17/09/2018 23:25

If misgendering was a crime, I'd be permanently embroiled in a court case and I'm just a woman who is a woman.

Branleuse · 17/09/2018 23:25

Gender fluidity isn't a choice. Do you really believe someone would voluntarily select a life of discrimination and to be talked about the way this person is in this thread? If it was a choice, is it one that someone would realistically make?

Definitely. Its not really a lifetime of discrimination to be gender fluid because it means nothing and nobody cares. People do choose it as some sort of pick n mix way of getting kudos amongst your college mates. Massive kudos in some circles. Dont pretend you dont know this

WeWantJustice · 17/09/2018 23:27

Yep, if it becomes a crime, I will be insisting that my pronouns are her eminence and if anyone doesn't refer to me in that way, I'll be on the blower to South Yorkshire Police before you can say report hurt feelz.

MozzieMagnet · 17/09/2018 23:28

In the last year, I've been called mrs/miss/ms Morris, mum, sir and dad

Indeed. I was usually 'miss' but 'mum' often came out by accident!
Another school you were either 'Sir' or 'Ma'am' nothing else Wink

AsAProfessionalFekko · 17/09/2018 23:30

Surely it's just someone over thinking. Do I feel like a woman? I suppose so. Do I feel like a man? I have no idea. I like 'girly' stuff like baking but also love doing carpentry. Oh dear.

Is being a woman worse than being a man? Absolutely not, but there is shit associated with being a woman in this society. So maybe I just won't play that game and get on with my life.