So, weddings...

[MrsWembley]

Short or long?

Discussing timings with a couple of friends yesterday, both of whom have had their day and so have an opinion that counts - one says long, make the most of it, big party of people who will never/probably never be all together in the same room again; the other says meh, long lie-in, least time possible in an uncomfortable dress, no paying extra for evening food!

Is 12 hours from the start of the service to kicking out time too long/not long enough/just right. Service is in the same venue as the reception, so no travel time, and the venue is a place of 'entertainment' for families under normal circumstances so lots to see and do for people whilst photos, etc. are happening.

I'm worried that people may get bored/pissed/cross with grumpy DCs, but I want to have as long as possible because, well, it's my wedding day! What's the general consensus here? Long or short?

Ok I appreciate you want to have as long a day as possible but you really need to think your day if you have families with children.

Things like 'the kids can have a run around' and 'guests can explore the venue unless we are talking zoo and theme park isn't going to work.

Kids don't just run around in circles for 2 hours. They get bored, hungry and dirty and usually end up squabbling/moaning/breaking something. If I have to spend 2.5 hours running around after the kids I will need a change of shoes and kids will probably need a change of clothes and a monster pack of baby wipes.

Instead of coordinating accessories I will need to coordinate my outfit with one of those suitcases on wheels!

I have been to some great weddings but free time was planned really well. Kids activities, games on the lawn, free drinks and snacks for the kids during the photos, colouring books and pencils provided for the speeches etc..

My kids are 12 and 7 and pretty well behaved but I think your day would just be really hard work for all of us. Sorry Op I know it's not what you want to hear but you need to either shorten your day a lot or assume 30 minutes max for any time gaps.

I'd prefer a bit shorter tbh... I'd be done in by 8pm if I'd started drinking at 12:30...

We're doing something like this:

• photos of us before the church service
• 3 pm service
• 4-5:30 drinks
• 5:30 - 7:30 dinner
• 8:30 evening guests arrive and party starts
• 1am kick out

What sort of venue is it - I mean are we talking zoo/legoland/chessington world of adventures or a naice stately home with pretty gardens and some swings?

2pm service
3pm finish and saying hello to everyone (remember that if you only arrive just before the service starts, you won't have seen anyone to talk to except your new DH)
3.30pm photos for you, light refreshments for your guests
4.30pm start getting seated
5pm meal starts (most people will have had an early lunch because of travelling and getting ready)
Speeches during the meal (perhaps before cutting the cake)
7pm evening entertainment starts
Finish time whenever

Yeahcorvid yes I am

Always better to have the ceremony at least 2 even better 3. Having it over lunch is so silly. Everyone is starving and annoyed during the pictures and then you eat at a weird time. People drink too much on empty stomachs.
Getting ready and the morning stuff is part of the day. I didn't want to be up at 5 and exhausted as it all takes ages!

It is, indeed, at a zoo...

I have also been discussing the idea of setting up a room for some quiet kid space with a film or something.

I think... and I paid very little attention as weddings do nothing for me... We had our ceremony at 1 buffet tea straight after then we went to a lovely restaurant at 7 for a meal. We scooted off for photos after the afternoon do whilst the guests went to hotel to get ready etc.

Short every time.
All the weddings I have been to in the past few years have been a bit too long and although obviously very meaningful to the B&G, to an "ordinary" guest they are too many hours with a bunch of strangers.

Although I don't mind the ceremony being longer. I hate disappointingly short, impersonal and unmemorable ceremonies!

OK, with that info in mind, some questions...

What are the wet weather plans?

What are the paths like? (Maybe not very compatible with high heels and other nice shoes?)

If it's a big zoo, there is the chance that people won't want to go too far away from the main venue bit, as there's a chance that they will miss out on something (school friends group photo, type thing). Or are you planning to just have B&G photos?

Were you thinking about a film room for the afternoon or evening? A place for kids to chill out later on could be a good idea, but depends on the age range whether you can find something to watch that covers most bases

Shorter is better I think. I went to a wedding of a good friend that started at 11am and it was just a really long day (and this was before I had children to tire me out!) finishing at around 11pm I think.

Most weddings I have been to that start around 2/3 feel about right, finishing around 11pm/12am.

Is there anywhere guests could leave a bag with a change of clothes, have a comfortable sit down, and relax a bit if they needed or wanted to? A room for kids to chill is a great idea but some adults might like something too?

A zoo would be an amazing place to have a wedding. I will have to tell DD. She would love this. Clearly you are not at all narcissistic or a bridezilla because you won't be the centre of attention.

I hope you have a brilliant (but shorter) day.

Agree with everyone saying make the day much shorter.
You have 2 lots of 2hour periods of 'trapped time' for people to be wandering around kicking their heels.
If I were dressed for a wedding, I wouldn't want to combine that with a trip to the zoo!

The last few weddings I've been to has the ceremony around 2/3pm dinner was about 5 & the evening reception started about 730pm. I dont think ive ever veen at a wedding that ended before 1 am. Then if youre staying at the venue overnight the celebrations usually go on til into the early hours

Makeup needs to be finished before hair. I had one hairdresser and one make up artist for the six of us, and makeup artist got to me for 9 so she could allow hairdresser to start for ten, for a 3pm ceremony. Using those timescales I'd have been up for five, showered and ready for makeup at six if my ceremony had been 12. Alternative of course is to have two hairdressers/make up artists. We weren't getting ready at venue so had to factor in travelling time.

Of you're rating at half 3 and ceremony is at 12, some people will have early breakfast and not eat again due to getting ready and travelling so I'd make sure you had plenty of canapes going that will keep people satisfied.

If we eat at 3.30, I would plan for a 1.30/2pm service.

I know our friends, they'll dress for the zoo

Sorry if I've missed something, but do you have total free choice over ceremony time? We booked in fairly early and the registrar was already booked for my preferred time.

This is one reason I want to get the timings sorted, as I'm worried if we leave it then there won't be any choice.

The worst wedding I went to was a year before mine. 12 pm wedding at church, reception at an extortionate hotel in a remote location an hour away. Few people stayed there and we stayed with relatives a mutual 1 hour from the church and hotel as there were few options nearby. By the time we had a full church service and travelled, it was around 3 by the time we got to the hotel. The bride and groom disappeared for ages for photos. Then there was some sports match in the bar leaving guests stranded with no entertainment, alternative places to go or much in the way of refreshments other than a welcome drink, hot drinks, biscuits and a pay bar. Despite brunch at 10:30 and sandwiches in the car, by the time the wedding breakfast was served, our stomachs thought our throats had been cut. By the time that finished and the disco began it was gone 10pm. We left promptly after the first dance for the hour's drive back. It was worth the flight over solely for meeting some of DH's extended family. I normally love weddings, but this one was incredibly uncomfortable and tedious.

For mine, most guests had to travel so we used a (sensibly priced) hotel and our local church. Some guests travelled the night before so there was a meal together. Others travelled on the morning. The ceremony was 2pm to allow for travel/ preparation. We suggested a nearby pub so people could have a local earlier lunch if needed and warned them that the wedding breakfast was around 6. By the time the service was finished, formal photos were done and travel to the hotel it was towards 4. We had some extra photos around the hotel around the mingling time, but were around. The buffet at 9 was a bit soon after the wedding breakfast. The disco finished around 12, but people were free to leave for their rooms when it suited. A good crowd stuck around the next day to do some hill walking, others left earlier according to their needs.

The main thing we tried to do was to make sure guests were aware of the plans so they could be comfortable. They were kept well fed and watered too.

A zoo sounds amazing. Something for a longer day is is there an accessible place where people can relax?

Talk to your photographer about how long they need. Some photographs need to be set up. Just make sure the guests have something to eat and drink while the photographs are happening. Makes more sense if they could also be wandering around at this time.

Even in a zoo people won't want to wander too much in their best gear.

Take out the second 2 hour gap. Push the first part of the day back 2 hours. So ceremony at 2pm, 3pm for photos, 5 for dinner, & speeches 7.30 for evening guests and 1st dance.

Give you and guests time in the morning to get hair / make-up appointments / get to venue. People can give kids an early lunch then they get early dinner at 5.00

We’re just starting to plan our daughters for July 2020. We think we’ll go for a 2:30 service - so about 45/60 minutes then champagne and canapés outside the church/in the square during photos. That takes us to around 4pm and gives opportunity for villagers to join us for a drink but not attend the full breakfast.
Vintage bus/cars to breakfast venue - about half hour by time people have got on and off etc. 4:30 Drinks on terrace at venue, daughter fancies herself as being on call the midwife so wants a carousel and maybe a Ferris wheel. Music played by a friend.
5:pm ish Wedding Breakfast, speeches, cake etc taking us through to the band’s first set at 7:00/7:30.
Evening food about 9:00 I suppose, before second set. Music will finish around 11:30 then Fireworks before the couple retire.
Lots will be stopping over at venue, in local houses or glamping so we’ll have a campfire going for those who want to stay up and talk/sing for a bit longer.

So all in I think it will be about 9 hours for formal proceedings. Few children as were past the stage where friends have little ones and our daughters friends haven’t started families yet. It could all change yet though. We need to modify some of her most flamboyant ideas.

Thanks for all the ideas and for your examples of how you did/are doing it

Yes to talking to my photographer!

Actually, if I'm going to cut out any wandering time, it'll be the first part - I've been to a wedding at our venue and wandering around after hours without anyone else there is magical and everything is awake in a way they aren't in the middle of the day, especially when it's hot!