If your house was filthy? And I mean BAD.

[utterfilth]

Name changed for this. I'm so ashamed.

Over the last few years I have had problems with depression and anxiety which have had a terrible impact on my motivation and housekeeping skills. I don't clean or tidy and my house smells.

The wooden floors are dirty, there are cobwebs. Unpacked boxes from a move two years ago. Clutter everywhere. I manage to keep the kitchen clean for the health of my teenage kids.

I am overwhelmed and feel ill at how much I have to do. I can't cope. I can't have anyone visit.

I would never ask a friend to help me - it's that bad. They would be shocked and disgusted at how bad it is.

I know the answer is to start slowly and if I was able to get my head together I would roll my sleeves up. But I just want to get in bed and sleep.

I don't know what I'm asking here for - maybe just a magic motivational kick up the arse?

OP, do you have a car?

If you did want to get some paid help this may help you find someone who should understand and support. www.apdo.co.uk/find-an-organiser/
I have used this myself to find specialist help in a work capacity.

I've been there too with every room a disgrace and not washing dishes until there weren't any left, couldn't have any one round etc. I followed flylady for moral support and used a timer or it wouldn't have worked. It isn't perfect now but I have a cleaner each week so that we're forced to tidy and although i've tried without her, we just slip back so having to tidy for her coming keeps us on top of it all. Good luck Op, you can do this

Like @GreyCloudsToday , I was also going to suggest our decluttering one thing a day thread. It really works!

I've found it can also help to focus on clearing a certain area at a time. I cleared my living room first so that I always had a space to enjoy, to feel uplifted, relaxed and to host in. Whatever else is going on in the house, I try to keep this nice.

I'm wondering if it might be easy to clear the bathroom? Could you empty it all out and then get a cleaner in to steam clean it? It would probably only take an hour. Whilst they're cleaning it, you could be going through all the bottles and wotnot and only replace what feels good.

I think you could be surprised how much difference you can make quite quickly. Good luck with it all!

Please don't feel ashamed. Especially about getting a cleaning company in.

If it makes you feel better, maybe explaining to them on the phone that things have got on top of you and you need help to get things under control again. They won't judge you, it's their job.

I think there are a lot of us here who can relate in some way.
If it wasn't for my mother who is very house proud coming to give my house a blitz now and again I think I'd have fallen into a bad state many times.

It starts slowly doesn't it. Then the more that needs to be done the more we ignore it.

You're not alone, OP.

Thanks everyone, sorry I've not been responding individually. I don't know how to tag people to respond- can someone help me with that please?

If you @ nospace name of poster that will tag people or just bold names saves tagging you do no space to bold

I would do the unpacking and decluttering first.

Go through every item and sort it into a "category" - clothes, food, kitchen utensils, stuff for the bathroom, electrical, bedding and blankets, notebooks and writing material, dvds, just any category that works.

Then find a home for every category. Before you put them in their place, give it a dust and polish/wipe it down.

When all the clutter is done, then I would find it easier to clean. Start with the cobwebs (hoover them or get a long duster). Dust everything. Then sweep everything. Then mop the floors and clean the toilets and bath/fridges etc.

Thank you @MrsJayy (the first person I've ever tagged on MN!)

@HollowTalk yes I do have a tiny car!

thank you @tirednessiskillingme. I will take a look!

Could you do something like go to the tip every day? I was clearing out a lot of things from my house and every day I'd pack my car up and go to the tip. At our local tip they have a clothes bank and a book bank and somewhere you can leave electrical items etc so it was easy to pack up plastic bags of things and just chuck them. It's so liberating when you see an empty room!

If you pick a time to go to the tip eg first thing, you feel you've made a great start to the day.

I’ve just recommended this on another thread but Unfuck Your Habitat is BRILLIANT. It caters for people with depression or illnesses that make cleaning and keeping on top of things hard. It’s helped me keep my house reasonable despite a few MH issues. It’s free, just a website. There’s an app too.

OP, I have a friend like you.

Met her at NCT class and our children became friends.

But she always came to mine for playdates or met up in the park or on the beach. I didn't really think much of it to be honest.

Then one day, her youngest daughter who was playing at mine complained of feeling unwell; I tried to call but couldn’t get through so went straight to her home with the girl.

My friend had an absolutely panic-stricken look on her face when she opened her front door and saw me there. She had no choice but to let me in - and the state of her house took my breath away.

It was such a shock as she was always immaculately turned out herself at all times.

It was piled high with stuff - bin bags, cardboard, piles of clothes, overflowing recycling bags, rubbish, plates, cups, bowls with mould growing in them. You couldn’t see the floor. It was like a hoarding documentary from the telly. Her two childrens' rooms were all piled high too and the whole family were sleeping in the hallway on camp beds.
Like you though - the kitchen was clean and tidy.

So we had a long talk, she broke down and admitted how she suffered from depression and anxiety and felt constantly overwhelmed with all she had to do just to stay on top of it all.

I said I would help and I did. I popped round every day - sometimes just for five minutes to collect a bag to drop off at the charity shop and sometimes for hours at a time.
After one room was cleared, painted and the children’s beds could go back in and their toys were sorted she had a new lease of life and didn’t need much of my help. She could see the end result was achievable and got on with it herself. She couldn’t drive so I helped by doing recycling/charityshop/tip runs.
The house is now lovely.

I have another friend who runs a cleaning business and says she does work like this all the time so don’t be embarrassed to call them - they have seen it all before and won’t judge you. The pressures of modern day living gets too much for a lot of people and it doesn’t take long for things to slide.

If you need any help I’m quite happy to come and give you a hand - nothing could be as bad as my friend’s house and sometimes you just need a little bit of support to get you started xx

Don't be ashamed Op , it's so easy for things to get on top of you. I'm struggling with anxiety at the moment and the thing that lifts me is helping someone else- I completely cleared my neighbours jungle of a garden the other week . I can't do things for myself but I can for other people ( weird really) . I would love to come and help you (purely for selfish reasons )

@hollowtalk You are spot on there - starting every day with a trip to the dump is a brilliant idea. A reason to get up and out and something optimistic to kick start each day.

@malovitt Your friend and I have a lot in common. You are a lovely person for helping her like that - truly.

@oddcat You are very kind!

OK why don't you look up your tip opening time now? If you want to PM me your area I will do it for you.

And rather than tackling everything at once, why not focus on one room - the living room is always a good idea because it's used the most. Get a bin bag and put anything that's complete rubbish in there. You don't have to sort out whether you want to keep anything, just get rid of anything that's pure rubbish.

I think as far as old clothes are concerned you have to think "Would I actually notice if someone stole this?" If you wouldn't notice, or if you wouldn't notice for ages, stick it in a bag and take it to the tip. It feels great afterwards - focus on that feeling.

If you can't decide whether to keep something or not , I always ask myself 'when was the last time I looked at or used it ?' If it was over a year , it gets binned .

Also , keeping stuff to take to a charity shop ( and then never getting round to it ) causes more clutter so bin that as well . I am keen on recycling but in some cases , where you are overwhelmed it's best just to bin stuff, you can recycle when you're on top of things .

Thanks @hollowtalk. 8.30 tomorrow. Can't guarantee I'll be waiting at the gates but you've inspired me to fill some bags

I agree about the charity shop, Oddcat. At our tip people leave stuff that might be useful to someone else next to the relevant skip. I'm sure the guys working there would just chuck it if they thought nobody was going to want it. There are also skips for clothes, shoes and bags, CDs and DVDs, books, electrical items etc. Those are dealt with by charities so you don't need to go to the shop itself.

Why don't you photograph a section of the room before and after you've dealt with it? I think a whole room can frighten people into inaction. It's easier to say "I'll deal with the coffee table now" than to focus on the whole room. I do think though that if there's any rubbish (food packaging, that sort of thing) then you can give yourself five minutes and fill a bag with it - focus on how good you'll feel afterwards.

I find that I'm easily distracted, so I say'for the next ten minutes I'm dusting' and stick to it. If I'm chatting on the phone, I pick up a wet wipe and clean skirtings, doors , window sills etc.

One thing I do is whenever there are adverts on TV in the evening, I do something really quickly then. I can't pause on my TV so that hurries me along a bit! Even if it's just putting the bin out or getting a carrier bag and filling it with rubbish, I'll do something in that time. And then I can sit down again and watch the rest of the programme!

'The Life Changing Mag ic of Tidying Up' by Marie Kondo is good.
Delegate jobs. If you have teenagers ask them to help you.