Staying at in-laws with dc and there is no food

[daytimemom]

Arrived at in-laws with DH (their son) and our two dc’s. For context, they are very well off. Live in huge house in the country, spend six months a year on cruises, have new car etc.

This is the first time we have visited them in their new house. Normally they stay at our house where we cook meals for them, provide wine and snacks and generally be very hospitable. They certainly enjoy all our food and drink.

This is what they served DH and I for dinner; two small roast potato’s, one small parsnip, teaspoon of peas and carrots, three slices of chicken. Our dc who are 11 and 12 had the same but with one roast potato rather than two. Dessert was one scoop of ice cream. DH asked if he could have another scoop but was told no as the carton (think Ben & Jerry’s small sized carton) had to last them a week.

By evening the dc were ravenous. I asked mil if dc could have a slice of toast or cereal. Was told they only had muesli and one small loaf of brown seeded bread. DC do not like either. I asked if there was any fruit was told no. DH asked if there was a bag of crisps, again no.

I’m not proud of this but DH and I went through the fridge and cupboards trying to find something to eat but the cupboards were literally bare.

DH went out this morning to buy some bread, cheese etc (which fil helped himself too) and I suggested to mil we go out to dinner but she insisted she is cooking. Dreading another tiny meal & the dc’s being hungry.

DH said they are just being tight by not spending money on food and drink. I quite frankly want to go home. Simple things like they knew we were coming but the bathroom had no towels or soap, no mirror or lamp in guest bedroom. Could they not have bought some cornflakes & snacks knowing most kids don’t eat muesli!

They have always been mean with money, poor DH as a uni student was penniless living off toast and pawning his stuff while his parents refused and financial assistance.

There is no way I share toothpaste with anyone. It’s impossible to prevent contamination. Yuck.

MrsAiden, it sounds as if you have an hard road to walk and Im sorry your in-laws are the cause of so much upset for you.

I would never expect relatives to bring towels or toiletries unless they wanted to use thier own specific shampoo etc. (Tooth brushes and toothpaste are understandable)

Gwen op said there wasnt a mirror in bathroom only in living room which really isnt much use for putting on make up.

Ops pil sound completely self absorbed. I wouldn't be wasting time on them again either at mine or thier house.

I think it's weird not to provide towels and toiletries. Why would you expect your guests to bring their own towels? I mean they might have their own toiletries cos they like specific stuff, but I would have some on offer anyway.
But then the OPs inlaws sound like a pair of msierable unwelcoming twats anyway, so I supose it's par for the course with them.

My family fly over - so difficult and heavy to bring shampoo etc in a holdall.

I have loads of shampoo toothpaste and spare brushes

They use one of the children's rooms - I make sure they have towels lamps books magazines sometimes chocolates etc

There's baskets in both bathrooms full of creams medicines etc to help themselves.

No idea on the toothpaste sharing thing - why do people have to make a thing if everything? It's toothpast!

My inlaws have improved slightly over time making sure there is ‘some’ food in for the children (e.g cornflakes). When my husband took me there to visit before we had kids we find reasons to pop out and have sandwiches or sausage rolls. I also took cereal bars and suck up to the bedroom to eat them when things got bad. They are not tight just very strange with food (food they have is all the best quality and always lots of good wine and spirit, etc). FIL serves all MIL food, she is tiny and does not eat enough to fill a saucer at breakfast or dinner (does not eat lunch). FIL has slightly larger portions but not by much but will tuck in to cheeses and pies with his whisky in the evening. When they are with us they always eat 3 times as much and they always comment about mine and my husbands HUGE appetites. Still remember FIL doing a lovely beef joint 1 sunday. Men got 2 slices of meat, women got 1, children got sausages (they were fine with that). When I asked for more meat was told no, it’s for the dog!! Now we have children, I’m much more upfront. When I arrive I check the food situation and meal plans and I’ll go do a shop to make sure there is things for lunches, enough veggies/salad to supplement dinners and plenty of bread and cereal. It may be rude (they always comment on how much we eat) but I’d rather that than have hungry children, plus it gets me out of the house if for a while too!!

I haven't attacked anyone. You seem very preoccupied with me I have to say. I was flummoxed to why the OP had asked for something to spread on her toast when she had stated she'd already looked through the cupboards and found nothing there.

Like I said earlier you are wrong to comment that I never give advice or support. AS and take a look or report me to MNHQ if you think I'm out of order.

I am sorry you've got a difficult relationship with PILs though, I do think you are taking things personally though and even projecting here.

Your comments to me are unfair and really not on.

Gosh, I have to be honest, I really kill the fatted calf when family come, especially when my 4 year old grandson is here. I make sure there is plenty of everything for them all to enjoy. Maybe they don’t eat very much which of course is fine but surely they are aware that other people especially children have big appetites.

greatduck as you are obsessed with why I asked mil if she had any spread/jam when DH & I had previously searched the cupboards and found them bare, here’s the answer;

I thought she might have a hidden stash somewhere (maybe in the same place as the hidden hot cross buns) and would be embarrassed enough to actually produce a jam or spread of some description.

I like others, have found your posts unkind. I may have written bran flakes rather than muesli which is what I originally posted but that’s because in my mind they are the same; unappetising cereal for adults not children!

I suspect you are like my mil and fil hence why you are constantly attacking my posts.

I have found your posts a bit frustrating OP as you didn't really seem to answer direct questions. I wasn't alone in wondering why you'd asked for something for your toast.

And I have not attacked you.

Why would you not provide your own relatives with towels?

If you are trying to pack up stuff for 4 with dc it's even more stuff to bring.

I would bring my own toiletries but if I had forgotten something I would ask mil or dm.

The ils attitude is mean spirited and I don't blame you OP.

Also were you trying to hint to your MIL when asking for things I.e. is it normal to have family to stay and have no food. I think it is not.

Tbh the most upsetting thing about it all is the complete disinterest mil and fil showed towards their grandchildren. Fil spent the whole time locked away in his study on his pc and mil sat in the lounge watched my tv. I suggested a few times about us all going out for walk, going to the local pub etc but they just weren’t interested

Was the disinterest a new thing?

What happens when they visit you, do they put off time with the children

Was this the first time you’d stayed with them and if not why was it all such a shock to you?

Op, a few people have asked questions similar to the ones above that I asked on a previous page and that Im now reposting out of genuine interest.

Graphista (loving your posts!), what's fly cemetery?

Aww thank you!

Sorry - the scots will definitely know but should have explained for everyone else.

It's fruit slice to give it (one of) the proper name, a tray bake pastry. Bottom layer shortcrust pastry, centre layer moistened raisins, top layer flaky pastry glazed with water icing. The raisins being supposedly buried flies - hence fly cemetery. Actually one of my favourite cakes.

Have to say I would find it odd if there were no mirror and bedside lamp in a guest/spare room.

Could be much worse though! My siblings and I were often put in our aunts and uncles old bedrooms which hadn't been changed since they left so had psychedelic bedding and wallpaper, glam rock posters and disco lights! Try sleeping with flashing lights and Alice cooper or noddy holder staring at you! (Not to mention candlewick bedspreads barely covering itchy blankets!)

Yes there have been lots of questions about whether the disinterest is new, whether we’ve visited before etc but I haven’t really gone into detail as this thread was about lack of food. I could start a whole other thread about our relationship with them. Maybe I should

GreatDuck - I too have come across you frequently on this type of thread where you do generally assume the op to be in the wrong.

Iirc you tend to often posit that mn is "anti mil" which isn't true.

Op doesn't owe you (or anyone else) answers to questions - direct or indirect, and personally I think you were looking for "potholes" in her posts. I know many who would conflate bran flakes/muesli/fruit n fibre.

I think you've very cleverly JUST avoided attacking op in order to sidestep talk guidelines, but then iirc you've had posts deleted for doing such on similar threads. You can be quite judgy and aggressive in tone.

You talk of others "projecting" etc when you are guilty of that too - actually what it usually is, is that posters come at a thread from their own Perspective with their own experiences informing how they read it and respond. That's normal.

Perhaps you need to think about your perspective on this type of thread.

GreatDuck you are overly invested in this thread! Move on

So it does sound like this food situation is part of a larger picture of PIL "issues". Not surprising really. That behaviour in isolation would be very odd, but in a context of wider "issues" unsurprising.

It would have been helpful to explain how long they've been like this with the DC, how they've been with food previously and what your relationship with them is like generally.

It appeared that you only wanted to focus on how little food they had offered which was strange to me as there's obviously a bigger picture here.

Just because someone doesn't agree with the majority of other people that are posting a lot, doesn't mean they're overinvested or being goady or inflammatory or whatever.

Yes I use hosts shampoo when visiting!!

Yes there have been lots of questions about whether the disinterest is new, whether we’ve visited before etc but I haven’t really gone into detail as this thread was about lack of food. I could start a whole other thread about our relationship with them. Maybe I should smile

Thanks Op, Im posting from the perspective of a granny to 6 and Im genuinely curious as to how its all been before this last visit.

Well, it is kind of relevant op

I'm also amazed that you got in your car (did you say goodbye to PILS? ) and didnt say to your dh.... what did you tell them? What did they say?.... just odd.

Not to mention candlewick bedspreads barely covering itchy blankets!

And coats flung over the top of you as well at new year instead of blankets just so the family could have a get together. You never knew which of your cousins would be beside you when you wake up but if there was space for a child to lie down thats where you slept and if the spare blankets were all finished you were covered up with a coat - preferably someones imitation fur one.

Oh they were making your visit so shit you wouldn’t go back.

Don’t invite them over again.

Who doesn’t supply toothpaste when some one stays? You even get that hotels ...

Oh they were making your visit so shit you wouldn’t go back

But would they not have done that the first time the op visited with the family? Or was this the first time?