So, weddings...

[MrsWembley]

Short or long?

Discussing timings with a couple of friends yesterday, both of whom have had their day and so have an opinion that counts - one says long, make the most of it, big party of people who will never/probably never be all together in the same room again; the other says meh, long lie-in, least time possible in an uncomfortable dress, no paying extra for evening food!

Is 12 hours from the start of the service to kicking out time too long/not long enough/just right. Service is in the same venue as the reception, so no travel time, and the venue is a place of 'entertainment' for families under normal circumstances so lots to see and do for people whilst photos, etc. are happening.

I'm worried that people may get bored/pissed/cross with grumpy DCs, but I want to have as long as possible because, well, it's my wedding day! What's the general consensus here? Long or short?

Long with somewhere to get away with DC if necessary, food and water freely/frequently available etc.
A formal structured wedding needs to be a bit shorter.

...and don't buy an uncomfortable dress or shoes!

I've been to five weddings in the last two years. Longest started at 2 pm for the service and finished the reception at midnight but if you factor in travelling to the venue and being sat in the church a good bit before 2 pm you're talking 11-12 hours. Shortest started at 4 pm. Was the best one, too.

12 hours far too long imo. People will get bored, tired and irritable. The best parties are those that feel just slightly too short and end with a bang while people are still having a good time. Go on for too long and you risk making it an endurance test, or the party gradually dying as more and more people make their goodbyes and sneak off home.

If you are having the full on traditional with lots of family and friends travelling from afar I would go with long. Late morning or lunchtime ceremony, so the main reception meal is a late lunch meal. Make sure its a venue that can cope with good and bad weather and plenty of options for passing the time - bar, gardens, possibly games/activities until evening disco/band starts. Second buffet meal about 7ish...
If its a less formal do, maybe less family that will want to catch up with each other then would do short - afternoon ceremony and provide a teatime meal.

I think 12 is a bit long, especially with no travel and a civil rather than church service (as often shorter). I prefer weddings that begin after 2 so I can have lunch.

2/3 to 11/12 is my preference!

if you need to fill time then it is too long.Have the latest possible ceremony and dont keep people waiting while you.take.endless ghastly cliched photos. they are guests which means you are hosts.

Also, the morning of your wedding - getting ready with bridesmaids is really fun too and better if you're not rushed or having to start at 6am (which was the time I had to be ready for hair for an 11am wedding with 4 adult bridesmaids and 2 little ones!)

Short are better! A start after 3pm so I wouldn’t have to find childcare for a whole day and night (if necessary), if taking children at least with a 3pm start or later we can all have a decent lunch and a nice amount of time to all get ready. 12 hours is a long slog if you’re in the same place all day, ceremony would be over by 1, not sure what time you’d eat but in all honesty if it was close to home I’d go home for a couple of hours!

long weddings are one of the reasons I don't go any more.

12 hours is my idea of hell.

if you are clear with the guests about how things are sectioned out, or if they feel able to come to to reception only, that's one thing. My sister attended a small wedding where the couple did exactly that but obviously people had to commit to a section - or more - for catering numbers.

but to be expected to be there for more than a few hours is awful. Weddings were horrendously long days for guests even before this "make the day longer" trend started.

Honestly shorter is much better in my opinion. I'm quite introverted though! 8 hours and I start getting bored. There is no way I would last 12 with DD

I don't mind a long wedding, but don't like one that starts too early. It's nice to have time to travel, if the venue is less than a couple of hours away, and get ready without feeling rushed.

4pm start much better than a 12 noon start IME.
Ceremony, small amount of faffing with pictures etc, dinner at an actual mealtime, dancing at a time of day you'd like to do some dancing.
People will actually get a chance to eat lunch before.

Depends on how far your guests are travelling, how many of them there are etc. If it's a big crowd coming from all over, don't see each other often, mainly staying the night and not too many children then long is fine. If they are mostly local, see each other fairly often, childcare considerations then I'd go for later afternoon ceremony and end after an early evening dinner. I've been to all sorts over the years and never felt that any were too long or too short to be honest. Ceremony at 2, end at 11ish seems fairly typical. I would say though that our ceremony was at 2 and the morning did drag a bit, it was a lot of waiting around (my bridesmaid and I did our own hair and make-up which only took about half an hour, we were twiddling our thumbs a bit).

OP what do YOU (and your partner) want?

I'm assuming civil ceremony if it's all in same place?
What do you want to do for food? Entertainment? What numbers are you looking at for all day vs just evening if you're splitting it?

Someone won't want to go to a long day. Some people won't want to travel hours for a short one.

You have to have a wedding you'll be happy with. A quick ceremony then tea and cake then home might he fine for others but not for you. That's ok

My cousin got married a few years ago, and had the church service at midday so we had to leave the house for 11am. The service was a long one, followed by well over an hour of photos in a very cramped churchyard. Then to the hotel where they did another 2 hours of photos, and no drinks/food provided so we spent a small fortune in the bar as we had our 3 DC with us. By 5pm we were all losing the will to live as it was raining and there were over 100 guests in a small bar..... we didn't go into the dining room until 6pm... bearing in mind none of us had eaten since 9am and only crisps/nuts were available from the bar. Had we known, we'd have gone home on the way from the church and had lunch. Our DC were absolutely beyond it by this stage, and when the starter came out and it was melon we all nearly cried. It was 6pm by the time they served the main . The worst part was that it all clearly been kept heated and was almost inedible. The Bride was apparently very upset that no one touched the cooked buffet at 9.30pm............ we'd long gone by that stage. It was very truthfully a horrid horrid day, completely focused on the photography and not the guests. My faith was restored by a friend who got married on a Friday, invited me and my mum and we had the best best afternoon... hot sunny day in a walled hotel garden, food and drink coming out of your ears and all done by 8pm as they had a toddler. Bloody loved that day in comparison.

@TomHardysNextWife

that describes a couple of weddings I've been to, truly horrendous and couldn't leave because there were coaches booked and the bride would have had a fit at me if I'd attempted to leave early.

a couple of people drove off during the photos to get some food - I didn't really believe that no food was coming as we'd been at the church at 12 - so when there was no food except a few dry canapes till 7, I was really shocked.

even a soft drink wasn't free, so trying to get some calories from cola or juice was pricey too.

Ive never been to a short wedding, the last wedding I went to the ceremony was at 11.30am and the party raged on till after 5am and was a fab day.

I was staying in the hotel where the reception was so was up at 7.30am that morning getting a leisurely breakfast and slowly putting on my make up (layers so giving each bit time to take) and colouring my hair as there was a change of plan the week before which meant I didn't get doing it and also got my hair cut and a lift to the ceremony which was 50 mins away

@TomHardysNextWife I think I was at that wedding, describes one I went to completely. I normally love weddings (and i have been to a lot) but not that one! Would have enjoyed it more if there had been drinks and canapés while we were waiting.

So (to those who have asked), we came up with:

12 service
12.30 photos/reception drinks/canapés
2.30 meal (3 courses including cake as pudding then cheese and port)
4.30 speeches
5 chance to wander round the venue out of normal opening hours
7.30 music starts
9 evening food comes out
12 kicking out time

I struggle if I can't eat meals at normalish times. Children struggle a lot more! So a ceremony at 2 with a meal late afternoon/early evening means your guests aren't hungry for much of the day. I have a better time when I'm not hungry (and I have learned to take snacks!)

That sounds like a long day OP being honest. You have to remember that your guests are a captive audience for the day, and will only remember what they're given to eat/drink and how they are "occupied" in between this.

So if we move things forward by half an hour/an hour, that'll mean the meal will be at 3/3.30 and that's late for a lunch, surely?

Why do people need two and a half flipping hours to wander round the venue? Seriously? You want your guests to just amuse themselves for two and half hours? Do photos and canapes have to take two hours (in my experience, they don't)?

Of course it's not too late for lunch! Most people will be well aware that at weddings the food tends to be mid- to late-afternoon. You can easily lose two hours out of your timetable and start at 2 pm.

As I said, the venue is a place people normally pay to get into and spend the day there, so the opportunity to see it out of hours will be a novelty, plus keep the DCs amused (there are a lot of DCs invited). I do worry that 2 or so hours is long but I don't want to serve food too late. And the venue people said to allow 2 hours for reception and photos.