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Original poster

Friends have booked a fish restaurant I am going to hate...

178 replies

Embarrassed · 19/06/2018 22:44

Going out with good friends tomorrow evening to the theatre and for early dinner beforehand. DH organised the details with the other bloke who offered to book a restaurant as he works in town and knows more of them. Apparently he asked DH if I ate fish, to which DH says he replied, "yes some, but not shellfish" (which is true).

We've just been sent the meet up details with the restaurant address and I've looked it up and I can see from the menu that there is going to be NOTHING that I will feel comfortable eating there.
It's a specialist seafood restaurant which serves A LOT of shellfish and raw fish and fish presented 'whole'.

I have a weird relationship with fish and DH knows this. I don't like the soft slimy texture in my mouth; the idea of digging meat out of shells makes me shudder and if a fish is presented to me whole, eyes and all, it makes me feel physically sick.

If I do eat fish it's usually the firm steak type - tuna, salmon, swordfish, or something that's filleted and no longer looks like fish (yes, hypocritical, I know). (There's nothing like this on the menu)

I don't know what to do?

  • Be honest, tell them I don't like the restaurant and say we'll meet them later?
  • Offer to find somewhere else (the problem is that the other couple are 'foodies' and I can't imagine them liking anything I'll choose)
  • Eat beforehand and just go for a drink (and perhaps smoked salmon/bread, which I could probably manage) and try not to look at any of the plates?

I'm a bit miffed as I wonder if DH knew it was this type of restaurant but didn't tell me as he quite likes seafood, but of course we don't tend to go to seafood restaurants.

Even just looking at their Facebook page is making me feel like gagging right now Sad I don't want to waste money on something that is going to make me feel sick.

OP posts:
acornsandnuts · 19/06/2018 23:03

I often have a couple of starters in restaurants as I find them so much less carb fuelled so need to be a lot more tasty and imaginative.

Original poster
Embarrassed · 19/06/2018 23:03

Get a grip, seriously.

Lama, thanks for your helpful comment.

OP posts:
welshmist · 19/06/2018 23:03

My friend cannot even sit next to a person eating fish/shellfish. I think you should say no.

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General food
Rachelsholiday · 19/06/2018 23:06

Honestly call the restaurant tomorrow you are not the first person who feels like this. They absolutely will be able to cook you a meaty bit of tuna etc

Honestly just call the restaurant

Original poster
Embarrassed · 19/06/2018 23:06

welshmist - yes! It's not quite that bad for me, but not far off - I find the whole thing so uncomfortable - the crunching of shells and the slopping and tipping of mussels into mouths, the breaking off of heads of prawns etc
Eeurgh...

OP posts:
outofmydepth45 · 19/06/2018 23:08

It's awful trying to eat when someone is 'boaking' sorry but you need to grow up

Imchlibob · 19/06/2018 23:09

I think phoning the restaurant to request a tuna steak or similar is the best solution.

Lots of fish restaurants either don't have a vegetarian option at all (because they reckon vegetarians eat fish Hmm) or if they do it is something really depressing like a butternut squash and lentil salad as they are trying to make a single 'slot' on the menu fulfil all the possible special dietary requirements they can think of so it's vegan and gluten free etc. So you can't rely on a veggie option.

I'm sure the restaurant will be happy to cater for you if you explain your limitations with sufficient notice.

Thesearepearls · 19/06/2018 23:13

Don't be such a fusspot

The restaurant will have a vegetarian option - impossible that it doesn't - just eat that and don't make a fuss

MissConductUS · 19/06/2018 23:15

The kitchen will have something they can produce for finicky eaters that don't like fish, just to avoid parties canceling for this reason. Ring them and ask about your options.

ILikeyourHairyHands · 19/06/2018 23:17

Sorry OP but either don't go or go and eat what you can without making a fuss.

I'd be beyond pissed off if I was looking forward to going to a nice fish restaurant and somebody scuppered it.

Let your DH enjoy a bit of seafood, my DH isn't a huge lover of crustaceans and turned his nose up at my gooseneck barnacles (which is foolish as they're bloody delicious), but he's always happy to go to places I want to.

(He's not a fussy bugger btw, just not a massive fan of shellfish).

BarbaraofSevillle · 19/06/2018 23:18

If you can manage smoked salmon and bread and butter, that's probably the best solution. They might have other things you can manage once you get there.

From your DHs point of view, it's a rare chance he has to go somewhere of his choosing. If he's used to compromising and going along with your simple tastes, he's probably desperate to go somewhere more interesting to him for once.

ReanimatedSGB · 19/06/2018 23:20

Even if there is something you will eat, are you going to be able to behave like an adult if your friends are eating shellfish? If you're going to shudder and cry and retch all the way through the meal, it would be a lot better for you to make the 'delayed at work' excuse and, as a PP said, tell them afterwards that it's OK as a specialist fish restaurant isn't really your thing.
And maybe in future agree only to social events that are not food-related. Having to cater to a squeamish eater or someone who follows one stupid fad diet after another can make meals out with a group an absolute nightmare for all concerned.

ooohsopink · 19/06/2018 23:20

Ring the restaurant and explain that you are a vegetarian, you will be attending on xx date/time and could they tell you what the vegetarian option is please? If it's acceptable, tell them to ensure that option or similar is available on the night. If it isn't, tell them why and ask for an alternative.

The restaurant would rather you told them in advance so that they can cater for you, and you still walk away from their establishment happy and a returning customer.

As for sitting next to people who are eating shellfish or whole fish - I don't know about you but apart from when a dish arrives, I don't spend any time gazing at the dishes of my fellow diners - so just ignore it. It's likely that it will only be the main course that bothers you, as starter courses are less likely to be whole or shelled fish, and dessert will be the normal items.

So preorder your meal, ignore the main courses ordered and enjoy your meal knowing that your husband is getting a treat.

BlondeB83 · 19/06/2018 23:22

Have the veggie option.

You’re missing out though! The food sounds amazing!

Uncreative · 19/06/2018 23:24

You won’t be able to do anything about other people’s plates but it is easy enough to fix your own plate. Ask the waiter if something can be served minus the head/tail or filleted or whatever. I have done that in the past (in a normal, not seafood specialist restaurant) and they were very happy to comply. I really fancied the fish but don’t like my food to watch me - most decent restaurants will make small adjustments to their menu without any issue.

Skittlesandbeer · 19/06/2018 23:24

It’s sounding more and more like your issue has nothing to do with the food on offer. You know you can call ahead, and that it’s very likely they’ll have a fillet dish for you. If you do call them, it’d be important not to say you ‘don’t eat shellfish’ because they’d reasonably assume you were allergic, and likely tell you their whole kitchen was not for you due to unavoidable cross-contamination. But that’s not what’s wrong, is it?

You’re cross with your DH for not knowing you as well as he should, or for knowing yet overriding your phobia with his own greediness. It’s like he’s saying ‘don’t make such an unreasonable fuss, Embarrassed’.

You also are cross with your mates because you suspect they know your preferences and are dismissing them in order to push you out of your phobia.

Send them all a text to clarify that you’ve checked and there’s nothing for you on that menu, could they please change the plan. Offer them a round of drinks for their extra trouble. It is a strange and restrictive phobia you have, and it must be a pain for your partner & mates (since you also can’t bear them eating this food near you). That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t show care of you and avoid booking seafood restaurants. Don’t get hurt, just get the plan changed and chalk it up to them all ‘forgetting’ your needs this time.

ScattyCharly · 19/06/2018 23:27

I feel the same way about fish as you OP.
I'd go to the restaurant and let the others enjoy their fish, you should eat something beforehand and then just order either a starter or a side (surely they have some side orders that don't contain fish) and if anyone says anything, just say I'm not into fish but want you guys to enjoy it, I'm happy with just the starter/side.

AttilaTheMusical · 19/06/2018 23:27

FFS - the OP isn't being a fusspot.

She just doesn't want to pick a dead thing apart with her bare hands and eat it, or to have her food looking back up at her from the plate.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/06/2018 23:27

So, it's not that you just don't like fish per se, it's that seeing 'whole' fish and/or hearing the sounds of shells makes you ill? That's a rough one because it's not simply can you find something else to eat it's that your eyes and ears will be having an 'unpleasant' experience.

Unless you can smile and eat without making obvious faces or noises, it's probably better that you just tell them the truth and offer to come later. Or eat beforehand and 'nurse' a drink or a coffee if there's absolutely nothing on the menu to tempt. I have Coeliac and there's been many a time that I've not been able to find anything 'safe' to eat, but rather than make an issue of a chosen restaurant I just claim not to be hungry and have coffee or a drink

bluescreen · 19/06/2018 23:27

Yes, ring them up! They will - seriously - be able to cook you something non-pescatarian if you give them notice. All the more so if they fancy themselves as on trend, and even if not. It would be such a shame, and totally unnecessary, to be a party-pooper.

If you leave it till you get there you will have to fill up on smoked salmon and sides. But you don't have to leave it till then.Just get on the phone!

GabsAlot · 19/06/2018 23:28

just dont go and i never tip mussels into my mouth

Littleredboat · 19/06/2018 23:28

No veggie option at all?

Thesearepearls · 19/06/2018 23:30

Nah the OP's being a fusspot

When was the last time you suggested a change of restaurant because you couldn't possibly eat anything on the menu?

Would that be never?

Thought so

The OP's being a fusspot

Being a fusspot is actually okay if you're not going to pull the fusspot stint a second time. It's when you get known to be a fusspot that it turns into a Problem

caoraich · 19/06/2018 23:30

I get where you're coming from. I'm a veggie and can sit through a meal in e.g. a steak restaurant no problem, my OH likes his steak bloody and it doesn't bother me too much. But shellfish also gives me the boak. No idea why but it always has. For me it's not just about not looking, it's the sound - that popping noise of the shells- and the smell of it too.

If I were you I'd just meet them afterwards for a drink (or pudding?) - say in advance that something has come up at work that is unavoidable but you'd love to still see them and will miss the meal but get there asap. Your OH will get a nice meal, you can still see your friends and no-one has to feel uncomfortable.
Then later say actually it's all OK as someone else you know had been to that restaurant and honestly it really sounds like it wouldn't have been your thing anyway.

dontticklethetoad · 19/06/2018 23:31

I'm inclined to think that your dh and friends want to eat somewhere other than what is acceptable to your "simple tastes".

It is very unfair for you to expect people to only eat where you want.
I had an ex that would literally only eat wetherspoons type food (which there is nothing wrong with, but I don't want to eat there every meal out). It is frustrating.