Future MIL has bought a white outfit for my wedding

[natalie204]

Mil showed me a photo of her dress and jacket she has bought for our wedding it's beautiful floor length white evening dress and white jacket. But i was brought up to never wear just white/cream to a wedding as a guest. I mentioned that it's not good etiquette to wear all white to a wedding. She was shocked and had never heard this before, my comment has now made things frosty.
I know my family will mention to her on the day how it's not appropriate to be wearing white.
Am i correct or is it just a regional thing (OH and his family are from a different part of the country)

This is a totally douchey thing to do. Why the hell is she wearing a wedding dress to your wedding. It's plain rude. Good on you for saying something!!! She should feel awkward.

StepAway I agree, that's why I said: obvs some didn't do it on purpose.

For the ones who did do it on purpose, I was thinking about all the DM/DMILs upthread, who wore the same colour as the bridesmaids - or had dresses made up from a swatch of the bridesmaid gowns; not just the floor length white shockers! I could have put that across more clearly.

Koan: reading it back I suspect it's my lack of comprehension skills rather than you not expressing yourself clearly.

It's utterly bizarre that some people do this sort of thing, particularly since weddings are often big public (in the sense of all your friends and family are there) occasions. Why advertise to the whole world that you are an unhinged MIL?

I'm on my second marriage and my exMIL never went to our wedding and my current MIL was in hospital so this never came up! To be serious though I think this is really rude of her. If you have a good enough relationship I would be asking her, if it would be possible to change it. It's your big day, you need to be happy, and if her being in white would upset you, it's better to mention it now.

1. Your family needs to keep their noses out of it.
2. This is one of those OLD traditions that doesn't HAVE to be adhered to --- like your dad having to be the one that walks you down the aisle.

As long as no-one is mistaking her for the bride and she's covered and decent, what she wears is up to her. You're marrying into this man's family ... don't let something like this get in the way of that. And do NOT let your family inflame the situation. It's too petty and unimportant.

It might seem petty to some, but it'll look unhinged to most. I'm not sure I'd want my future MIL looking unhinged my wedding.

Who wants a Miss Haversham at their own wedding?

I have definitely heard of this tradition; best not to undermine the bride on her special day, unlike my mother in law who decided to wear exactly the same dress as the mother of the bride. She'd found out what she had bought and went to the same shop and bought the exact same outfit!! I suppose the wedding photos had an element of symmetry!!

josie wow. Omg. I suppose it could have been worse. She could have got a similar dress to the bride - but that would be ops mil.

I've lived all over this country, and I have never seen a local culture where it is ok for anyone, much less the conspicuous MIL to wear all white to the wedding. I think the MIL is being disingenuous if she feigns being innocently "hurt" that her daughter-in-law doesn't think it's right. That bride is in for a life of hell with a manipulative MIL if she doesn't stand by her boundaries. She told her, now let the woman show up in white and get the looks she thinks she deserves as MIL.

It is not a regional thing. It is not typically done. I live in America and my MIL tried this. She bought a white dress on sale and couldn't take it back.
When she showed it to me, I pointed out it had the same type of lace as my gown.
She pushed and pushed because she couldn't return it. She said she had never heard of the 'tradition' and didn't mean to be rude.
She pushed and pushed. I to,d my now husband she would have to be uninvited if she couldn't honor one simple request. She was uninvited and shocked.
She put pressure on my husband to come to the wedding and wear the dress because she had not heard of not wearing white. She didn't mean to be rude. I told my husband she would embarrass herself, look like she didn't approve of me, and lastly to think about the wedding photos. I said if he wanted to spend all that money on wedding photos only to have it 'look like a double wedding' then I would ultimately make peace with the idea. After all she is really only embarrassing herself and looking petty.
She didn't wear the dress and looked lovely at our wedding.
In this day and age with plenty of consignment shops and eBay, the future MIL can sell it if she can't return it.
If she shows up in white, the bride should let it go and feel sad for her MIL for looking so petty.

This is on the DM today

Well this is all over the daily twat, yesterday AND today, they are having a mn field day atm.

I have never heard of this being an issue. Why would you care? Surely it will be obvious you're the bride? It really doesn't matter.

Maybe a better approach would have been "are you getting a bright hat/fascinator & bag ? So youre not all white ,.." ....but no, white and full length is not the done thing at all.

Not just white, not just full length, it's a wedding dress from the bridal range....

OP, you need to come back under a benign ID with a post that sounds as boring as batshit then message us all to tell us simply so we can find out how it all went down. Most importantly, does she end up with a fascinator/pill box hat and veil and was any cake throwing involved?

Bugger off would you kindly Mamamia. I see our serious journalists here in Aus on MM have as usual got no other crap to poach as the main forum in Aus for juicy stories they're not allowed near and are using their usual source of journalist integrity in the DM naturally so seems your wedding is becoming a bit of an international shindig.

I hope you haven't got any guests coming from Aus OP

Fwiw when I married my now ex-h then thankfully I didn't have the issue of ex-mil doing this (and being her youngest son I bet she would have) as solved all the headaches of dealing with actual wedding stuff by doing it on the sly with only a couple of people there, a white slip style dress I found that morning on sale for $10 as I'd realised at the last minute I probably should actually wear something over my bikini and being a hot Sydney summer then bugger shoes, I went barefoot.

I did have some class thank you very much, I at least painted my toenails blood red
But made it so much easier as then we just strolled on down to the beach for a swim (near Bondi) and then the pub.

Now ex-mil didn't actually know until a friend let it slip. Now THAT was an interesting phone call, all I can say is thank fuck we were two states away from her.
Wish she was now.

I call DH that by habit, we aren't actually married (he'd like to be) as I don't do weddings. Trust me, I quite simply do not want to be related (even just by marriage) to his parents as 15 yrs since we've met we still can't get rid of my ex-mil, I think I would go a wee bit insane with two like that.
But then DH agrees there so I think I'm safe. Besides, I'm pretty sure the only reason he's still so keen on the whole marriage thing now is because he can then get rid of their name and take mine, that's always been a rare thing we agree on.

But heck, even I'd find a new MIL buying her dress from the bridal section a bit disturbing...

that is a very well known rule and i even wrote on my invites that women were not allowed to wear white. It's completely unacceptable..the bride should be the only one in white

Please tell me its not this one

I would have went mental if any of my guests wore a white or Ivory or even light cream dress or outfit to my wedding.
I know many will say it's old and out dated now, but I've always thought that the bride should be the only one in those colours, centre of attention.
Also, surely she will blend in a bit in the photos after, stood next to the bride and all

Does anyone else really want an update from OP? I'm desperate to know what the MIL wore!!!!!

How to tell if you've ended up with a batshit MIL?

What did she feel was reasonable to wear to your wedding?

I sometimes (not very often) think men are lucky - after all they don't have to worry about any of this. At most weddings I've been to the groom, his father and the bride's father, to say nothing of Rabbit and all his (male) friends and relations are wearing exactly the same thing, give or take the odd (some of them very) waistcoat or tie.

I would love to know the outcome!

OP, this is what you need to see:

I had about 7 people in white at my wedding and see loads of people in white at weddings now.

Thankfully it didn't really bother me and one of them privately messaged to ask.

If your not keen say to your mother in law and put on invites?