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Original poster

Future MIL has bought a white outfit for my wedding

380 replies

natalie204 · 30/08/2016 09:49

Mil showed me a photo of her dress and jacket she has bought for our wedding it's beautiful floor length white evening dress and white jacket. But i was brought up to never wear just white/cream to a wedding as a guest. I mentioned that it's not good etiquette to wear all white to a wedding. She was shocked and had never heard this before, my comment has now made things frosty.
I know my family will mention to her on the day how it's not appropriate to be wearing white.
Am i correct or is it just a regional thing (OH and his family are from a different part of the country)

OP posts:

PenelopePitstop24 · 30/08/2016 20:07

The film "monster in law" springs to mind here!!!!!

Future MIL has bought a white outfit for my wedding

PuntCuffin · 30/08/2016 20:13

I can think of one occasion when much younger that I inadvertently broke this rule that I did not know about. It was a 20's themed wedding. I was a student and couldn't afford a new outfit but I did have an ivory faux silk 20's/flapper style evening dress from a uni party. In my defence, I had a plum coloured jacket and scarf over it until the dancing started.

GrandMarmoset · 30/08/2016 20:20

Outrageous. She will make a dreadful fool of herself.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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theelectricmichaelangelo · 30/08/2016 21:01

I have heard of the rule but I think it's a silly rule personally - people should be able to wear what they like! Rules can be broken!

What's important here is the intention - if she was shocked then maybe that was because she sincerely didn't know the silly wedding etiquette rule and was hoping for a more positive response from you on what appears to be a beautiful dress and jacket. Perhaps your approval actually means something to her? She showed you in advance after all!
Then when you made your comment she now feels awkward. Perhaps she hadn't intended to offend or upset you.

I would just have an honest conversation with her, tell her it's a beautiful dress and you think she will look stunning in it and you hope your comment didn't make her feel bad - it's just you had been brought up with a specific tradition.

It's not as if it's an ex girlfriend and even if it was then why be so insecure when it's you that's marrying him. And the guests know that too.

And as for saying your family will make comments- well that's a great way to escalate things even more! So go right ahead if you'd like a full on family feud that lasts for years if you like all over a silly outfit at a wedding.

If you really think she is doing this to upstage you and hasn't taken to you- well perhaps you could respond with the opposite in kind- ie just be totally lovely and graceful and caring. You never know- she might then react differently herself.

GirlOutNumbered · 30/08/2016 21:03

I had never heard of it and I wore a very short, tight white dress to a friends wedding. No one actually said anything, but I just felt stupid being in a white dress. Never again!

smileygrapefruit · 30/08/2016 21:09

Sorry, haven't rtft but my mil wore HER WEDDING DRESS to our wedding! (Her 2nd wedding, informal affair, knee length dress but most definitely white and most definitely what she wore for her wedding) Now that was weird!

user7755 · 30/08/2016 21:24

You win the thread Smiley

smileygrapefruit · 30/08/2016 21:26

Haha user sorry I should probably have started a new thread with that gem

TwistNshout · 30/08/2016 21:31

Definite no! As a guest, my first assumption would be that she was deliberately trying to upstage the bride in that outfit. No sane MIL would think that outfit appropriate.

sleeponeday · 30/08/2016 22:04

Oh wow, Smiley I thought FIL took the biscuit when he re-used the wedding ring from his ended-in-divorce marriage to my MIL to marry his lovely GF recently. But yours is worse, in the marital oddness stakes.

LollipopLover · 30/08/2016 22:18

Can i just ask OP would you have been as miffed if your OWN mother had chosen this outfit?
Is it because it is his mother?
I do think in the grand scheme of things you really do need to pick your battles lovey...your getting married!!! If you think mil would understand you could try explaining why you feel like you do and suggest you maybe go shopping together for sone colourful accessories....
If not i would definitely have a quiet word in your familys ear you don't want anyone to feel awkward on your big day,remember it is a huge day for her and your mum too they are both seeing you 'fly the coop' be gentle x

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 31/08/2016 01:38

Why? Assuming it wasn't the full blown meringue and veil affair what on earth is the big deal about wearing a white knee length dress ?

I'm guessing it was probably expensive and she felt good in it. Why is that a big drama?

It used to be normal to re-wear wedding dresses. If you were rich you had it remodelled as the ball gown for the first year of your marriage (see Edith Wharton's The Age of Innocence) for ordinary people it became your best dress.

The wear once only meringue is a 20th century phenomenon.

I wore a black velvet dress which I wore afterwards.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 31/08/2016 01:40

as long as there isn't the Middleton risk of the bridesmaid making it clear that the bride looks like a toilet roll cover, I wouldn't worry

diddl · 31/08/2016 09:15

I'm with Lass, I also couldn't see the big deal in MIL wearing that dress again.

woowoowoo · 31/08/2016 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 31/08/2016 12:39

I'm with Lass, I also couldn't see the big deal in MIL wearing that dress again.

I think it depends.

If it's a dress that she's used several times For Best over the years that's okay. If her son's wedding is the first outing this dress has seen since her own wedding, well that's weird as fuck quite frankly.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 31/08/2016 15:42

It's on the Daily Fail

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2016 15:44

Only to be expected. Tomorrows Wright stuff perhaps?

clam · 31/08/2016 16:21

Fucking Daily Mail. Again!!!!
Do their "reporters" ever do their own fucking research?

smileygrapefruit · 31/08/2016 16:22

Yes squoosh, it was it's only other outing. I fail to see how it's not slightly strange however, like I said, didn't really bother me on the day.

bearleftmonkeyright · 31/08/2016 16:24

( . ) ( . )

incognitomode · 31/08/2016 16:28

No no, it is flaunting tits if it is the daily mail.

bearleftmonkeyright · 31/08/2016 16:30

Thank goodness for the etiquette topic it's always good to know when to flaunt and when to flash.

Lweji · 31/08/2016 16:43

I'd expect the DM readers to be more upset if you flash a burka.

Fanjolena · 31/08/2016 16:59

One of the commenters on the daily mail says her mother in law turned up at the airport for her honeymoon! I think OP is getting off lightly in comparison

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