If your house was filthy? And I mean BAD.

[utterfilth]

Name changed for this. I'm so ashamed.

Over the last few years I have had problems with depression and anxiety which have had a terrible impact on my motivation and housekeeping skills. I don't clean or tidy and my house smells.

The wooden floors are dirty, there are cobwebs. Unpacked boxes from a move two years ago. Clutter everywhere. I manage to keep the kitchen clean for the health of my teenage kids.

I am overwhelmed and feel ill at how much I have to do. I can't cope. I can't have anyone visit.

I would never ask a friend to help me - it's that bad. They would be shocked and disgusted at how bad it is.

I know the answer is to start slowly and if I was able to get my head together I would roll my sleeves up. But I just want to get in bed and sleep.

I don't know what I'm asking here for - maybe just a magic motivational kick up the arse?

I also recommend the unfuck your habitat Facebook group. It’s really supportive.

Lilqueenie I'll try that thanks I've scrubbed it with a toothbrush soaked in bleach but it doesn't remove it and it all just comes back so I think I'd more or less given up.

Sorry OP for hijacking your thread, really just wanted to say I understand. In this heat I can't do anything anyway which doesn't help. I actually cleaned my hob last night at midnight as ds had fried bacon and it was splattered with grease!

Reading all the tips here and am following unfuck your habitat on fb.

What a lovely, supportive thread. I'm a messy person and I'm getting some inspiration, but am very pregnant and it feels too hot to clean, but I have just hoovered my stairs
Good advice I saw on here a while ago which has helped me, is to only touch things once, so once it's in your hand make sure it's going where it finally needs to be.

Cotton buds soaked in bleach solution is what I use round the bath sealant it is a bit of a faff but works

Also, to stop yourself getting overwhelmed make a list of three things to do each day. You can do more than three things, but just focus on getting those three things done as a minimum.

Every day wash dishes, empty bin and put a
Washing on. Split your room into zones and sort one a day. So you could do the mantle piece one day, kitchen drawer the next, bedroom window the next etc

Hello all you wonderful people!

Today I feel a bit overwhelmed, but not with the mess, for once. I feel overwhelmed that so many of you feel the same way or have taken the time to write your advice here to help me.

I honestly thought when I first posted I would get a real talking to - just get on with it sort of stuff. I didn't count on such amazing kindness.

I have some work to do today (on a report that has to be ready for tomorrow morning) so when that is done I plan to start on my bedroom. If I can wake up every morning with some hope that I can do this, I'm more likely to keep going.

My dream for the future is to have some friends here for a drink and not to have to even worry about what they might think. I am a long way from that but you have definitely helped me make the first step. I love you Mumsnetters!

Just take care. One of the themes of unfuck your habitat is not to go on a massive cleaning binge and burn yourself out. Do a little and often. I really do recommend the book to help you long term.

Good luck!!

Thanks to the lovely posters on this thread, I have cleaned my kitchen for the first time in months.
I aimed to do the sink, for starters, as suggested by BertieBotts/UfYH. Of course, it wasn't quite that straightforward, as it has been pretty much inaccessible for weeks. It has taken 4 hours of 30/10, and is still shabby, small and impractical. But the fruit flies have buggered off, and the first lot of washing up is soaking in the otherwise clean sink.

Hope you're feeling inspired, Op.

Not rtft yet but looked up StaplesCorner's links yesterday. It appears that I have a MH disorder when I thought I was just lazy!

OP, if you have things still in boxes from when you moved, chuck everything you had forgotten about away.
Even tidying a tiny space like a bedside table will make you feel much better.

I've just read the whole thread and just wanted to say what a lovely bunch you all are, such a lot of very helpful suggestions!

Well from reading this ive got 3 bin bags, one charity shop 2 car boot. Two bags of rubbish. And cleaned bathroom and did dishwasher and a wash load.
Being stuck in as a single parent is shit though. Glad theyre all at achool tomorrow. My main problem is lazy kids and ive got sick of being a skivvy and having to wipe up piss from behind the toilet.
Will declutter kitchen later.
Its hard getting rid of stuff which ive paid for. I wont buy the kids so much ever again as half of it is unopened.

Have you read the Flylady book? Or read the FlyLady threads on here?

Seriously, it's amazing. A book written in a wonderful, non-judgey way by someone who understands.

You're not lazy - you're a perfectionist and your fear of failure/not doing it perfectly is what's causing you to do nothing. You can't imagine doing just 30 minutes a day - you're an "all or nothing" type person, so you imagine doing the whole job in one go, to a PERFECT standard, and so naturally you get overwhelmed!

The book is so easy to follow and so kind and massively helpful. It changed my life.

There's a website and an app too.

www.flylady.net/d/getting-started/

@WhatsGoingOnEh I seriously doubt I am a perfectionist not living like this! I have had a quick look at Fly lady and i can see how she will definitely help. UYH is a bit more me though - ie sweary haha. Thanks again

@nanoocov I just read that whole thread - thank you for showing me that. wonderful

When you have a smelly house a bottle of bleach works wonders. Chuck some down the toilets and round the sinks and generally all over the place

Hi utter :)

I totally totally sympathise. Once you get to a certain point it becomes so overwhelming that even starting feels impossible.

I am turning things around now though, trying to step it up at the moment as we are moving house, but I have been gradually decluttering for a while now (I have to be slow about it unfortunately because of physical health stuff). It didn’t get to this state in a month and it won’t be clear in a month. That’s ok!

I’ve just joined UFYH and also find some flylady tips useful.

Definitely get your teens involved. It doesn’t mean laying down the law with them - for me it’s very important to recognise that my own kids find it hard to be tidy because I have never taught them (like 70 above my mum in particular was really hypocritical about it) so I approach it more from a “we are going to learn together” type angle. I’m sure they would love to have friends round and not be embarrassed so hopefully they will agree to tackle it as a family. 💐

Do join us on the Fledgling thread, and there’s a hoarders anonymous thread which is great too if clutter is an issue.

thanks everyone
@cagliostro i will have a look at the Fledgling thread - ta for pointing it out

How are you getting on, OP?

Hi @malovit I've made a small start by clearing the area beside my bed so when I retreat I'm looking at a bit of space! Feeling optimistic for the first time in ages

@utter thanks for this thread as it’s raised something that you now know is something lots of us struggle with. The advice on here has been great and it’s great to see you have started with the space in your bedroom. You said up thread you would dream of having friends around for drinks - you will at some point in the future because you have started to sort things out already so keep going bit by bit.
Rope your teenagers in , easier said than done I know but explain what you are trying to do at least, and let them help you.
Finally @malovit I shed a tear at the story of your friend and how you helped, what a difference you will have made to that family.

It can be overwhelming to try do it all in one go. It seems like such a monster task!

If you’re struggling mentally, I would focus on one room at a time and give yourself about 2-3 day’s to really gut that room. It’s such a nice feeling when you have a good result it might motivate you for the next room.
You could do your bedroom to start with ? Keep the bed clear obviously ( even put a dust sheet over it) but get rid of clutter and rubbish first, maybe a trip to the dump then clean/ dust. Get some nice things to finish off. Maybe a nice scented candle , new blinds, new soft bedside rug etc?
Maybe the following week do another room but give the first room a quick going over with the hoover / duster to keep it up to scratch.

Get the teens involved with cleaning up after themselves. You could give them the bathroom and kitchen to do and they can do their own rooms.

Just found this - great start today! I feel a lot like you and my way to cope is to get cleaners in and my husband is ruthless at de cluttering kids toys, I manage the clothes decluttering

I'd say just get help in if you need it, but sounds like you're making a good start - don't go backwards - forwards and upwards only from here either by you doing what's manageable or getting paid help in

You definitely need loads of boxes and bags though to bin/charity etc ..

Perhaps once you've cleared things get somebody in to do a few clean on the floors/walls and surfaces then you've got a good start. If yo can afford it
Too how about a handy man in to do some painting?

Good luck 😉 and here's a cleaning fairy for you 🧚‍♀️.