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Original poster

Straw poll: if you married in the last 5 years, did you change your name or not?

181 replies

HerculesTheBerkules · 28/08/2018 13:19

Just talking about this at work, I thought more people changed their names than didn't, but colleague thought otherwise. What did you do? (Just curiosity, you don't have to explain your decision btw!)

OP posts:
PavlovaFaith · 29/08/2018 12:04

Yes changed to his

TittyGolightly · 29/08/2018 12:06

This comes up so often on these threads, like it's some kind of cosmic inevitability that children take their father's surname.^•

And if it’s such an issue why have children before changing names? Anyone can change their names at any point, so why don’t they if it’s so awful?

eeanne · 29/08/2018 12:15

This comes up so often on these threads, like it's some kind of cosmic inevitability that children take their father's surname.

It’s not. But everyone I know who kept their maiden name, gave their children the husbands surname. So I know a lot of: Mr Smith, Boy Smith, Girl Smith, and Ms Jones. To me this is odd. At minimum kids should be Jones-Smith right? But I almost never see that. At least in my generation.

Defender90 · 29/08/2018 12:17

Married last year - changed my name. We had very similar names so all I was doing was dropping a letter.

Mugglemom · 29/08/2018 12:22

I married in 2017 and kept my name.

TittyGolightly · 29/08/2018 12:25

DH’s surname is 4 syllables, so didn’t want to add my 3 syllables to it. DD has my name as a middle name and DH’s surname as her surname. They just sounded better that way. She likes that she has both.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 29/08/2018 12:31

Married 4 years, changed my name.

OrcinusOrca · 29/08/2018 12:35

We took each other's, so we are double barrelled (but with not hyphen Grin)

OrcinusOrca · 29/08/2018 12:35

In the last month I know two couples who married and both women took the man's name though.

CrossFlannelCherry · 29/08/2018 12:45

My daughter's situation was a bit different. Her fiancé was raised by his mother and step-father (fiancé never really got on with step-father) and so had his step-father's surname. When DD and fiancé thought about their married surname, fiancé decided he wanted to reclaim his late father's name. DD really liked that name so they both name changed. It did cause some confusion but people soon got used to it.

YouCantBeSirius · 29/08/2018 13:26

Married 3 months ago and I kept my name.

BigRedBoat · 29/08/2018 13:35

I changed mine.

borlottibeans · 29/08/2018 13:53

Married earlier this year and I kept my name - having had it for over 30 years I felt quite attached. (Or, according to some posters, I kept my paternal great great great great grandfather's place of origin as my name rather than taking my husband's adopted great great great great grandfather's profession.)

I've tried to stay Ms as well but that's been more of an uphill battle as people just default to Mrs. On one memorable occasion I was asked for a divorce certificate when attempting to correct my title at the bank. The woman very indignantly said that she LIKED being Mrs when I explained, as though I had made the decision to separate my name from my marital status at her.

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 29/08/2018 15:54

Gosh, how arrogant. As if you'd give a shit about what she calls herself and why.

WeaselsRising · 29/08/2018 16:15

I work with a lot of young women, and all those who have recently married (quite a few) have changed their names.

Another group were discussing it recently and seemed to be of the opinion, as per a pp, that becoming Mrs DH is what you do.

My DC all have our hyphenated DB surname. Youngest, aged 11, came home from primary school telling me that girls change their name when they get married. When I asked her why she thought she had a grandmother with each part of her surname she was Shock. Seems like society/peers/school has far more influence on children than their family/parents.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 29/08/2018 16:42

Married five years ago, kept my name.
Has kids before we married, they have DH's surname.
As it turns out it's just him and the kids left with his name, so that's quite nice. Both his parents died before he was 40.

Waffles22 · 29/08/2018 16:45

Married 2 years ago - I changed mine :) Never really occurred to me not to as I didn’t have much attachment to my surname. It was unusual but not prettily so - just hard to spell and easy to Google!

BackIntoTheSun · 29/08/2018 16:57

Changed mine

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2018 17:01

Is the bingo card full yet? Grin

MrsBlaidd · 29/08/2018 17:01

So men own their surnames but women only ever borrow them? Bollocks.

My point exactly but thanks for the insult, so having my father's, father's father's etc name was no different to have my husband's father's, father's etc name. However you cut it, I'd be using a male's surname that had been passed down through time. Never a family name passed down by women, only men. Why should I care which one I use? Confused

The only way to break the chain would be to invent a new surname just for us and our children. It's just a name, it doesn't define me any more than my 'maiden' name did it also doesn't allude to my mother's family at all.

Like I said, omitting mothers from the wedding register is far worse than women who choose to take their husband's name. It is literally deleting them from history.

Get off your keyboard and go overhaul the wedding registration rules and make it standard that upon leaving a wedding ceremony the marriage certificate is sufficient for either/both persons to legally change their known identity and it'll go further in addressing the perceived imbalance than spouting hate at women who are happy using their husband's surname.

I've raised it as a point of concern with my MP who agrees and is supporting motions to get this addressed. Maybe if more keyboard warriors happy to talk down to other women on a forum did the same there'd be more change happening rather than just insulting us poor deluded women who can't even stick to their father's surname!

DwangelaForever · 29/08/2018 17:14

4 years this November and I changed my surname (to much annoyance from my dads side of family as he has no sons to pass on the surname and my new surname is quite generic Hmm)

MingeUterusMingeMingeYoni · 29/08/2018 17:26

So having my father's, father's father's etc name was no different to have my husband's father's, father's etc name. However you cut it, I'd be using a male's surname that had been passed down through time. Never a family name passed down by women, only men. Why should I care which one I use?

If that was your point, you didn't phrase it well. You are here effectively admitting that there's no distinction between the way in which you acquired your surname and the way in which your husband acquired his. Yet you earlier referred to yours as your dad's and his as his own, which is clearly nonsense. It is the inconsistency that was being commented on.

Also, the comment about marriage certificates and changing identity is bemusing (do you mean changing name when you say changing identity? It sounds that way as changing ID is something else entirely). It's already the case that neither men nor women legally require a marriage certificate to change their names. Any issues anyone may have encountered are administrative, and do not relate to the law.

TittyGolightly · 29/08/2018 18:09

Get off your keyboard and go overhaul the wedding registration rules

In a way I have been - I’ve been lobbying for civil partnerships for straight couples for the best part of a decade.

Justanotheruser01 · 29/08/2018 19:04

Was happy to take husbands name. But i know a mix of ladies who did or didnt or double barrelled or he took her name.

99Probllamas · 29/08/2018 19:49

Married 2 years ago, changed my name