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Original poster

Friends have booked a fish restaurant I am going to hate...

178 replies

Embarrassed · 19/06/2018 22:44

Going out with good friends tomorrow evening to the theatre and for early dinner beforehand. DH organised the details with the other bloke who offered to book a restaurant as he works in town and knows more of them. Apparently he asked DH if I ate fish, to which DH says he replied, "yes some, but not shellfish" (which is true).

We've just been sent the meet up details with the restaurant address and I've looked it up and I can see from the menu that there is going to be NOTHING that I will feel comfortable eating there.
It's a specialist seafood restaurant which serves A LOT of shellfish and raw fish and fish presented 'whole'.

I have a weird relationship with fish and DH knows this. I don't like the soft slimy texture in my mouth; the idea of digging meat out of shells makes me shudder and if a fish is presented to me whole, eyes and all, it makes me feel physically sick.

If I do eat fish it's usually the firm steak type - tuna, salmon, swordfish, or something that's filleted and no longer looks like fish (yes, hypocritical, I know). (There's nothing like this on the menu)

I don't know what to do?

  • Be honest, tell them I don't like the restaurant and say we'll meet them later?
  • Offer to find somewhere else (the problem is that the other couple are 'foodies' and I can't imagine them liking anything I'll choose)
  • Eat beforehand and just go for a drink (and perhaps smoked salmon/bread, which I could probably manage) and try not to look at any of the plates?

I'm a bit miffed as I wonder if DH knew it was this type of restaurant but didn't tell me as he quite likes seafood, but of course we don't tend to go to seafood restaurants.

Even just looking at their Facebook page is making me feel like gagging right now Sad I don't want to waste money on something that is going to make me feel sick.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 19/06/2018 23:33

Sorry but it is precious and childish to want everyone's evening out to be rearranged because you are so fussy about food that you can't cope with other people eating food you dislike. \just don't go.

expatinscotland · 19/06/2018 23:34

If it's going to lead to you feeling nauseated whilst others are eating, and there's the possibility of making others uncomfortable whilst they are dining, it's best you make an excuse and meet them later. Send your DH along on his own, it'll be a chance for him to enjoy a food he loves. Really wouldn't expect everyone else to forgo an entire category of food they all love because of me.

LittleBearPad · 19/06/2018 23:41

You acknowledge that the whole menu isn’t on the website. There will be a veggie option, probably several. Try to be a bit flexible.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General food
soapboxqueen · 19/06/2018 23:41

I really doubt your friends have done it on purpose. Your eating preferences will not centre stage in their minds.

You've been given some suggestions by pp and I would also second calling up the restaurant tomorrow to see what is available.

Quodlibet · 19/06/2018 23:42

I think you are being a fusspot too OP, sorry.
As a vegetarian since childhood I've been in tons of restaurants where the food offering for me was extremely limited. It's not a massive deal - just pick what you can eat and eat that.
If you are so sensitive about what others are eating that you have to exert control over it to be socially comfortable, maybe you shouldn't join them for the meal on this occasion. Make an excuse and join them later.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 19/06/2018 23:47

Ive been a veggie over 20 years & there hasnt once been a restaurant that wasnt able to cater to me (admittedly some better than others).
This includes:
Steakhouses.. one in munich came up with a beautiful meal for me!!
Speciality meat places (alligater etc Blush)
Fish restaurants
Restaurants in countries that have no concept of vegetarianism

Either ring ahead & explain the situation, or just eat a light meal beforehand so you wont starve if there isnt much, but do leave some room for you to be pleasantly surprised.
They will have come across this before, and they are not going to force you to eat fish.
Just be polite & be prepared to be pleasantly surprised.
Dont miss the meal cause of it tho.
Sometimes i have no choice on where the group decides to eat & i just have to suck it up & make the best of it.
I dont impose my food choices on other people, and dont expect them to on me, but we can all socialise together.

But tell dh next time you pick the restaurant WinkGrin

abitoflight · 19/06/2018 23:48

Fisk cakes? I'd have veggie option in those circs
Even if there's a plain white fish, the trend for undercooking can scupper that. I've asked for my fish well done as had it served translucent several times 🤢

Frannibananni · 19/06/2018 23:50

Call and ask in the day. There will be some other options I'm sure. I don't think you can ask them to change the restaurant now with being a cf.

MagicNumberyThings · 19/06/2018 23:56

Even Rick Stein's Seafood restaurant has a ham starter, veggie dishes and either chicken or lamb on the menu. I don't like shellfish but my dh does, and we often go to fish restaurants. I've never been to any fish restaurant that didn't have more options than just fish.

Ring them up!!

jellycat · 19/06/2018 23:56

I wouldn’t go if I were you OP. For me, the experience would be nauseating - the smell, look of the food etc - even if they do a veggie option you could eat. I don’t agree with the posters who say that you’re being a “fusspot”. You have not chosen to feel this way.

I would invent a reason to arrive late.

If they are not aware of your tastes, having socialised with you before, then I think they are pretty thoughtless. I suspect they just think you can be converted. As someone who is “fussy” about food and has a child with a food phobia that makes me angry on your behalf!

SneakyGremlins · 19/06/2018 23:57

Oooh yes, ask if they can do you fishcakes? No eyes to be seen (haha) there!

Wavescrashingonthebeach I love Alligator meat Blush but when I do eat veggie my issue is people think all vegetarians love mushrooms Envy

teaandtoast · 19/06/2018 23:58

Sounds horrendous. Emergency at work sounds your best bet.

As Dh and your friends know your tastes, what on earth made them settle on this restaurant?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 20/06/2018 00:01

Yes, it is definately too late to change the restaurant.
Ring ahead if needs be, but tbh, over last 5 years, i personally havnt felt the need to as places these days are so accomodating.
I normally ask for a quick word with the wait staff once everyone has ordered drinks & heap praise on them...works a treat Smile

ReanimatedSGB · 20/06/2018 00:06

Well, maybe they are all a little tired of the OP behaving like an awkward toddler every time they have a meal together. The trouble with people who are 'fussy' eaters rather than having genuine allergies or other medical requirements is that eating with these people is such a PITA, because they pull faces and whine and make negative comments about what everyone else is having. So they've probably picked this restaurant in the hope OP will make an excuse and join them after dinner - so they can actually enjoy a meal without her doing a catsbumface all the way through it.

expatinscotland · 20/06/2018 00:07

'As Dh and your friends know your tastes, what on earth made them settle on this restaurant?'

They might have tired of always having to eat in places that accommodate just the one person, the OP.

There was a thread on here some years ago featuring just such a group of friends. For years they had to go to Harvester/Weatherspoon's type places because 'Gareth' ate like a toddler. Finally they all decided to eat at 'Spicy as Fuck' and if Gareth couldn't find anything to eat there, too bad.

SneakyGremlins · 20/06/2018 00:10

expat I've been in that situation! "James" didn't like "exotic" food. So anything that wasn't from a pub. Eventually we just left him to it and went for a lovely Mexican meal. Minus James!

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 20/06/2018 00:10

Hahaha Sneaky i do looooove mushrooms Smile

And Jelly i do agree with you, it's so frustrating when people call you a 'fusspot'.

Trust me I have had YEARS of people interrogating my food choices both at restaurants & when im sat innocently eating my lunch at work. So I truly empathise with the Op even though they arent a veggie.

But I would still say go. Ive been restaurants where theres been meat on those hot stone thingys, bloody roast chicken everywhere. Every possible option. Just try be the bigger & better person.

If it gets too smelly excuse yourself & go outside for air.

Oh it's so bloody hard isnt it. Especially "just try some" - no she doesnt want to bloody try some!!

It will all be ok Op & sorry for my waffling derailing the thread..

SneakyGremlins · 20/06/2018 00:14

I understand OP, I do, but I'm a bit on the fence.. there's literally zero dishes you can have? NONE?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 20/06/2018 00:15

Sorry just in light of what last two pp's have said, I have not once moaned about the meat smoke / smell etc when eating out. I just eat my food & get on with it. Long as you're not sticking your meaty fork in my food i really DGAF Smile.
And I wont sit there & go on at people for eating meat as its really not the time or the place- theres more than enough info online if people want to research it.

Bear2014 · 20/06/2018 00:32

It's impossible to please everyone when you go out in a big group. To be sociable I would ring the restaurant and pretend you're vegetarian. Your friends won't notice/care, they just want you there. Next time the restaurant will probably suit you better. You could always get your DH to suggest somewhere that you like on a future occasion.

bluescreen · 20/06/2018 00:39

BTW, I don't get why PPs are assuming you can't cope with other people eating fish and seafood next to you: nothing in your post suggests this.

But if what's on other people's plates gives you the boak, you're going to have to excuse yourself. OTOH you will be used to it...
Wine

BakedBeans47 · 20/06/2018 00:40

I think it’s a wee bit unfair calling OP a fusspot. She’s said she doesn’t like shellfish or fish served “whole”. Those are not uncommon aversions.

OP restaurants want you to go and spend money. They’ll do something that’ll suit you, I’d be amazed if they don’t. Give them a buzz tomorrow.

SleepingStandingUp · 20/06/2018 00:43

Geez, I wouldn't want to be friends with some of you lot.

It is very unfair for you to expect people to only eat where you want
But it's ok for them to expect her to adult through a meal where she's going to feel physically uncomfortable.

If my friend couldn't go / didn't want to go top a specific restaurant, we'd go elsewhere because she's my friend.

Her friends can go back there another time, her DH can make plans with them or other mates and go out for dinner without op. She's not banning them all from there forever

MiddleClassProblem · 20/06/2018 00:55

I don’t think they purposely tricked you. And I honestly think there will be other options for you to eat there.

Shadow666 · 20/06/2018 00:58

Get a grip, seriously.

I sort of agree with this. Just text back that you're sorry to be a pain but don't really fancy the menu. Is there somewhere else they could book?

It really isn't a big deal and easily managed.

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