How to deal with friend making me feel awkward

[NotSinisterAtAll]

Yesterday I took my friend some flowers and some wine for her birthday. I was quite happy to stand on the doorstep but she asked me in. I did say no as I was feeling a little awkward but she insisted so I went in to the hallway and shut the door. We chatted and she beckoned me in to the house more. I kept saying no, meaning I’m ok to just chat here. She opened her lounge door and her kids were sat at the table having their tea. They said hi, seemed pleased to see me. She asked me in to the lounge but I said no as I didn’t want to feel more awkward. She eventually took me by the wrist and took me in to the lounge. We chatted, all was ok but I just felt a bit awkward. Eventually we went back outside chatted more and I left. Bit later I got a text saying thank you for the flowers and apologising for making me feel awkward. She realised she’d made me feel this way, however, I’m wondering if I should pull her up on it in person? She’d probably feel awkward herself and probably humiliated but I feel I need to say something for it not to happen again. WWYD? Should I accept the text apology and leave it or pull her up on it and risk humiliating her (which may seem extreme but she’s very sensitive). I’m stuck.

She’s always really very forthcoming with replies to messages but she’s not replied to my last one so maybe she realises i wasn’t comfortable

Noooo! You are way off the mark again! She's far more likely to be fed up with you and rightly so.

It's what friends do, she probably thought you were worried about intruding so she took you by the hand to lead you in because she's your friend and you're worth interrupting dinner for.
I understand you felt a bit awkward but is it really that big a deal?

I’m not going to push her away.

And you don't think berating her for common politeness will do that?! You sound like extremely hard work.

@60sname

I’m not hard work. I care about her very much. I know she loves me, she’s told me often enough.

So you have never invited her into your house, just stood on the doorstep when she's came to see you? She was probably trying to show you how friends behave by insisting you came in.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

I’ve asked her in once, when I’d had her son for a bit. All the other times, yeh, we’ve just chatted on the doorstep. I have dogs who jump all over people.

Yup, sounds like she’s trying to model normal human behaviour to you.

You do know not inviting people in is fucking weird, right?

No-one can read your mind...or know where your particular boundaries are.

I don't like people in my house much but I still invite them in.

If there are kids eating when I visit, I ask the parent if me being there is an issue, it normally isn't but she can't just stand on her doorstep if she's feeding them.

Don’t worry about it @notsinisteratall
You have some trust issues, she’s not fazed by this, no big deal.

@TokenBritPoshOfCourse

She keeps me talking too long. At least when I went there I could try and leave when I wanted to but if she’s here, she keeps me talking and I can’t just say clear off. She’s at home during the day and has told me sometimes I’m the only adult she speaks to all day.

You are expecting other people to change their normal social behaviour to cope with your issues without explaining to them or being willing to get any help yourself. It is polite to invite people into your house if they have bought you a present, most people find standing on people's doorsteps awkward.
I get that you have trust and anxiety issues but unless you get some help on dealing with these things you are going to lose friends and end up leading a very isolated life.

@Dobbythesockelf

She will most probably invite me over again at a quieter time, when the kids are out at school. Of course I’ll accept and won’t stand stuck on the doorstep. I will have a chat with her and I’ll be nice about it.

OP it's ok to feel anxious but you can't say your friend 'made you feel awkward' - she didn't make you feel anything. Own your own issues and be clear about boundaries e.g. you could've told her directly that you don't want to come in if anyone's home because I'm sure you would've known her children would be home on a Sunday night.

Well I hope you would be nice about it seeing as it’s 100% your issue

@Frosty66612

I know that, thankyou.

Op, wha t would you say to her that would make her feel humiliated? That's such an odd thing to write. And not inviting her into your home is also odd.

Just, everything you write, is odd. And there is something wrong, it feels like you want to say something, that although you'll hold yourself back, you're itching to do it.

Do you have any friends where you go to each other's houses, socialise together? Have you ever had this?

I do value her, she’s been there for me through a lot over the last 18mths. I’m not going to push her away.

I think it very much sounds like you are pushing her away, even if that is unintentional. Do you have any normal social interactions with anybody? Do you work? Why will you not get help?

OP, don't worry that she hasn't replied to the last message. When I read the text conversation as you relayed it, it actually sounds like your last comment was a natural end to the conversation and didn't need a reply.

And of course, even if she did need to reply, the most likely scenario is that she'd put her phone down to concentrate on other things going on around the house.

You clearly know that you're not seeing this whole situation 100% rationally. There's no need for posters to keep having a go at you!
from a fellow over thinker.

Your poor friend. I bet she feels very rejected and confused by your behaviour.

@Bluntness100

I would have said to her to not worry about me coming in, and that pulling me in to her lounge made me feel awkward. It’s maybe not what I’d say, more how she’d take it as I know she’s very sensitive herself and always tries to be the diplomatic one. I think she’d feel embarrassed by her actions. I’m also not holding back on saying something. I care for her a lot, that’s enough.

@sweeneytoddsrazor

I wouldn’t intentionally push her away, however, I do have my guard up as I’ve been hurt by supposed ‘friends’ In the past. She doesn’t seem that way though which is why I’ve let her in. I work full time with a lot of people so yes, I get social interactions. I won’t get help as I don’t need it.

I can’t understand why on earth you’re not willing to seek help though - it’s exhausting just reading this thread, to actually be living with it must be very difficult.

@enjoyingscience

I dont know, I’ve never asked her. At what point does ‘rejected’ become ‘needy’ though?

Well no one is "having a go", but it would be very wrong for anyone to simply tell the op this woman was at fault in any way, and it would be also wrong if they encouraged her to believe her reactions were within normal parameters. That's not having a go, it's simply being honest. Being honest is more helpful to the op than lying to her or simply giving her flowers.

@Fabellini

I’m fine, I’ve been like this forever and I deal with it.

@memaymamo

I’m not worried about anything be having a go, everyone’s entitled to their opinion.