What is it like having older children?

[RosettaStoned]

Hi all,

I'm currently off work with my 2 kids. Oldest is 5, youngest is almost 3. I was supposed to go out with them today but life got in the way.

All day I've had non-stop whining and moaning from them. They fight over the same toy despite the fact they have many. They keep going out the back door into the garden then running back in the house with their muddy wellies on all over my carpet.
Youngest decided to roll my kitchen roll out on the kitchen floor. I can't sit down because when I ask them if they want anything to eat, they simultaneously say 'no'. As soon as I make something for myself they then decide they want what I'm having. So I'll make it for them only for them to end up wasting half of it

They are currently fighting over a red blanket in the front room. Ffs!!!

What is it like having older kids? Is it always going to be like this???

PS this is a light hearted thread, I adore my kids dearly and generally speaking they are very well behaved. It's just today they are grating on me

I have a 12 year old and 14 year old. They're amazing but god almighty the constant sniping at each other does my head in.

He's looking at me funny.
Tell her not to come in my room.
Stop THINKING about coming in my room etc etc.
DS goes out on his bike and I'm worried the entire time.

Lots of things are easier, but older children bring their own set of issues/worries.

Sorry Wilbur but I chuckled out loud at "stop THINKING about coming in my room" youngest son is looking at me now!

Yeah I suppose you're right but part of me longs for the day I can let them play out or at a friends house I will probably worry like mad when that day finally arrives

Oldest 29, youngest is 3.
Currently dealing with 2x adult dc relationship break ups, 1 adult dc having gf trouble, 2 teens surgically attached to Xbox..
2 preteen dd's dealing with spots /cabin fever and arguing because I won't allow later nights.
A near 10 yo who is too old for soft play apparently and won't accept he will be seeing fire works on his birthday as usual (born 5/11 so sorry ds!)
And a toddler who has been taught how to give the middle finger .
I wish I liked .

Wonderful.

Dd is 17yo. She’s a good kid doesn’t give me any trouble and works hard at school. She’s a bit selfish/self absorbed at times I guess but I think that’s fairly normal at her age.

I’m a bit of an irrelevance in her life unless she wants money/clothes/food. We still have the occasional nice day out which will revolve around shopping and lunch but she spends most of the time either with her boyfriend or on social media with friends.

So I have plenty of free time and feel I’m getting my own life back which is amazing. Am concentrating on my career and also the gym and seeing friends at weekends.

Oh my April, I feel for you! Do you like wine? for you

Mine are 15 and 12 and I'm loving it. Yes there's the hormonal outbursts and strops from DD(15) and DS (12) is glued to the PS4 and just grunts if you ask him anything.

But they can be left alone at home and they won't fight as always busy doing their own thing, always have friends round or are out with friends. I'm just needed as a taxi service or ATM and as homework monitor and meal provider.

Other than that my time is my own, DH and I can go out without a babysitter on the spur of the moment and from next year once DS is 13 and DD 16, we're going to start leaving them home alone overnight occasionally! Can't wait!

two older teens, brilliant, such good company, fun, interesting, and earning a bit of money of their own now, with holiday jobs

off to university and college in a few weeks, exams done, grades achieved, ready to branch out and be independent..

still can't put the loo seat down or remember to feed the cat

I am currently sitting quietly in a clearing in a woods and the six kids I have with me (2x11, 2x10, 2x8) are all off running wild somewhere in the distance.....not always like this and I can guarantee that when we get home my lot will recommence the ‘he/she’s thinking something I don’t like’ shenanigans but I will remind myself of the p&q i’ve just had! You’re not alone and it does get easier, sort of 🍷

I’m loving it! My youngest two used to be really really hard work when they were little. Ds2 used to regularly try and strangle his sister 😬 now they are 13 and 15 and best mates! They have mutual friends, they hang out together and he is fiercely protective of her. It gets better I promise

My 5 yr ld is suddenly amazing and has become independent, calm and low risk. He stays out of most of the fighting now too. I can see the 4 yr old beginning to go that way too and it gives me such hope.

I do think it’s important to constantly think about the future and how you want them to be. Many things they can learn. The more practical things you teach them, the more boundaries you reinforce as habit and the effort you put into teaching them how to coexist now, the better it will be in the future. I don’t want to still be asked every 2 minutes by an 8, 10, 11 and 12 yr old for a bloody snack or drink. I don’t want to be searching for their items or opening their curtains. I don’t want to be run to for arguments etc. So I’m trying now to train them well, give them freedom and independence along with house rules, and these days when they fight about nothing I tell them to take it elsewhere and sort it out (violence gets an immediate removal from the room).

It’s hard and I fail at the above on a daily basis but I can see the effort I do manage paying off in the 5 and 4 yr old.

I have dd 14 and ds 13, dsd 14 and dsd 12.

I also have a 14 month old ds. He is the easiest.

Mine are 18-23, they’ve been terrific and always got on well , played brilliantly and are very close. They are all independent now apart from ds3 who isn’t going to university ( you can’t tell them what to do)

I think it’s much harder work parenting from the teens onwards and the age brings on much different problems that get you reaching for the .

We love them dearly and are extremely proud of them.

Mine are mostly students and a lot of fun

Glad to know it gets easier, thanks for the replies They are currently playing cars together and getting along nicely. I love it when they play together well.

Good advice @Hideandgo, I try to give them independence and they have clear ground rules. But today they are mithering me to the nth degree. It will pass, they are generally ace little people. Just fed up with 'I had it first', 'no it's mine!' antics they partake in from time to time. My brain is frazzled.

Any wisdom looking back from parents of teens and older? Anything that made a positive impact on family life and harmony and giving you back a little freedom?

Well my eldest DS is 9, but I still see him as my baby and it doesn't feel long ago at all. He's a lovely, polite, kind boy. He has his moments of being cheeky and winding up his younger siblings but he's protective and loving towards them too. Love the way we can have a little joke together and his sense of humour.

Wilburls my 16 and 12 year olds are exactly like that .
They aren't here this week though and boy do I miss them!

It’s lovely, really lovely. They are 11 and 13 , chalk and cheese( of course), and funny.

Rosetta, I’m finding the stress intolerable with the baby, 2yr old and to some degree 4 yr old at times to be honest. It’s very hard. They are utterly beautiful little people but the want and need so much and are completely unreasonable. But my 5 yr old has blown my mind with how he’s grown and improved after his first year in school. Suddenly having empathy and patience and being able to understand complex explanations and being able to sort his own things when I’m busy. Please God let this be the start of parenting being a bit more enjoyable. We’ve always tried to be strict about learning and rules and doing things for themselves but it’s hard to keep reinforcing and putting the effort into teaching them when you’re exhausted. But I can see it’s paying off with him and his little sister is also suddenly taking it all on board too. Many days I find myself just reacting and firefighting all day but I try to stop and think what I should be doing to teach them so it’s not always like this.

That's such a beautiful thing you said about your 5 yo @Hideandgo. I bet you're so proud.

Does parenting get easier or just different? Do children get easier or are the struggles and issues much more worse when they're older?

DS is lying on the sofa beside the dog at the moment, all big feet and hairy legs (both of them) and it's a weird feeling that he's growing into a young adult. I want him to have an amazing, independent life and experience wonderful things - but I also want him to stay here with me forever! They seem to think that they don't need you so much when actually I think they need you more, just not for the same things.

DC are 9&7.

They sleep through the night, do their own self care, sort their own breakfasts, can tie their own shoes. It's great.

They bicker & there's definitely a lot to be said for them spending time apart, but on the whole they're a doddle compared to toddler days.

Hormones are coming though & the friendship aspect of DiddyDragon being in school is getting more complex. She's going to be a total joy as a teenager.

Hormones are coming though & the friendship aspect of DiddyDragon being in school is getting more complex.

@DMCWelshCakes I might have misunderstood, sorry. Is that in regard to the opposite sex? Or just among his/her peers in general? In what way does it get complex? Sorry for all the questions

I have a 10 ds and 13 yo dd. They do bicker a lot but also have a surprising amount in common in spite of the age and boy/girl gap. They are good company and pretty funny!
They are very little effort really and happily keep themselves entertained (often separately but sometimes together) at home. They didn't want lunch when I had mine today, so they made it themselves later.
If anything they can be a bit whingy sometimes when faced with family activities (dog-walks, other outings) as they'd often rather read, draw or play on the PS4. The dog is more trouble than they are!

Teenagers need you just as much as younger children but in a different way obviously. They don't necessarily need your undivided attention but your 'presence', if that makes sense.

I always said 'please don't keep secrets from us, we might not always be happy with you but we'll always be there for you if you need us, we love you', I know that sounds a bit cheesy but I think it's important to keep reminding them they're loved even when you're pissed off with them.