Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

960 replies

daytimemom · 11/08/2018 16:30

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

OP posts:
PollyFlinderz · 13/08/2018 15:02

Graphista Mon 13-Aug-18 10:21:43
Polly I'm beginning to think we (and a few others) are actually related.

I love Billy Connelly and never tire of him. Thank you Smile

PollyFlinderz · 13/08/2018 15:23

I knew you would all be Weedgies.

Not a weedgie but have the best memories ever of going to Butlins in Ayr for our holidays. I can see it in my mind right now. Can also smell the doughnuts and the knickerbockerglories.

Right tell me who likes a piece ‘n’ dip and how many of you have had so many when making your mince or stew there would be no gravy left by the time it was ready?

And the mention of New Year - who else used to love the cordial you could get only around Christmas and New Year time. It was thick and fruity and kids would get it served up to them in tiny glasses that I suppose would be called shot glasses today. We thought we were the bees knees and after 2 of them we’d all pretend we were drunk.

And and and can anyone else remember the cocktail boxes of fags people would get for Christmas but they’d be saved till new year and it was the children’s job to go round with the fags and offer them to people. In return you’d get a half crown and be told yer an affair bonny wee lassie. It wouldn’t happen nowadays.

So Hogmanay food -

Sausage, cheese, pickled onion, pineapple on a cocktail stick and stuck into half an orange or something.

Crisps and nuts served up in a party Susan that one aunty would have and she just did the rounds with it from house to house whenever it was needed.

A big pot of Kale
Mince on a roll.
Stovies
Sandwiches - loads of.

Oh and on New Year’s Day it was always steak peh.

In fact a kitchen was more like a tardis in those days. It just seemed someone stuck their arm through the door and when it appeared again it was loaded with a plate of something.

And I’m sure everyone had/has a granny or an aunty who always had a pinnyon and a ladle or serving spoon in her hand. They just usually stood to the side watching what was going on and instinctively knew when to bring something else out.

I try to be like this with my kitchen and if I’m half as good at it as my female relatives were I’ll be pleased.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 13/08/2018 16:42

Thanks for the fly cemetery explanation, Graphista! I miht get my boys to make it Grin

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 16:42

Right tell me who likes a piece ‘n’ dip and how many of you have had so many when making your mince or stew there would be no gravy left by the time it was ready?

Yessssss! Plain bread though!

Willow2017 · 13/08/2018 16:47

Another Scot here definately of the ethos that visotors get fed lots and regularly.😀
And going round the village at Hogmanay was a great night. Doesnt happen now.

Love a fly cemetry (we sell them at work and have to be strong willed😉)

Ricky Fulton was such a funny man. "Who dae ye think you are, Stirling moss?"
'Druids mantra' which eventually turned out to be "Jesus its bloody cauld."

Funnily enough there used to be another poster who jumped in every thread about awful mils (and most of them were truly awful) and defended them to the hilt no matter how much of a controlling, devious bitch they were. Havent seen them in a long time...maybe Duck is carrying the baton for them?

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 16:48

Reverend IM Jolly is my favourite Rikki Fulton character! My dad is a minister and the one where the Rev had a dental anaesthetic and the ensuing hilarity is a family favourite Grin

This thread is wonderful!

Willow2017 · 13/08/2018 16:56

My fav is when he thinks he is drinking water but its vodka. Hilarious.
"Alcoponics unanimous'
"My this is awfully good water"

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 16:56

Hahaha aye that one too!

Willow2017 · 13/08/2018 16:59

Says a lot for him when i can remember his jokes from 30 years ago but cant remember why i went into the bloody kitchen😁😁

YeTalkShiteHen · 13/08/2018 17:13

Haha aye me too!

It sounds silly but all this talk has brought up such lovely memories. Life was simpler then wasn’t it?

NameChange30 · 13/08/2018 17:40

Sorry to be a killjoy but given the OP’s recent experience, it might be a bit painful for her to read about all these lovely happy memories of sharing lots of delicious food with loving families!

Anyway. I agree with the PPs who have pointed out that the history and back story are relevant. It’s clearly not just about the food.

I do find it a bit frustrating when OPs insist on a narrow focus on a single issue when there is clearly a bigger picture that would be helpful and relevant to anyone interested in offering advice and support.

Wowthisisreal · 13/08/2018 18:07

Am I the only one who thinks it is crazy to expect your hosts to provide you with toothpaste?! DH and I would NEVER visit someone without taking our own (and our own toiletries!) barring if it was an unplanned visit or we forgot!

hilzilla · 13/08/2018 18:13

Garibaldi biscuits also known as fly cemeteries- sorry if I'm repeating what's already been said

IsabelleSE19 · 13/08/2018 18:39

LyingWitch This brought a tear to my eye! "Don't fret, duck, it'll be sunshine again soon".

I also want the poster who mentioned a 'cut and come again cake' to come again and say what it is - I'm intrigued!

PrimalLass · 13/08/2018 18:54

Am I the only one who thinks it is crazy to expect your hosts to provide you with toothpaste?!

Do you really think of your parents as hosts? That's crazy to me.

ImNotAsGreenasImCabbageLooking · 13/08/2018 19:04

Am I the only one who thinks it is crazy to expect your hosts to provide you with toothpaste?! DH and I would NEVER visit someone without taking our own (and our own toiletries!) barring if it was an unplanned visit or we forgot!

I honestly couldn't get that worked up about it tbh but then our visitors are usually our siblings, their partners and dc so it's all very laidback anyway. They might also need to borrow a couple of pairs of kids socks or knickers while they're here Grin!

Given we have toothpaste, shampoo and such in the house it really doesn't seem a big deal for them to use it rather than having to pack their own. People often fly with hand luggage only so are limited as to how much liquids they can bring but even if they're driving/coming by train I figure they probably have enough to remember (especially as we each have a sibling with four under ten...)

At this stage it just goes without saying that they can assume there'll be toiletries they can use though I'm sure at some point in the past one or other of us checked in advance. I find it odd that some posters balk at the very notion Hmm.

crunchymint · 13/08/2018 19:13

I would be fine for people to use the toiletries in my bathroom. But I wouldn't be providing anything over and above what is already there.

hiddeneverything · 13/08/2018 19:22

@PollyFlinderz you mean ginger wine/black currant wine?!

Hepzibar · 13/08/2018 19:35

I didn’t hear what DH said to his parents about why we were leaving early, i deliberately left the room and started packing up the car.

You didn't ask him what had been said? Really. That's just odd.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/08/2018 19:42

Isabelle, mine too when I typed it, brought it all back. My granny was from Kent so I don't know where she got 'duck' from but to this day I love being in the North and being called that.

posieperkinandpootle · 13/08/2018 20:02

I hope OP is reassured by all these lovely posts of family hospitality that she sure as hell wasnt BU.
Graphista thank you for stirring some lovely memories for me. When I was small we lived in Argyle and would travel back to Fife every couple of weeks to stay with my GPs while DPs did up a house. My Grandad's standard line when we arrived was "put mair water in the mince mither, those hungry buggers are here again". Of course watery mince would be the last thing Granny would serve, her spreads were stuff of legend. Once she had cooked sirloin steaks and when Grandad saw it he said "oh I don't know if I can manage that" quick as a flash she had stabbed it with a fork and transferred it to my dad's plate.
When my own DM died one of the loveliest things anyone said was my cousin's wife who said no matter when you dropped in, she'd disappear for 5minutes and come back with a plate laden with dropscones. DM also made amazing fly cemeteries. I've got her notebook with all her handwritten recipes and cutouts from the Sunday Post & Family Circle.

Wdigin2this · 13/08/2018 20:09

Haven't read the whole thread, but I'm assuming you've gone home by now. If you go again, (and I'd say don't) take crisps, biscuits etc with you!

weebarra · 13/08/2018 20:11

I love the turn this thread has taken. We are Scots, as are DM/DF and PILS. Mum can make a chicken feed the five thousand but her lentil soup is the stuff of dreams. MIL doesn't feel satisfied until everyone is burst.
It was Allan's the bakers growing up - strawberry tarts, fly cemeteries and an iced bun!

PrimalLass · 13/08/2018 20:38

I've got her notebook with all her handwritten recipes and cutouts from the Sunday Post & Family Circle.

You don't happen to have one for melting moments? We are also from Fife and my gran's recipe is long gone. Sad

MilkybarGrownup · 13/08/2018 20:38

I'm English but living in Scotland with a Scottish DH and three mini Scots. And I'm a feeder. I fit in perfectly here. I bake constantly, feeding neighbour's, friends, visiting kids and I'm practically gleeful when it comes to bake sales at the school because I can go overboard.
My future DSILs and DDILs (I presume) will never know what it's like to leave my home hungry. And if they did, I would expect my DS and DDs to bloody well pull me up on it!