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Original poster

To think some women with children look down on childless women?

143 replies

Kartrashian · 20/08/2018 22:12

Just curious really ...

I’m childless and I know at least two women that I see in a social situations (friend of a friend/family member) that genuinely look through me like I’m invisible.

They always make the effort to talk to the other mums.

I do want to stress that I said SOME women .., but has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:

theunsure · 20/08/2018 22:15

Yep! A lot.
Meh, people are generally horrible and women are the worst. I don’t get it from men!

Starlight345 · 20/08/2018 22:16

I have a couple of friends who don’t have children . I am not sure why I would look down on them to be honest

cuckoocuckoos · 20/08/2018 22:16

Yes, my SIL did this.

midnightflying · 20/08/2018 22:17

No I’ve generally found it the other way in my experience.
Sometimes Women without children I find look down on those with. Comments like I would hate to be tied down, or I wouldn’t dream of having dc before 35 or whatever they deem the acceptable age to be.
Maybe you have met a couple of snobby mums, if so just ignore. Like I ignore the arrogant child free comments.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2018 22:17

How do you know it’s because you don’t have children?

I’ve been stuck in conversations about babies that just seem to go on for ages and ages where I literally have said nothing for about fifteen minutes without anyone noticing that I have nothing to contribute. It is hard being the odd one out.

tectonicplates · 20/08/2018 22:19

Could I please point out that child-free is the right term for people who choose not to have children. Childless is generally used more for people who can't. Please be careful as the wrong word can really cause some upset.

Finfintytint · 20/08/2018 22:19

I suppose people gravitate towards what is common to them. I don't know. I have one child but my best friends are the childless ones who don't want to talk about child- related boring stuff. Neither do I ! It is refreshing to talk about adult stuff without referencing what little Finfin was up to this minute.

smashyourglasses · 20/08/2018 22:19

I get this a lot. When pushed i say it's because i don't want kids, i get the wide eyed staring off into the distance look.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2018 22:19

How do you know which category the op falls into tectonic?

OutPinked · 20/08/2018 22:19

Only if they hate being a mother and are jealous of you.

I have middle aged colleagues that have chosen to remain child free, I definitely don’t look down on them in the slightest.

Timefortea99 · 20/08/2018 22:22

Never felt looked down upon at all. I love my life, it would glance off me anyway...

midgesforever · 20/08/2018 22:22

I have friends who are childless, it wasn't through choice. I haven't noticed anyone looking down on them but I suspect some child based conversations must bore them witless.

Robots1Humans0 · 20/08/2018 22:22

Personally I never would as have female relatives that have chosen not to have children, which is entirely their choice and I respect that (and vice Versa), but my children are a huge part of my life and a really easy conversation starter with other mums! It's harder to keep up with other stuff when kids come along, and I feel like I definitely have less to talk about outside of the world of kids. As well now I have kids, I feel there is a gulf between me and my non-parent friends, as some of them don't get why I don't have loads of free time in an evening etc. They are still very young though (the kids!)

stuckficks · 20/08/2018 22:23

One of my so called best friends looked down on me because I wasn't married (long term relationship) and didn't have kids. She actually told me she pitied me...
I've two kids now, still not married. She's happy I have kids but still feels sad for me that no one will marry me...

Some people are just dicks, mate. Let them crack on. I don't judge at all, embrace Otherhood! There's more to life than being a mother.

tectonicplates · 20/08/2018 22:23

@PurpleDaisies I don't, but parents tend to be more compassionate towards people who can't or are finding it difficult TTC. Choosing not to have children is what causes some people to look down on others or treat them as weird. But I have actually seen people in here writing "childless by choice" which is extremely hurtful.

BonnieF · 20/08/2018 22:27

If you’re child free, as opposed to childless, it’s envy OP.

They envy the amount of freedom, flexibility, time, choices and disposable income you have.

tangledyarn · 20/08/2018 22:29

I definitely feel looked down on for being childless (not by choice) as though I'm not a proper adult, don't have responsibilities, don't know real love etc but I'm sure the opposite is true at other times. I do feel there's very much a mum club that I'm not part of and often feel very excluded whether its intentional or just circumstance.

Sharkwithknees · 20/08/2018 22:29

Really? I became a mother early 20s which was alot earlier than most of my friends, some have not had any. Some won't or CANT ever have them. I'd never look down on them, why would I?? Crazy to think some women might do this!

But then, some women look down on over a for all sorts of shit. I remember a lady in my antenatal being horrified that I was going back to work full time after 6 months. We'd been friendly up until this point. She looked at me aghast and said "I can't understand you people who have kids and expect others to bring them up for you". So yeah, some people are weird as 😆

StripySocksAndDocs · 20/08/2018 22:32

They are possibly the same people who were incredibly judgmental of parents, before they had children themselves. You know the sort that titter at how they thought their children would never do x or they'd never do y when they were a parent.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2018 22:35

tangledyarn you are most certainly not alone in feeling like that.

TheFaerieQueene · 20/08/2018 22:37

It’s just that some people are dicks. Having or not having children really has nothing to do with it.

Original poster

Kartrashian · 20/08/2018 22:40

^ yes this, 100% this.

It’s not the jealousy of free time, it’s the less of a person because you don’t have a purpose or any real responsibilities .., like yes I’m just pretending I’m an adult.

OP posts:

ILoveDolly · 20/08/2018 22:41

Well then they are twats. Some of my best friends are child free and although I struggle sometimes to not drone on about my children, because I have three and motherhood has swallowed me whole, I appreciate the opportunity to spend time with women who have a different perspective. Besides they are fun on weekends away especially the divorcee, and will talk about politics etc which most of my school gate mum friends avoid.

EffYouSeeKaye · 20/08/2018 23:02

Some people like to look down on other people, for any number of reasons I suppose.

I have close friends who are child-free and close friends who are childless. I think on one level we don’t fully get each other, for different reasons.

Giving this some thought, for me at least, this is because I did not in any way appreciate the complete change that being a Mum would bring about. I was so naive about the inherent responsibility, for one thing.

I don’t look down on my former self, but it is such a massive disconnect that I can’t relate very well to it now.

A gap that wide is hard to bridge without being a bit clumsy about it sometimes.

So, yes, it could be true, because some people aren’t very nice. But equally, it could be unintentional.

SD1978 · 20/08/2018 23:20

Yes and patronisingly. It must be so nice you get to....... many women also seem to feel that they no longer have a frame of reference with anyone who doesn't have children as they have become so dramatically different.

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