If your house was filthy? And I mean BAD.

[utterfilth]

Name changed for this. I'm so ashamed.

Over the last few years I have had problems with depression and anxiety which have had a terrible impact on my motivation and housekeeping skills. I don't clean or tidy and my house smells.

The wooden floors are dirty, there are cobwebs. Unpacked boxes from a move two years ago. Clutter everywhere. I manage to keep the kitchen clean for the health of my teenage kids.

I am overwhelmed and feel ill at how much I have to do. I can't cope. I can't have anyone visit.

I would never ask a friend to help me - it's that bad. They would be shocked and disgusted at how bad it is.

I know the answer is to start slowly and if I was able to get my head together I would roll my sleeves up. But I just want to get in bed and sleep.

I don't know what I'm asking here for - maybe just a magic motivational kick up the arse?

Hi,

I sympathise with you. Depression does this. It's a tough one to overcome.

Don't overwhelm yourself. Don't try and do it all at once. Because even if you do, you'll feel 'I did that already and really resent having to do it again in two weeks time.

Instead, set up small chunks of time each day to do some jobs that make a difference. It's really great you keep your kitchen clean and tidy. That's the best start.

Next, do the same for your bathroom.

First job: get some strong bin bags, some wipes (Wilkos are good and cheap for wipes if you have one near) and a large box of any sort.

Put anything that doesn't belong in the bathroom in the hallway outside.

Put all toiletries etc into the box, except ones that have less than 1 cm of product left in them.

Chuck away old toothbrushes (keep one ot do the tiles if you want but not 5, old make up, any rubbish and all except two of the old plastic bottles with 1/2 cm of shampoo or bath gel in them.

Add a bit of water to each of the two you keep. Chuck one down the loo and scrub the loo with it. Rinse one around the bath and scrub the bath with it. You can use an old facecloth or sponge to clean them if you throw it away afterwards, or a cleaning spnge or cloth if you have one.

Rub taps, windows and mirrors. You can use glass/window spray cleaner if you like, or white vinegar. Or just rub with a damp cloth or wipe and then polish with a dry towel.

Finish by cleaning the surfaces and floor with wipes and chucking the wipes.

Then stop. That's enough for one day. Now you have two rooms in good order - kitchen and bathroom.

Get your teens to put away or chuck away stuff now on the landing that should never have been in the bathroom.

Then have a small reward - cup of tea and watch a comedy or glass of wine in a sunny spot - whatever you like. Don't do too much.

I really recommend Flylady. She helps you get started on a routine. She understands you should never blitz a place or you'll think you've 'done' it and not want to do it again. She gets you into easy, manageable habits.

I think Minapaws's advice is super. It's good to do a bit at a time every day - be consistent and keep at it. Have an image of how you want it to look to help you remain enthusiastic. Good luck.

I've just looked at that Unfuckyourhabitat site. It's good isn't it? less twee than Flylady.

But I don't agree with all those cleaning products. Blimey. You only need two:

1. Washing up liquid. It smells nice. It's cheap and it cuts through grease 10x quicker than anything else, without harsh chemicals. You can dilute it to wash walls and cupboards. It does ceramic, wood, stainless steel, everything.
2. Zoflora or bleach to disinfect. Zoflora can be diluted until you can barely smell it and used as a surface spray and floor cleaner; you can chuck a capful down the loo or sink to get rid of bad smells and add a capful to the washing machine if you have honky teen clothes or damp towels and teatowels to disinfect while you wash them. If you prefer bleach same applies. Just dilute it right down until it smells very weak and use on surfaces, but neat for sinks and loos.

That's it. All the cleaning stuff you need for £2 and no need to store loads of stuff.

Some cleaning companies clean up after murders, this will be easy. It doesn’t matter where they start, it’s a start and you’ll be better off after a few hours than you were before.

Call the cleaners and good luck!!

@Justtheonequestion

@Juells what stops you just clearing it all straight into a bin bag? x

It's all expensive stuff I'll use again - not most of the stuff on that little section of the worktop, which was the only non-outing bit I could photograph, but tools and equipment and sandpaper and glue etc. all cost quite a bit, so better to get shelves to sort them onto rather than have them piled up on the table where I can't even see what I have. :(

I'm feeling quite hopeful now, I've found a set of kitchen shelving in Ikea that I can have delivered, shove everything on there and I get my countertops and kitchen table back!!! I don't know why I haven't done it before. Onward and upward.

GardenGeek - that sounds so satisfying. I love that level of organisation. So peaceful.

I did 15 minutes (well 20) of tidying just now, and rather ironically uncovered my Kondo book!

All the time at school I encourage the children to be "working on it" and "can't do it ...yet". It came to me just now that I should adopt my own positive mindset!

Keep posting, OP! You're probably inspiring more of us than you know

My godmother got into this state and I helped her. I didn't judge, are you sure your friends would? I think if they are friends of any calibre they would want to help you if they knew how much it was upsetting you.

Google The Organised Mum Method, it has a Bootcamp option where a deep clean is needed and a weekly plan to help you stay on top of things (without having to spend hours cleaning!)

I tend to hang onto things for donating. It gets a few days on the local cloud fb group then its straight to the charity shop. I recommend your local cloud group though. Stuff usually gets picked up quick.

I don't think I'd want to ask any of my friends as I am very good at pretending everything is ok. The shock of how I live would be huge!

If I do see then it's in a pub or dinner after work and never at home. My worst nightmare would be someone popping in unexpectedly. I'd have to pretend not to be in.

If my boys bring any friends in I feel mortified and usually hide upstairs. The thought of what their friends think makes me so ashamed.

I would suggest a huge declutter first then clean one area at a time so one day concentrate on just floors then another surfaces then another toilets etc , it wont feel as overwhelming , get some garden rubble sacks and fill one then take straight to the tip so youre not tempted to take things back out , get some nice storage boxes and files for paper for things you must keep

I know you are really struggiling but you need to get try and of this shame thing (btw been there) once you do then cleaning up is honestly easier. The shame holds you back you feel useless and if you feel useless then you won't tackle it because you feel you can't manage because you feel useless and ashamed it is a bloody awful cycle to be in. Would writing down what you want/doing help you and maybe we can virtually help you sort through jobs

This thread here is exactly why I love MN. OP I don’t have anything to add that hasn’t been said already but please don’t feel ashamed. Keeping on top of housework is difficult at the best of times let alone when you are ill. Agree with all the advice here re professional cleaning company and then it will be easier for you to make a fresh start.

@utterfilth we all have times where life passes us by and the little things seem to be missed. Unfortunately the little things build up and it feels insurmountable to start to tackle them.

You have nothing to be ashamed off - it's life. But you can start to do something about it. I'm a bit like you, couldn't pay someone to come into my house when I'd be embarrassed even if it's their job! I'd suggest getting three large bags or boxes (Ikea blue bags are great for this) and sorting into

1. things to keep and need a home
2. things for the charity shop (think: have I used this in the past 12 months?)
3. things for the bin - anything broken, not suitable for the charity shop or plain junk----

Work at it a bit at a time and get your kids involved - you could be in charge of a bag each and make it into a race/game

It will be done in no time. Once it's de cluttered THEN you can get a cleaner in and they can do the deep clean.

Most of all, baby steps are the way forward. Sorry that you've been having a tough time

Can you call a family meeting and see if your boys would be happy to pitch in. With three of you helping you could get the bulk of it sorted much quicker. Then pay for a cleaner to finish off.

You will feel 100% better with a clean home!

Plus it can’t be gray for the children even if the kitchen is tidy.

Make a start. Stop thinking about it. Make a start now.

I’m in east London too, id come and help you. I suffer with depression too so believe me I’ve been there and nothing would shock me x

Oh I'm feeling so inspired! Shelves being delivered Wed morning, my whole life is going to change