If your house was filthy? And I mean BAD.

[utterfilth]

Name changed for this. I'm so ashamed.

Over the last few years I have had problems with depression and anxiety which have had a terrible impact on my motivation and housekeeping skills. I don't clean or tidy and my house smells.

The wooden floors are dirty, there are cobwebs. Unpacked boxes from a move two years ago. Clutter everywhere. I manage to keep the kitchen clean for the health of my teenage kids.

I am overwhelmed and feel ill at how much I have to do. I can't cope. I can't have anyone visit.

I would never ask a friend to help me - it's that bad. They would be shocked and disgusted at how bad it is.

I know the answer is to start slowly and if I was able to get my head together I would roll my sleeves up. But I just want to get in bed and sleep.

I don't know what I'm asking here for - maybe just a magic motivational kick up the arse?

I've found making lists of what needs doing in each room and leaving it in there helps. Then go to each room and pick a task from each list - they can be something that takes 5 minutes or an hour, pick what you feel up to at that time.

As others have said, if you have teenagers then it's their responsibility too so get them roped in.

The important thing here is that your depression has impoved:-)

Thats more important than a bit of mess and untidyness.

Seek what help you can and do if you want to get a pro cleaning firm in they I very much expect will have seen it all before!

You have nothing, nothing at all to feel ashamed about.

The important thing is your better:)

Thanks again you wonderful bunch, especially those who suggested unfuckyourhabitat which is right up my street. Sorry don't know how to tag people on here.

I am going to have a good chat with my kids about all this and ask for help from them and a cleaning company. I need to park my shame and stop ruining our home life because of it.

You've all helped me so much I feel a bit tearful.

choose one room to start with. divide it into squares and do one square a time. Set the timer and do 20 mins to start with. Then look at the difference. it really helps. Also through the windows open, put upbeat music on and a nice candle. all helps to keep your mood up too.

My house needs a deep clean as well, but cleaners wouldn't know where to start. There's stuff everywhere. Not hoarding-type stuff, but craft stuff on every surface. I don't invite anyone in, apart from one friend, for the same reason as the OP. The one friend I do invite in is a compulsive cleaner (to do with an abusive childhood) and she actually likes the mess, envies me the ability to sit in the middle of it all and not feel compelled to clean up. I'd love a cosy nest but just don't know where to start. I feel the need for a photograph coming on....

This is one of my kitchen countertops :( My kitchen table is even worse - glue, stones, camera, files, saws, sandpaper, dremel, wax, gas torch, things I haven't used for a year, one tiny corner clear for eating on and laptop. My sink and bathroom are clean, that's about it. If it's any consolation, I was just as bad when my DC were little and they've grown up perfectly healthy and better able to housekeep than I ever was.

If it wasn't for DH being a diamond and a tidy person, I would be in your state after having a breakdown last year. If you can get some help IRL even an understanding friend or volunteer, it's a great encouragement.

In the end we moved to a smaller house which focused the mind massively on decluttering. I can't think of anything I miss that we donated/sold apart from perhaps a few books.

I have also helped a friend who had a very hard time over the years and her house was hair raising at times, really you don't judge in these situations you just want your friend to be OK and coping in her home.

Don’t look at the whole ‘mess’ that’s overwhelming.

Pick one room or area that will make a big difference if it were to be clear.
Set a timer for 15 minutes, get a bin bag and clear as quickly as you can- don’t dilly dally, make a quick decision ‘do I need this? Use this? Do I love it? Is it useful?’ If the answer is no, bin it!
When your 15 minutes are up, make a cup of tea and reward yourself for starting.
After tea, if you feel like another 15 minutes, do it!
If you don’t, do anmother one tomorrow. Even if you’ve cleared out a single drawer, or a corner of a room it will make ou fee better to see that area.
I can rarely be bothered starting a de clutter but once I start, I feel more motivated and keep going when I see results.

I've recently had to do this. I hired a skip. The pressure of having it sitting outside, costing money, motivated me enough to start slinging everything into it. I got the kids to help. Everything I didn't need but didn't want to chuck was packed into boxes and put in the loft. We were each allocated 2 boxes for sentimental stuff, so we had to be ruthless about what we were going to keep. Once the place was decluttered, I got a company in to do a deep clean.

I'm not sure I'd recommend this method if you're feeling unwell though. The house looks great, but it took 2 weeks, and I was left a stressed, exhausted mess!

Literally just one thing can be the motivation to keep going. My hallway had become a dumping ground and the main issue was a bed we’d taken down from the children’s room and dumped there with the intention of selling it on social media sites. Anyway I’d convinced myself that no one would want it. One day I thought I’d put it online just to see at a cheap price. In ten minutes I’d had about five messages. It had gone by the next day and it inspired me to carry on. It caused me so much shame having it there I couldn’t invite anyone in and the shame sort of stopped me moving forward, But just that one act of selling that bed made all the difference. But if you met me you’d think i was very grown up and together (just hide it well!).

If you can just tackle one tiny task, you might feel better. For example, sorting one pile of clothes and taking them to the charity shop. One person’s junk is another person’s valuable possession.

You are really worth this.

Read marie original book. Halved my belongings. It gets addictive so gets easier to throw yourself into

I totally understand. The downstairs of our house is OK but our bedroom is beyond dreadful - I'd be so embarrassed if any of my friends saw it. It gets me down.

Actually, you've prompted me to do something. I'm going in for 20 minutes - may take a photo daily on my phone so I can see the difference. I'm so tired after work at this end of term and we have far too much junk in there. Tea just drunk so I'm going now. Thanks OP.

And loads of people will not judge !

I'm another one who uses Unfuck Your Habitat. I have found it much more helpful than Flylady who seems to assume you're home all day every day and can do all your "errands" on one day of the week. I know other people will find Flylady more helpful. UFYH has a FB group too, where they have regular unfuck-alongs! And you only have to commit to 20 minutes. Cleaning used to give me major anxiety but even I can manage 20 minutes.

OP - meant to say that my sittingroom used to be almost as bad but I got a huge number of shelves from Ikea and managed to sort that out completely. The floor is all clear now. If I had wallspace for shelves in the kitchen I'd be able to sort that out too.

Hmmmnnnnn just realised I do have wallspace if I threw out a sideboard that is just used as another surface for junk. OK, thank you for starting this thread, I feel a tidy-up coming on.

Oh yes, I forgot about UFYH :) That's really good too.

Tackle it as a team, make a positive commitment going forward - and - crucial - don't beat yourself up if you find you fall off the wagon. Just get back on. It doesn't matter, you're still in a better place than you were when you started.

Your rooms will each have a natural segment. Cut them into these segments and do one area at a time until it’s clean or until 15 minutes are up or whatever. If it’s truly filthy, make them tiny segments- so one seat on the sofa for example.
Get lots of bin bags ready and once your bin is full, start cleaning and organising.
If you can’t get to a tip and only have fortnightly collections, it’s too easy to grind to a halt but if you do it like this then one area will be clear and then you can clean it in the interim. Once it is clean, it’s easier to maintain.

My friend got himself into a similar position. His girlfriend wanted him to move in with her but he kept putting it off (for 4 years!) because it was overwhelming.

I suggested he pack up what he actually used and moved it and then paid a house clearance to deal with everything else. He felt so ashamed that in the end we concocted a lie about it being his late great uncle’s house!

So, could you face employing a cleaning company if you told a little white lie like that? The cleaning companies don’t care so no need to feel bad about fibbing - it’s their job to deal with stuff like this.

Some companies even specialise in really grim stuff like crime scene clear up, so your house will be a dream in comparison!

Bertie Botts:

giving myself permission to just take it all to the tip and screw what could be recycled and what could not because it was a one off.

I think giving yourself permission to simply dump what you don't need in the house is vital. I joined a decluttering group on FB and I got exhausted by the insistence that things had to be 'repurposed' - so the clutter stayed in the house, it was just made into something else that you didn't need hanging around! Also a lot of the people were in the USA where it seems to be easier to donate unwanted objects to charity through something called 'Goodwill'.

OP I am in your position, lots of reasons apart from the fact I am not a good cleaner/tidier, but what I'm fighting with at the moment is physical and mental fatigue through illness, plus depression and anxiety.

Your thread has encouraged me to go ahead and book a cleaning firm to clean the things I can't reach/don't have the energy for.

There is nothing to be ashamed of in being unable to clean.

You have teenage kids too grab them give them a job each which is the worst ? Tackle that first I know it is hard but you will all feel a bit better if your living space is tidier the kids live there too it isn't just your job

utterfilth Keep posting updates, it will give you a kick up the bum to do a bit every day

I'm so happy you started this thread, it's given me the motivation to do something about the mess I've spent years avoiding clearing up. Some Ikea shelves, and pay them to assemble, then I won't even have to pay for deep cleaning I'll be able to get at things myself hopefully.

I would use the Bin/Recycle/Charity Shop/Keep boxes.

(DMum will say "Oh I need that I'm going to sew it or mend it"
Then it gets put down somewhere (usually somewhere random or she'll hide things so I can't throw it out) and we have to do the whole thing again .
So handle it once. Put it in a box (as above) or put it away in its place .

(And yes , I reckon my DMum has some age related dementia issues but the untidy hoarding is long term)

Yes it can become a mental block because you end up thinking I have to put this to the best possible use - it's an anxiety related (or at least exacerbated) thing, I think. I suffer from it a bit even now - I have a huge box in my wardrobe of outgrown clothes from DS which I keep putting on a swap page and nobody wants, I just really need to dump it all or give the usable stuff to the refugee centre.

Goodwill is just the same thing as a charity shop really - they will take pretty much anything but it's really poor form to just dump a whole box of unsorted stuff on them in reality because their volunteers will have to spend time going through to see what they can sell and what is rubbish. Sometimes if you have a recycle shop at your local tip they ARE happy to do this work for you but not always.

I know it's not really great to chuck away stuff which can be used BUT sometimes you have to prioritise getting a job done vs getting something done in the "best" way and when it's a massive clear out like this, the justification is that you do that as a big thing once and then it's done forever. And in future you can deal with stuff more responsibly because you won't let it build up.

Can I suggest a skip? It will work out cheaper than many visits to your local tip and makes the throwing away of what you don’t need that much quicker. I did it a few years ago and it really worked for me!

Waves Another poster here who's been in your position. It'd got to a point where I honestly couldn't/wouldn't see how bad it was until I started trying to clean up a bit when we were selling the place - I'm amazed we got a buyer, it was grim. I drive past it occasionally and the person who bought it has absolutely gutted it and practically started from scratch - which, of course, is what I needed to do. Your description of the wooden floors and the cobwebs rings so many bells...

We moved into a lovely house, and because it was clean and tidy and empty I've been able to keep it that way - I try to clean a room a day.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that the deep clean sounds like a wonderful idea. Don't be embarrassed - I'm sure they've seen it all (and worse!) before - and then you can start again with a nice clean slate. There are some brilliant suggestions for decluttering on this thread if you'd be happier doing that first

@Juells what stops you just clearing it all straight into a bin bag? x