Straw poll: if you married in the last 5 years, did you change your name or not?

[HerculesTheBerkules]

Just talking about this at work, I thought more people changed their names than didn't, but colleague thought otherwise. What did you do? (Just curiosity, you don't have to explain your decision btw!)

Changed and don't know anyone that hasn't . Each to their own.

I changed my name, but I didn't really want to (got married roughly four years ago on my 26th birthday.) My maiden name is fairly common, whereas husband's is not. My parents aren't married, but all us kids have my dad's surname. (In contrast, my niece has my sister's surname as her dad isn't in the picture.) When I get divorced from husband I'm changing it back (or I might change it to something completely different, just because I can.)

Kept mine.

Most of my friends changed theirs.

I only know a couple of men who have taken the wife's surname and 2 couples who have created a new joint surname for their marriage.

“Those decisions aren’t made in a vacuum, and they impact more widely on society and future generations of girls.“

Yup yup yup.

Got married two years ago and double barrelled, which I regret a bit now- if I was choosing again I wouldn’t bother at all. I’m very much of the opinion my name is just as important as DH’s, and DD has both double barrelled as well.

I often do an internal groan when I see another young woman drop her maiden name after marriage.

Even more depressing is when they come out with drivel like “I wanted to feel like more of a family unit.” because they know that “I wanted everyone to know I was someone’s wife” sounds insane.

Kept own name - married mid 40s for the first (hopefully only) time so may be slightly different than most?1

Those decisions aren’t made in a vacuum, and they impact more widely on society and future generations of girls

I still don't see the logic of a woman keeping her name but giving her children her husband's name as default. It's like the mother still belongs to her father and the children belong to their father.

I can only speak for myself as a mixed race family I would have a big concern with children who look quite physically different than I do also not sharing a name. Especially as we live overseas and cross borders regularly. Friends in the same situation are carrying their children's birth certificates with them, some have had border staff ask "Who is this woman, what's her relationship to you" to small children to suss out child smuggling.

Would love to have combined or created a new one but maybe my children will do that and it will be a trend in the future that works!

I married almost 21 years ago and kept my name.
It is no less my name than my husbands is his and definitely dosn't make me feel less of a family unit.

Married 4 years ago. Kept my own name. Kids are double-barrelled.

Kept mine. DS is double barrelled.

I still don't see the logic of a woman keeping her name but giving her children her husband's name as default. It's like the mother still belongs to her father and the children belong to their father.

Where did I advocate a default position for naming babies?

Friends in the same situation are carrying their children's birth certificates with them, some have had border staff ask "Who is this woman, what's her relationship to you" to small children to suss out child smuggling.

That really isn’t how it happens. I’ve flown a lot with DD. She has both of our names, and a gate attendant asking her who I am to a response of “mummy” has never been a big deal. They generally do it as part of a conversation so nobody is traumatised.

Changed mine

I changed mine.
My friend got married at the weekend and double barrelled hers, her husband stayed the same.
Every other wedding I’ve been to in the last 5 years has changed to husband’s name.

I saw no difference to being known as my husband's surname than I did as my father's. In fact being MrsBlaidd is far more freeing than being MissBeforeBlaidd.

There isn't a point in my maternal family where the surname wasn't passed down via father rather than the mother so to truly break a chain of patriarchy would have involved creating a brand new surname which was utterly unnecessary.

The real problem with patriarchy and marriage is the fact that mother's are not listed on the registry unless being used as a witness whereas the father always is. I think this being resolved is far more important than hand wringing about the surname that a woman chooses when she marries.

If your surname was your father's mrsblaidd, then by that definition your husband's was his father's. You've gone from your dad's to your FIL's. Alternatively, your husband's name is his own, which means so is yours, and you swapped yours for his. But it's one or the other of those. Unless your husband didn't get his name from his dad or any male ancestor of course.

I saw no difference to being known as my husband's surname than I did as my father's.

So men own their surnames but women only ever borrow them? Bollocks.

Didn’t change mine

I changed mine. I had a very common surname and wanted to have the same name as my children.

married in 2015 and changed mine but mainly because I didn't like my last name anyway.

married 5 years ago. I double barrelled mine. I know 5 other couples who have got married since then and all the women changed their names. I also know a same sex couple who made their own unique surname.

Yes and no. I use my married name for family admin but maiden name for work and social media/email etc.

Married 3 years ago and kept my name. Why wouldn't I ?

I took my husband's name. I didn't like my children having a different name to me.

I took my husband's name. I didn't like my children having a different name to me.

This comes up so often on these threads, like it's some kind of cosmic inevitability that children take their father's surname.

I married in 2013 and kept my name. I'm now widowed