So, weddings...

[MrsWembley]

Short or long?

Discussing timings with a couple of friends yesterday, both of whom have had their day and so have an opinion that counts - one says long, make the most of it, big party of people who will never/probably never be all together in the same room again; the other says meh, long lie-in, least time possible in an uncomfortable dress, no paying extra for evening food!

Is 12 hours from the start of the service to kicking out time too long/not long enough/just right. Service is in the same venue as the reception, so no travel time, and the venue is a place of 'entertainment' for families under normal circumstances so lots to see and do for people whilst photos, etc. are happening.

I'm worried that people may get bored/pissed/cross with grumpy DCs, but I want to have as long as possible because, well, it's my wedding day! What's the general consensus here? Long or short?

Does the ceremony have to be at noon? You can’t expect your guests to be left to do fuck all for four hours in the afternoon, even people that do shit like garden games or live bands it’s still a ridiculous length of time wasted. Plus the hours they’ll need in the morning to go to hairdresser/get ready/travel etc, it’d be at least a 16 hour day for guests, and not an enjoyable one.

Okay, so, meal later, let people know (although yes, if the service is at 2, you'd hope people will realise 😉), do speeches over the cheese and port and ensure the photos don't take too long...

And some out there are getting way too invested and . It was a question, I haven't made any decision yet, I'm not forcing people at gunpoint to do anything! It's just I had two different points of view given to me and I am torn between the two!

Weddings in my part of world go as follows:

1.00pm service.
2.00pm to 5.30pm guests amuse themselves until bridal photo session is over.
Guests would normally pop home for a quick cuppa or proceed to hotel where reception is being held and have champagne/tea/coffee and something like shortbread and mingle with other guests.
5.30pm take seats for main meal, which is preceded by speeches.
8.00pm meal over.and band sets up.
8.30 - 10.30 dancing
10.30-11 evening buffet.
11.00pm to 1.00am disco.

That is what majority of weddings I go to are like.

Are you in Ireland, Maverick?

I had a 12pm service and it finished at midnight. No complaints from guests at all!

Mumsnet seems to hate weddings unless it's the two of you in jeans on your own.

Do what suits you op, you know the venue. 2.5hrs to explore sounds great to me! Just make sure no one goes hungry and you'll be fine

"No complaints from guests at all!"

well of course not. No one is going to complain to the couple about their wedding

OP, you don't have to go with what the "professionals" advise, you don't have to do things in a set format.

Recent wedding on a lovely day. Ceremony at 2.30pm, in a local venue. Some photos outside, then off to reception (40 mins drive, including fuel stop). A little waiting around, about 30 mins, while some stuff done, but when we were all there food served about 5pm, followed by speeches and then general mingling, drinking, chatting while the main photos were done in the garden around 7:30pm. It was really relaxed, and the photos show that, people all looking happy. Evening buffet brought out about 9:30pm.

I don't recall a lot of hanging around, and all of us chatting away while watching the photos being done after we'd been fed meant it really was a relaxing time.

I had a 12pm service and it finished at midnight. No complaints from guests at all!

I went to a similar timed wedding. It was utterly boring, far too much hanging around. I didn't, however, complain to the bride. I wasn't going to upset her.

A good photographer also shouldn't need a couple of hours to do photos. Best photos are very often the more informal ones than the formal ones too

My photographer is lovely and will be doing loads of informal stuff, so I guess we won't need that much time for the staged stuff.

Literally no one is invested.
It was just a question and you’re just being given answers.
Hours of doing nothing without the option of going home isn’t a pleasant way to spend a day. HTH

Rachel, I just meant I'm surprised at the anger I'm getting from some posters.

12 hours is too long.

Even for those who want a proper piss up session.

Still too long. I'd find that unendurable and my kids are older. A 2 hour gap for photos? Why?

Shorter. Please.
You'll have many guests disappear home during the second 2hr break (I would!)

Left, I don't know!!! That's why I'm asking!!!!!!!!!!

You'll have many guests disappear home during the second 2hr break (I would!)

I would, too. Might not bother coming back.

Sounds fine to me. The 2 hours after the ceremony will be talking to the guests, not all photos.

For hair, yes allow loads of time! My hair and make up took 2 hours!

I’m used to giant Irish weddings that start at 12 and go on all night.

Got mine next week and it looks like this. 200 plus people. Loads of kids, some of the very young ones getting picked up at 6/7pm by grand parents etc. Most of the advice I have had is about it going too quickly, I think your could push it to 2pm start with yours iall being in one place.

1pm church ceremony
2pm arrive at venue 15 /20 mins away
2-3.45 photos, canapés, cocktail bar/ fizz, loads of crisps for kids, music, kids ents
3.45/4pm sit down for 4 course meal
6ish speeches/ espresso martinis
5-7 face paints lady / balloon model / bouncy castle etc for kids to cover speech time
7.30 evening guests
8 cake and first dance and band
9 evening food
12 home

I think our family are happy to do the 11/12 hour days if they are fed, watered, entertained and with each other. They could talk all night. Hope it goes well xx

Yep, I'd leave at 5pm too. Won't most people have a look round while you're taking photos for two hours before lunch? The kids certainly won't wait for your timetabled wandering period if there's a play area or whatever it is, they'll be there before and during the meal and speeches. I don't quite get how it would work... you'd finish serving the meal and then say 'off you go, bye! Come back in a bit for some music!'?

3.30pm or even 4pm service and dinner at 6pm sounds much better to me.^^ Just my opinion though, and I have to admit although I do like weddings, I leave before the dancing normally.

12 service
12.30 photos/reception drinks/canapés
2.30 meal (3 courses including cake as pudding then cheese and port)
4.30 speeches
5 chance to wander round the venue out of normal opening hours
7.30 music starts
9 evening food comes out
12 kicking out time

I don’t think those timings would work. Having a wedding at lunchtime when people may have travelled to get there; and not having any proper food until 2.30 means you will have hungry, grumpy and potentially some very pissed guests.

We had a mid-afternoon wedding so that people had time to travel, have something to eat and get changed. The wedding breakfast was a buffet served late afternoon. We didn’t have an evening do as they weren’t really a “thing” when we got married.

“So if I make sure people know we're not eating until 3/3.30, then they will have the chance to snack/have brunch/whatever before the service and it's not too long between this and the evening food.”

I have images of guests eating sandwiches during the ceremony and feeding their hungry children. Your timings are just not practical.

I went with wedding at 3.30 - then 30 mins to venue, canapes while photos were being done. Food at 6. More food at 10. Coaches home at 11.30.

And that felt like quite long enough....

It sounds like a really long day.

For people who had travelled to be there we put a meal on the night before, so the families had a chance to meet. And did bacon baps and tea at our house the morning after for another chat and a catch up before people left.

Won't most people have a look round while you're taking photos for two hours before lunch?

This, absolutely. You've got two periods of two hours where people will be kicking their heels. Most people will only need to be around for about 5 minutes during photos. People will wander off and explore and they won't want to do it again late afternoon.

Ours was a 12h day.

12pm Ceremony
1pm Canapes and Champagne/Photos
2pm Called in for Wedding Breakfast
2.30pm Wedding Breakfast served
5pm Speeches
6pm - 1 hour break. Cannot STRESS how amazing this was and how many people appreciated it. It gives them chance to check into their hotel room/have a general break from people.
7pm - Evening guests arrive
8pm - Cake cutting followed by 1st dance
8.30pm - Evening buffet served
9pm - Dancing gets into full swing
12am - Kickout

People were welcome to leave at any point after the speeches tbh. Some did.

Your speeches will not take 30 minutes. I don't know how, but they just go ON!

OP I'm not picking up that anyone's angry but if we are, it's probably remembering all the hours of our lives we lost, hanging around a wedding, bored and hungry

it sounds like you've not had the experience so don't realise how awful it is? what's your experience of weddings?

if you are open to a suggestion as you say, then I'd reiterate

cut the day in half

you don't need 2 hours for photos, max 1 hour and make sure there's food and drink to keep guests going

if you opt to have a long day, put on the invitation that people are welcome to stay but they are free to leave. It might sound obvious but the people who had very long wedding days with no food were close friends and I couldn't just up and leave without feigning illness and/or causing massive offence.