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How to deal with friend making me feel awkward

155 replies

NotSinisterAtAll · 11/06/2018 09:36

Yesterday I took my friend some flowers and some wine for her birthday. I was quite happy to stand on the doorstep but she asked me in. I did say no as I was feeling a little awkward but she insisted so I went in to the hallway and shut the door. We chatted and she beckoned me in to the house more. I kept saying no, meaning I’m ok to just chat here. She opened her lounge door and her kids were sat at the table having their tea. They said hi, seemed pleased to see me. She asked me in to the lounge but I said no as I didn’t want to feel more awkward. She eventually took me by the wrist and took me in to the lounge. We chatted, all was ok but I just felt a bit awkward. Eventually we went back outside chatted more and I left. Bit later I got a text saying thank you for the flowers and apologising for making me feel awkward. She realised she’d made me feel this way, however, I’m wondering if I should pull her up on it in person? She’d probably feel awkward herself and probably humiliated but I feel I need to say something for it not to happen again. WWYD? Should I accept the text apology and leave it or pull her up on it and risk humiliating her (which may seem extreme but she’s very sensitive). I’m stuck.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 11/06/2018 14:36

But you are not dealing with it op, You are turning it round on your friend to make her think she has done something wrong when she hasn't. Dealing with it would be admitting you were rude and in the wrong and apologising to your friend for your behaviour.

NotSinisterAtAll · 11/06/2018 14:36

Anyone, not anything be.

OP posts:
Fabellini · 11/06/2018 14:36

Well I’d argue that you’re not fine, as this is in no way normal social interaction, but if you’re happy then fire on. Strikes me you’re not happy though, otherwise why the need to post about it?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/06/2018 14:37

Being rejected and being needy is two completely different things OP

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/06/2018 14:38

Do you have joint friends with DH that you socialise with?

enjoyingscience · 11/06/2018 14:38

You don't actually seem to like her very much. You call her needy (just for bringing her into your home, which you willingly visited to give her a gift. She behaved normally in this situation, yet you started the thread asking if you should call her up on it?). You say you can't get her to stop talking, even though you recognise that she doesn't get a lot of adult company and wants to talk. Being a friend, you would see her need and be compassionate, yet you're coming across as bitchy.

Having trust issues is no excuse to be nasty to her, especially as she seems keen to open up to you, and by your own admission, she has been with you through hard times.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 11/06/2018 14:41

Can I recommend just saying ‘oh sorry can’t stop, got to get to x* just wanted to drop these off’
(*insert location of choice here)
next time she asks you in? I’ve been brought up to believe it’s rude to keep visitors on the doorstep, so would always invite someone in!

NotSinisterAtAll · 11/06/2018 14:42

@ZeroFuchsGiven

We separated on good terms, she was quite happy or at least seemed so. I just mulled it over on my way home then got her message saying sorry.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 11/06/2018 14:45

Was her saying sorry what led you to believe she must have been at fault?

I think uou have misread this. People do this when they are being nice and trying to put folks at their ease, to take the burden off them for their behaviour. It doesn't mean she was actually at fault. Just she was trying to take some of the blame onto herself to make you in some way feel better. It's a nice thing to do.

NotSinisterAtAll · 11/06/2018 14:56

@sweeneytoddsrazor

We have joint acquaintances through work but wouldn’t necessarily consider them friends.

@enjoyingscience

I do like her otherwise I wouldn’t have given her the gift. She told me not too but I insisted.

@Bluntness100

It was partly the text message, yes. She’d obviousky realised I was feeling uncomfortable hence why she apologised. As I say, we left on good terms but she is a worrier.

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 11/06/2018 15:04

She told me not too but I insisted.

Maybe she should 'pull you up on that and risk humiliating you'?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 11/06/2018 15:05

So do you do any normal socialising at all?

SoyDora · 11/06/2018 15:11

She told me not too but I insisted

Then you did the same thing as her, no? Maybe you buying her a gift made her feel awkward and uncomfortable.

NotSinisterAtAll · 11/06/2018 15:13

@sweeneytoddsrazor

I work full time and I have 4 children, I don’t get much time to socialise. I see said friend sometimes at the weekend if we’ve arranged to take some of the kids out but other than seeing my brother and his family, no there’s no more socialising.

OP posts:
NotSinisterAtAll · 11/06/2018 15:53

I have spoken to friend. She didn’t mention anything about yesterday. I said that it was lovely to be invited in and just mentioned that I sometimes feel a bit awkward (word of choice on this thread) when I go to a house I’ve not been to. She was ok with that, she’s not the sort to hold a grudge. I’m glad I didn’t say anything to her that would’ve come across as harsh as she truly is a wonderful friend.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 11/06/2018 16:19

Can I just say OP that, despite having your arse handed to you on this thread your response has been so lovely. Calm and polite and dignified and I think your friend is lucky to have you too Thanks

Bluntness100 · 11/06/2018 16:23

Well I think you handled it well by just saying it was lovely and you sometimes feel a little awkward. I'd just move past it now...

NotSinisterAtAll · 11/06/2018 16:27

@BitOutOfPractice @Bluntness100

Thankyou.

OP posts:
Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 11/06/2018 19:53

That sounds really well handled OP Smile

NotSinisterAtAll · 11/06/2018 21:12

@Slightlyperturbedowlagain

Thankyou

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 12/06/2018 15:24

I think she’d feel awkward too coming in my house.

Completely baffled by this. Asking people to visit me at home is probably one of the earliest signs of an acquaintance becoming a friend.

Why would anyone feel awkward? And if they did, would they not just say I would love to come in but am in a tearing hurry, these are for you with my love?

NotSinisterAtAll · 12/06/2018 16:06

@FinallyHere

Because I know my friend is very shy. I’ve noticed that when she talks to me, she tends to put her hands to her face and her neck. She’s told me she suffers from anxiety.

OP posts:
AhoyDelBoy · 21/06/2018 07:57

Wow, I thought I was weird Hmm

AhoyDelBoy · 21/06/2018 08:00

This reply has been deleted

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LEMtheoriginal · 21/06/2018 08:13

Ahoy why have you redirected this thread just to make a snide comment?

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