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Original poster

To think some women with children look down on childless women?

143 replies

Kartrashian · 20/08/2018 22:12

Just curious really ...

I’m childless and I know at least two women that I see in a social situations (friend of a friend/family member) that genuinely look through me like I’m invisible.

They always make the effort to talk to the other mums.

I do want to stress that I said SOME women .., but has anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:

HobNobcentral · 21/08/2018 14:46

Sorry for typos numb fingers

SemperIdem · 21/08/2018 17:30

I neither look down on or envy women who don’t have children. I don’t give it very much thought really, it’s their business.

I know a couple of women who don’t have children, who are really quite rude and belittling when talking about/to women who do have children. That gets my back up a bit, because it is unnecessary. One of them is my boss so I find it unprofessional.

EffYouSeeKaye · 21/08/2018 19:16

She asked how many children I have and I said none. She was shocked to the core, her response was "No children at all? Really? You need to get cracking, the biological clock is ticking"

I wonder what the difference is between having no children and having no children at all 🤔
It would be so tempting to root around in your handbag at that point in the conversation, just to check. 😂

Hazardswan · 21/08/2018 19:18

Maybe "no children at all" is a different way of asking do you have any furbabies

NoSleepTil2030 · 21/08/2018 19:22

Like some others here, I've found the opposite. Some people think I can't possibly do or think anything interesting now and I am invisible to them.

HelenaDove · 21/08/2018 21:16

"Friend posted on Facebook "I now realise there is no life before children. How selfish and unknowing I was before these miracles came along!!!" He's unfollowed. Twat"

My first thought on reading this was i wonder how much childcare he does AND how much of the mental load he carries.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 21/08/2018 22:20

There is no way I look down on anyone who doesn't have a child... my friends who don't have children yet make me feel bad about how dull my life is!

However sometimes it's easier to talk to new people when they have children. We have at least one of thing in common and when I'm on maternity leave especially, I feel like I don't have anything that interesting to talk about.

KateMcD451 · 22/08/2018 17:28

I bumped into a family friend on the weekend that I hadn't seen for a year or so and she said to me "Any children yet? ... Oh, isn't it about time?" All she said, not how am I, how's work, etc. like that could be my only achievement since I saw her last. It makes me so mad that people are like this without any thought to what people could be going through or ya know, some people have different things they want out of life doesn't make either better than the other. I wouldn't say to her daughter (who has 2 DCs) oh has your daughter been travelling yet, no? Is t it about time? Free.

KateMcD451 · 22/08/2018 17:29

Grrrr not free* why can't we edit our posts? Or at least delete and retype (my typos are embarrassing)

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 22/08/2018 17:45

Just have to say KateMc that I travelled with my children in my twenties. You're not locked in your home because you breed.

Sorry that's probably another thread but I can't stand the judgement from either side.

LadyRochfordsHoickedGusset · 22/08/2018 17:47

Your family friend was definitely out of order though, thoughtless & tactless and very bloody nosey.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 22/08/2018 18:00

I can see it from both sides. I've lost friends as a result of having children, leaving work and becoming a SAHM. I have friends without children and friends with.
I have things in common equally with both, however I find it easier to meet up and socialise with people with children as the things we do focus around our children and I never really " do me" anymore. So I might hardly see my friends without children as family life and children take over and I find it hard to fit people in and do the things I used to do pre-children.

maskingtape · 22/08/2018 18:21

chocolatecoffeeadict - which is exactly why people like me (Who can't have kids) is left completely isolated and alone.

KateGrey · 22/08/2018 18:27

No, I mostly look on in envy. I think it’s very much a personal choice. No judgement at all.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 22/08/2018 18:52

Maskingtape I feel for you because I can't imagine the pain of wanting a family and not being able to have one, but there are also many women with kids and babies who are isolated. It's not all meeting up for coffee and play dates like most people think. A lot of it is feeling lonely and isolated, stuck in the house with a lack of contacts. I've found it quite hard to make friends since becoming a mum. I have four kids now, three very young and they have to come before any of my friends.

PurpleDaisies · 22/08/2018 18:53

It's not all meeting up for coffee and play dates like most people think.

How patronising.

KateMcD451 · 22/08/2018 18:56

@ladyrochford I think you misunderstand me I was portraying the judgement on both sides I don't feel that way myself (that people with children can't travel) I was trying to show the opposite equivalent judgement iyswim.

BigBlueBubble · 22/08/2018 18:57

I don’t look down on them - I do envy them and feel jealous of their freedom and nice stomachs.

PurpleDaisies · 22/08/2018 19:02

I don’t look down on them - I do envy them and feel jealous of their freedom and nice stomachs.

I have a mortgage, work commitments, caring responsibilities and a wobbly stomach.

I hate these stereotypes.

NutElla5x · 22/08/2018 19:05

I don't understand why anyone would look down on somebody who didn't have children-whether through choice or because they can't.Are you sure it's not all in your head?

PurpleDaisies · 22/08/2018 19:07

Are you sure it's not all in your head?

More of this crap.

Read some of the threads on here. It is clearly written by some posters that women without children don’t have any proper responsibility, stake in society or experience of real love.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 22/08/2018 19:09

PurpleDaisies it's not patronising. It's how things are portrayed on parenting apps, magazines and online. I myself thought I was weird for feeling lonely as a mum because of what I used to read about what I apparently should be doing.

PurpleDaisies · 22/08/2018 19:11

It is patronising. People without children aren’t idiots. They have friends with kids. They listen to how life is.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 22/08/2018 19:20

PurpleDaisies, you have no idea how it is for some women. Some women struggle in the early days of motherhood. For some there is no support network of mum friends that you are made to think the rest of the world has. That doesn't make you an idiot, but nor does having friends with kids make you clued up on the subject.

SemperIdem · 22/08/2018 19:26

Purple

I don’t have any friends with children except ones I know from the internet. None are local. Which can make me feel quite lonely sometimes. I have lost friends since my marriage ended and I had to go back to working (largely unsociable hours) full time. I truly no longer “fit” with how some people I knew saw their social circle, so they ditched me.

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