"I'll be there after breakfast" What does that mean to you?

[Randomnamechange1000]

Just checking I'm not crazy. I thought that meant before 10? AIBU?

Get over it

Sounds like there's more to it all tbh

She came to visit at 12 no big deal

And I'm sorry but it's rude not to text.

But she did text, just after 11.30am.

If you were all visiting someone and you said "after breakfast" and you turned up at 12, that would be perfectly good manners then?
Personally, no, I'd be aware that after breakfast wasn't very specific. I would have said "After breakfast, so about 11 for 11.30". That may not be your idea of breakfast time, but at least you'd know that I meant my breakfast, not yours!
I'd be a bit annoyed too, OP.

She likely turns up on time in other situations because she’s been given a specific time or agreed to one with that person.

You didn’t specify a time so you can hardly be cross with her for not keeping to it.

Also you’re being a bit ridiculous - your child will not have suffered for having to wait and look out of the window in anticipation for a few hours longer than expected. This is your issue not his and YABVU to try to claim otherwise.

If you’re going to be pissed off when people don’t keep to your arbitrary rules, expectations and defiinitions of vague terms then that’s wholly your fault for not specifying what you actually thought.

Next time, be clear. And don’t make assumptions either.

After breakfast is an utterly meaningless indication of time unless you're staying at a b&b with fixed breakfast timings together

I remember how difficult it was for small kids to wait for visitors. The new "friend" from playgroup who asked if she could bring her two to ours to play as she didn't know anyone, and called at the exact time she herself had suggested to say her kids were a bit tired so she'd put them down for a nap and would come over when they woke up made me so cross. We'd stayed in, like you, to wait and like yours mine had been looking out of the window for ages asking "how long now?"

Doubly inconsiderate of your sister if she is able to understand the issue when it's other families with small children, but couldn't give a shot about upsetting your children or making your life hard.

Next time meet at the park and don't tell your kids she's coming, if she's really late don't wait and the kids won't be upset, if she turns up it's a nice surprise for the kids

And I didn't specify a time, just kept saying "soon.... Soon....." cos that's what I thought!

And honestly since she makes a big song and dance about getting up at 6am even though she doesn't work, I had no way of knowing she had breakfast as late as 10. She normally has it much earlier.

If you were all visiting someone and you said "after breakfast" and you turned up at 12, that would be perfectly good manners then?

It's what I'd expect from my siblings.

I would just ask what they meant as it can be so varied

So I'm gathering she hasn't stayed long?

You didn't prepare her lunch then

If your ds was that impatient, why didn't you just text your sister and ask for an expected arrival time?

If you have an agreement as loose as "after breakfast" on a Sunday, most people will assume that you're not that bothered about what time you turn up. If you are bothered, then fix the time.

Same with the picnic lunch example. If people want you to come at a specific time, then they need to let you know. 1pm is a perfectly reasonable time to arrive if the only agreement is "lunchtime".

Is there any back story here OP? You seem quite tense about this and this. Honestly, I wouldn't expect anyone to set an alarm for a casual visit to see me or the kids. I know too well how much of my working week is dictated by schedules, routines and dashing from here to there and expect most people have the same going on.

So honestly, by the time we've woken, had breakfast, faffed about a bit with either morning tv, pots, load of washing and showered, I doubt we'd leave the house before 11 - 1130 on a Sunday (unless we have a day out or somewhere to specifically go that we've agreed a time for).

No she's out in the garden with them. She wanted to have 1 on 1 time with them, so work away! I'm inside doing laundry.

She's making a massive effort.

I better start thinking about lunch, shit. I guess she'll need more than fish fingers??!!

Will she want to come again OP?
Now you know for any other relatives or friends (if any do visit you) that it's wise to agree a time and for both sides to keep in touch by text.
Lesson learned and I'm sure your DS had fun and that the visit wasn't spoiled.

I guess she'll need more than fish fingers??!!

Crikey, no. Fish finger sandwich is perfect.

Yes give her lunch. Fish finger sandwich us fine. Sounds like shes being fab woth the kids - dont fall out over different expectations really. Family are so important. Just rememeber for next time.

We went on holiday once with a friend while my kids were small and up at 6. We wanted to be out adventuring at 9 while they wanted to get up and eat breakfast around 11. We realised it was just different expectations at different stages of life!!

I would take after breakfast to mean between half 10 and 12. But I don't have kids

She can't read your mind and you can't read hers so next time specify a time. Even a rough one. Breakfast is a meal not a time.

After breakfast is too variable a time to have any meaning.
12 is lunchtime though I would have thought?

Staying inside writing paragraphs complaining about her on your phone while she plays with the kids in the garden is no more polite hosting than coming at 12 is rude visiting, imo. People with kids just don't get it.

I’m just having my first ☕️, so anyone planning to arrive “after breakfast” today would possibly be a tad confused.

You seem hard work. She is childless - I’d expect her about 11 tbh and she did text didn’t she to say it’d be 12?

There’s no way I’d tell a small child someone would be there after breakfast unless they were definitely on their way and arriving at 7/8am!

Why did you tell him? because it sounds like there’s a backstory to this and you were just waiting for her to let you down tbh.

She's just apologised and said next time she'd give an actual specific time.

I'm amazed, she's never one for admitting she made any error at all. So that's the end of it as far as I'm concerned.

She's having coffee now but doesn't want lunch, she's still full from breakfast!!!!!!!

Youngish (under 50) people with no kids I’d take that to mean 11am ish. Older people I’d take it to mean 10am. People with kids, anytime after 9am.

I’d stab anyone turning up at my home at 9am.

We don’t breakfast when the day is in single figures.

And you’re now preening because you’ve had an apology that wasn’t necessary.

Bet you’re happy now OP eh?

Gosh your poor sister. I hooe you apologised too!!