What is it like having older children?

[RosettaStoned]

Hi all,

I'm currently off work with my 2 kids. Oldest is 5, youngest is almost 3. I was supposed to go out with them today but life got in the way.

All day I've had non-stop whining and moaning from them. They fight over the same toy despite the fact they have many. They keep going out the back door into the garden then running back in the house with their muddy wellies on all over my carpet.
Youngest decided to roll my kitchen roll out on the kitchen floor. I can't sit down because when I ask them if they want anything to eat, they simultaneously say 'no'. As soon as I make something for myself they then decide they want what I'm having. So I'll make it for them only for them to end up wasting half of it

They are currently fighting over a red blanket in the front room. Ffs!!!

What is it like having older kids? Is it always going to be like this???

PS this is a light hearted thread, I adore my kids dearly and generally speaking they are very well behaved. It's just today they are grating on me

DDs, 14 and 10 here.
Pluses:
No more childcare problems
We can go to the shops and leave them home;
They shower and feed themselves;
School runs are all in the past.
The eldest is a better cook than I am.

Cons:
They are surgically attached to tablets and Nintendo ;
Have to be dragged out of bed at the weekends;
Capable of inhaling the contents of the fridge;
No shower is complete without hair everywhere and soaking wet towels,
They use phenomenal quantities of loo roll and San pro.

But overall it's much easier now.

can't sit down because when I ask them if they want anything to eat, they simultaneously say 'no'.

Why the heck are you asking a 5 and 3 year old that question?

It comes to lunchtime. You serve lunch. End of.

Ragwort

The other things about teens is that they can be incredibly emotionally mature and perceptive and daft as a brush at the same time! (Well, mine is anyway!) But going with the first trait......

...having an adolescent in the house is, imho, tantamount to holding a mirror up to yourself (and a mirror that is not situated in a very flattering light sometimes either!). You need to be quite emotionally strong yourself (basically to have sorted out your own issues) because they will hone in on any or all of your character flaws during disputes about their behaviour. And, quite rightly, woe betide any parent who criticizes a teen who is messy, late, or leaves things (such as study) to the last minute, or spends too much time on their phone, for example, if you exhibit those very same faults yourself!

In a nutshell, the old saying is true, children do what you do and not what you say!

Mine is 12. In some ways it's ace as she is extremely independent and great company. However, she has always been a completely closed book and I have no idea what she is thinking at all and tells me nothing about her, which I find hard, particularly as I know something is bothering her but won't discuss it at all.

Re ways to make life easier - the minute it is appropriate to do so, teach your dc to make breakfast and put the tv on. You buy yourself an extra bit of sleep on a weekend. Mine could do cornflakes with a splosh of milk and CBeebies from age 4 ish.

@Dilemmacentral they can be fussy eaters. They had their lunch, but picked at it. Later I made myself come crackers and cheese as a snack. I asked if they wanted some. Both said no. Then they saw me eating mine and suddenly they want some. They are so bloody contrary at times! I guess it's normal.

@Spreadingcudweed and @DoubleNegativePanda your posts nearly made me cry, no idea why. Especially when your dd have you a hug after slamming the car door!

Gonna give my boys a big cuddle. They're busy playing as I won't put CBeebies or Tiny Pop on for them as I've had enough of kids shows got my brother and his kids coming round soon anyway so they'll be entertained that way.

DS 25. Has had a flat of his own since he left university. I still miss him and we try to see each other often. He's coming this weekend.

He was an easy baby and it never changed. I can honestly say it's been a delight raising him. Obviously he had his moments, especially when playing Fifa on the Xbox and screaming at the screen.

Thankfully he is pretty sensible, no drugs etc and very good with money. Our biggest worry was when he had a pneumothorax just after starting university and at the other end of the country. Many sleepless nights. Fortunately, although he missed almost all the first term he settled straight back in without any issues.

When I read some of the posts on here I realize how lucky we are to have had such an easy time. Long may that continue!

There are new challenges, really.

Mine are 10 and 13. They fight like cat and dog, worse now than they did when they were little. And I have such different children - life seems to be a constant juggling of 10 yr olds gazillions of activities and clubs and massive amounts of energy, and a fight to get 13 yr old off his screens and to do or help with anything.

It’s definitely physically less tiring now, though. And I don’t have to do every little thing myself. DD is currently setting the table for brunch, DS is in the shower and getting himself ready, they’re both going to pack their own bags for the beach (we are on holiday). Little things like that make life easier for me 😆

We were at the beach yesterday, actually. DH and I were sitting on our loungers, drink in hand, while DC were back and forth to the sea, beach bar for drinks etc...and I was watching the families with small children running around after them, changing nappies, dealing with tantrums etc and thinking ‘God I wouldn’t have the energy for all that now!’ ...so there are definite plus points 😁

My two drove me screaming point earlier in the week. Then yesterday DD decided she wanted to show me how good veggie cooking can be (she might want to be a vegetarian but hasn't made her mind up yet) and it was delicious, shame about the mess! DS complained about not getting chicken and chips (he would live on it) but ate up everything and was even nice to his sister about it!!
So today its great but it varies more from terrible to fantastic than it did when they were little. They dont fight phsyically anymore but the spiteful comments are out of this world and the amount they can go on and on and carry a grudge!! (they get that from DH who has elephant memory for things that went wrong years ago!)

I think I’m in the golden years right now with mine at 11, 8 and 5. They can squabble and bicker but they are much less needy and self-sufficient. The 5-year-old has improved a lot in the last year or so. Trips out are much easier. Just hoping DS1 doesn’t suddenly turn into a nightmare teenager!

My girls are grown up now but I found that the early teen years were the most soul destroying and difficult. 13 year old teen girls are, in my humble opinion, horrible! They got batter as they got older and are fab now but I remember the constant moaning, arguing, lethargy, selfishness, thoughtlessness and sheer hard work they both were. It all passes though and it stage has challenges of its own. I'm a grandma now though and it's all fab

This is interesting reading! Mine are young still and I love the cuddles and love and way it's easy to keep them safe and know where they are... but I am SO TIRED and feel like i never get a proper rest and can never keep on top of the housework, life admin etc because they're so demanding and I'm on duty 24/7.

Mine are also 5 and 3 (and I have a 7mo too) I hear ya OP.

I've just dragged us all out so the can bash each other up in the park

The = they

Mine are nearly 21 and 23.
The 23 year old has his first car accident yesterday (not his fault) and needs a little hand holding as i work in car industry and can get him advice. Just started new job and looking forward to getting his first house with gf.
The 21 is in america for 3 months then off to uni, was stressful getting her off to USA as she needed last minute vaccines sorted out etc and uni advice .

I have a question for those with 18+ and maybe bigger age gaps. What's it like when older ones start to leave an the unit breaks up. I have an 8 year age gap between eldest and youngest (plus 2 in the middle). I don't dread DH and I being on our own but find the interim years a bit odd to think about, when there'll only be 1 or 2 on our family holiday or home for Christmas. I think DC1 has had the best of the family life in a way, always a part of the family but the younger ones will experience a kind of dwindling away!

Dd 29 still has tea several times a week with us!! And holidays!! Ds +gf bring dgs every other Sunday, and chef ds is with us whenever he isn't working!! Maybe twice a week for tea!
Still have whole family days out and older ones still come!!

Paddling it all happens in a natural way. You get excited about each new stage along with them As they move out to go to college they are bursting with excitement and so you get carried along. Its lovely when they arrive home some weekends with all the stories and new friends.
Remember how it seemed so natural when a new baby joins the family. You just adjust and it becomes your new life.
But you must have your own life, your own interests and let them go.
Mine are still all here for Christmas and literally want everything to stay the same.
I had younger siblings when l went to college and we are all grown up now and a very united family. I am close to my younger dsis who was much younger.
It all just flows.

I have 17,16,12,10 and it's honestly great. No fights between them (they stay in their own rooms often), they youngest 2 spend more time with us and we all play D&D & board games weekly together (we are heavy in gaming, not the likes of monopoly!). We all regularly go to cinema, theme parks & meals out. Lots of walks with coffee shop stops too and often book buying for 3 of them. It's a lot easier although it is expensive! DH & I are walking cash machines and taxis but overall life is great now they are older

9 year old DD told 12 year old DS off for breathing yesterday. Apparently it was too loud. You will look back at the kitchen roll incident with joy 🤣

All mine are in their 30's, I can categorically state that I am worrying /have worried about one or the other throughout their lives.
All four of them still have to unburden themselves on me and DH to a certain extent.
They still regard "our home" as their home despite nice houses and flats that they live in. The two youngest still live with me and DH and so do theor OH's!
Op enjoy your little ones!

It gets better. My teens are genuinely lovely and pretty well behaved most of the time. Their bedrooms are like bomb sites but it's a small price to pay for them being good company, cooking the occasional decent meal and making me proper coffee at weekends.

I didn't enjoy the early years at all. Too noisy, stressful and messy. The teen years are a breeze in comparison

Brilliant. I don’t get it right all the time, but I’m a much better (and happier) mum to teens than little ones.

One thing that’s struck me is how the early years pass so slowly and seem to stretch out forever, but before you know it you’re starting to look at universities!

Older ‘children’ bring a whole new set of worries. My boys are 21 and 18 and now we worry about them going out at night, about them driving, about their career choices...and friends are just a mentioned name a lot of the time, you might not ever meet them like you do when they’re younger and you don’t know what they’re like.

Having said that, it’s wonderful as they grow into adults. We go out to the pub as a family on occasions, me and the youngest go to football matches together which is something we’ve always done but we still do it now he’s an adult. The oldest is my concert buddy, and earlier this week he treated me to a day out in London, just the two of us, and I had his company for 14 hours. He has a lovely girlfriend too who is part of the family and we all adore her.

They get on well now too, when they were younger they constantly bickered but now they’re good friends.

If you had a 19 year old step daughter who didn’t live with you and your husband but asked her Dad if she could stop by your home while you were on holiday, do you think you should be told? Asked? How would you feel about it?

Probably should add that they still haven’t mastered the art of turning off a light or changing a toilet roll yet though and bloody hell, they’re so expensive! More so than when they were younger.