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Original poster

My DD is confused and a bit upset by gender fluid teacher

354 replies

CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 18:12

DD is 11 and in her second full week at high school.
We were going through her home work today and part of it is drama.
She needs to learn the meaning of various words such as reflection, preformance spontaneous etc.
DD loves drama and is very enthusiastic about it now being a weekly lesson. I asked if she was enjoying it and she said yes but she is confused.
She said she does not know what to call her teacher.
I said Ms, Mr or Mrs last name.
DD said its not like that. The teacher has said they can call her Ms Mr or Dr as they are gender fluid and their pronoun is they.

I said well call them by any of those then if they dont mind. DD said its hard as the teacher is a Ms/she/woman and although she is trying hard to remember the they pronoun she (DD) keeps getting it wrong.

DD is a very kind and does not want to upset her teacher as she likes her/him/they very much. DD is also scared as she does not want to get in to trouble as, and I quote "misgendering is a crime".

I have reassured DD that her teacher has said its fine to call her Ms Mr or Dr so she has nothing to be scared of and wont upset the teacher.

In private I am very angry. My DD has enough to deal with and worry about just starting high school and now she has to deal with a teachers chosen identity and the worry that if she slips up because despite the short hair and Mr reference her teacher is a woman.

This is not trans bashing before that gets thrown at me I am just upset my DD has to deal with this when it only benefits the teacher and causes distress to a child.

OP posts:
SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 17/09/2018 20:21

Lol at pretending this isn't an anti-trans thread

How is it anti-trans? The teacher in question isn't trans.

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 20:21

DickTERFin yes!

DiegoMad0nna · 17/09/2018 20:21

Because you are the one saying that the thread is "anti trans", when the issue stems from the teacher and their approach to this.

It doesn't really matter where the issue stems from. The attitude of the OP is clearly anti-trans. It's like a post saying "this isn't an anti-islam thread but my poor daughter is so confused about her classmate leaving class to pray on a Friday afternoon"... at least be honest about it.

AsAProfessionalFekko · 17/09/2018 20:22

If Mr/Mrs/Miss doesn't mean anything then why doesn't the teacher drop it completely and just use the Dr (if they have a PhD)?

I do remover a form teacher going batshit when a child called her Mrs Miserableoldbat because she was MISS Miserableoldbat.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 17/09/2018 20:22

If a TRA was going to make up this scenario to get screenshots it’s an own goal because they have painted the gender fluid character out to be an insufferable narcissist

Indeed. Grin

AsAProfessionalFekko · 17/09/2018 20:23

If anything it's anti drama teacher - assuming the aren't a Dr.

Original poster
CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 20:23

MorningsEleven

I am happy to talk to MNHQ about the details. If you feel I am not being honest then report my thread.

Lol at pretending this isn't an anti-trans thread. Good one, OP.

There is no pretend Diego the teacher is gender fluid not trans.

I think the teacher has tried to make it easier for the children by saying Ms Mr or Dr are all ok.
I think the problem for DD is that the teacher is obviously female and Ms and Dr make sense but Mr just confuses her. I doubt she is the only child confused tbh. Plus the pronoun/crime issue is worrying her.

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 20:23

DiegoMad0nna may I ask how on Earth you managed to create any kind of tangible link between this thread and the scenario thread you describe?

Because I haven’t a fucking clue.

KurriKurri · 17/09/2018 20:24

How is it a problem and difficult to call someone by their preferred form of address ? - We do it all the time with everyone we meet. It is hardly 'special snowflake' behaviour.

A bit more special snowflake surely is 'I think the only way to be is the way I am and I go to pieces at the concept that other people may be different from me'

People are not actually struggling with forms of address - it is hardly rocket science. They are struggling with the concept of somebody who is gender fluid having the audacity to teach, having the audacity to expose children to the idea of some people identifying differently from the way they may identify, and heaven defend us having the audacity to claim to have a PhD. How very dare they.

SheCameFromGreeceSheHadaThirst · 17/09/2018 20:24

The attitude of the OP is clearly anti-trans

No one in this scenario is trans. So how is it an anti-trans thread?

DiegoMad0nna · 17/09/2018 20:25

YeTalkShiteHen

It's called an analogy. I don't know what else I can say since it's pretty obvious.

Bimgy85 · 17/09/2018 20:25

I'm sorry but I do not take any of this seriously. I once knew a 'girl' who wanted to be a boy on Sunday's. I experienced her taking off a sweatshirt one day and saying 'okay, I'm becoming Susan Now'

I'm not joking.

That teacher needs to bloody choose, get away with all this fluid crap

YeTalkShiteHen · 17/09/2018 20:26

How is it a problem and difficult to call someone by their preferred form of address ?

It’s usually much easier to remember one form of address than 3 or 4 though. Especially for 11 year old children.

Redcliff · 17/09/2018 20:31

How on earth is the teacher an "nsufferable narcissist' ?

0hCrepe · 17/09/2018 20:31

They’re a drama teacher! Method acting?
Your Dd has learned something new today. Ok she’s confused but it’s not that hard to grasp? The crime/fear element is her friends scaremongering.

C0untDucku1a · 17/09/2018 20:32

I am also desperate to know if the drama teacher does in fact have a phd.

TheFallenMadonna · 17/09/2018 20:33

She only needs to remember one form of address. And one of them is consistent with the teacher's sex. Not sure of the issue.

sansouci · 17/09/2018 20:35

Not trans but gender fluid. This.

Yes, I'm a dinosaur. Could someone explain to me what this gender fluid thing is? Is someone who is gender fluid confused about their gender or rejecting the whole idea of gender "labelling" or, or... what?

Stickerladiesoftheworldunite · 17/09/2018 20:37

I certainly wouldn't ask an 11 year old to lie by calling a woman a 'Mr'. That sets a poor example.

Dr will suffice if the teacher is genuinely one.

How will they enforce the 'crime' of misgendering? By writing 100 lines. I must not call miss 'she'?

It is easy to dismiss this as utter nonsense and the teacher as an insufferable bore, but teaching children to lie to themselves and others, should never be acceptable in schools.

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/09/2018 20:37

At least you know now that the "misgendering is a crime" nonsense has come from pupils and not the teacher. That's an easy one to resolve as you can be very clear that this pupil and their auntie are wrong and mistaken.

Calling the teacher Dr Whatever should be ok to remember, and emphasis that no one is going to get into trouble for using "she" if they forget to use the preferred "they".

doedoe90303811 · 17/09/2018 20:39

"Gender fluidity, identifying as non binary, and all other permutations of gender ID, are facts of life."

Well no they aren't 'facts', they are 'opinions', and gender fluidity or gender neutrality is not recognised in UK law.

PegLegAntoine · 17/09/2018 20:39

@NoToast not RTFT after your post yet so sorry if repeating but I’m sorry your DD was worried by the CBBC thing, is that the My Life one? Annoyingly that was the one episode my DCs watched without me as I happened to be upstairs but thankfully they haven’t been affected by it. However I wanted to say there’s an excellent other episode that may be on iplayer still, “what is a girl” or something like that, really really worth a watch, my 3 saw it the other day and it prompted a lot of discussion.

Are they a real Dr or do they identify as one? Must admit I snorted at this

I don’t understand the allowing Mr or Ms but not allowing he or she. Will read the rest of the thread now

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/09/2018 20:40

Gender fluid means whatever the person using that description means. Often/usually it means that they identify as both masculine and feminine, some of the time and at different times. Perhaps feeling more one than the other at particular times, or both at the same time even.

Original poster
CosmicCanary · 17/09/2018 20:43

For adults I suppose this is a non issue so easily dismissed.
I am trying to support my DD who does have an issue with it. She is 11.

For her every adult she has ever met has a pronoun that matched their sex. She can tell male from female. She knows who a Mr teacher is and who a Mrs teacher is.
It is very simple for a child to attach correct pronouns to people, she has never knowingly got it wrong before...although there was the odd yes mum instead of yes Mrs teacher.

I am trying to tread carefully. I do not want DD to feel upset but at the same time I am gender critical but I am not sure at 11 shde needs to understand that!

OP posts:
RiverTam · 17/09/2018 20:45

Redcliff because only a complete narcissist would drag children into validating their identity in this way, by causing unnecessary confusion by handing out 3 different forms of address, 2 of which contradict each other and one of which is clearly inaccurate, and by insisting on the incorrect usage of ‘they’. The whole thing makes a mockery of so much of what facts children are meant to learn at school.

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