I'm documenting my journey to try and recover from an eating disorder over the year. I know I'm not alone in this struggle, so thought I'd share my experiences.
ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Join the discussion and meet other Mumsnetters on our free online chat forum.
Chat
Eating Disorder Recovery
999 replies
OhIFellOff · 18/03/2014 16:47
OP posts:
Sleepwhenidie ·
07/04/2014 22:01
I'm fine thanks fighting DC's off school, lazy day indoors today (fun, in between the bickering 
, the weather was so terrible. Well done for going to the gym, the news about Peaches is so tragic and shocking, my heart hurts at the thought of what her dad and husband must be going through and how life without a mum will be for those poor children 
. When do you see your counsellor next? Do your sessions help with the depression?
FightingBed2014 ·
07/04/2014 22:37
Your day sounds pretty chilled (as much as it can be in holidays ). I see the counsellor on the 17th I think. Normally every two weeks at the moment but they are on holiday next week. Yes, I do find it's a massive help. I'm glad I started it. I dont feel as bad tonight, but there is still a dull edge to everything.
FightingBed2014 ·
08/04/2014 09:08
It definitely makes a difference. Sounds like your day is off to a good start.x
JokersGiggle ·
08/04/2014 11:04
I cab honestly say I've had the best week in possibly a year!
Started let Wednesday with a trip to the beach which made me relax then I conquered my fear of highs by going to the top of spinnaker tower!!!!
Then just really chilled out week. Done lots of home baking and cooking. Had friends over for dinner and they loved my cooking for once food was something to bond over. I spent ages in the kitchen and it was worth it!
helps that my partner is being really affectionate. It was our anniversary st the weekend and jr isn't too stressed st work at the momeb
Am looking forward to seeing mirand hart this Saturday
FightingBed2014 ·
08/04/2014 12:59
Thanks Sleep I appreciate the offer. Had a friend round this morning and I feel much more myself. So hopefully it's just isolation taking it's toll. Not too many more spots to go before we're out and about.
Jokers Your week sounds fantastic. Really happy for you. So glad you enjoyed the cooking too.x
Well after 110 messages on this thread I have only just realised the reason the link to my blog didn't work at first. I typed it wrong!
. Good job the last one did work So typical of me! I'm chuckling to myself now.
FightingBed2014 ·
08/04/2014 13:11
purple I wouldn't say your message was rambling at all. All made perfect sense to me.
I think sometimes with things like cigarettes it's good to have those little lapses where you are then repulsed by how bad it tastes/ smells etc. (not so much the 'shit I smoked a pack of 10 last night' kind 
) My last one was like that. I felt so rough afterwards I haven't touched or been tempted since. Mind you the hang over from hell probably contributed.
Don't feel bad about crying. You're storing up a lot of emotions and they will come out somewhere. It's probably preferable for them, compared to usual agitated and angry people trying not to smoke. There a support service, so all part of the job.
I wish I had advice ref how your feeling with the clothes etc. But since we are in the same place, I can offer a virtual hug instead.
Try not to think about the holiday too much in a negative light. Maybe try focus on the quality family time im trying to do that. I know I regret in the past when feeling low, avoiding photos. but I end up with hardly any of me and the kids. I miss that and I want them to see us together looking back. All your kids will see looking back is Mum and that will make them smile. Hang onto that if you can. I will be going not long after you, so I do understand your worries.xxx
Sleepwhenidie ·
08/04/2014 14:16
Not rambling at all Purple. Well done with quitting smoking, you should be so proud of yourself....the crying is good too, why should certain emotions - sadness, frustration or anger for example, be hidden or suppressed when happiness etc is ok to express? One is no less valid than the other, it's part of being human to be emotional. Too often ED's link back to someone not expressing or coping with 'negative' emotions (and then slip over into even the positive ones too...ever binged when something happy has happened and thought WTF? )
Great that you went for a walk as well, did you enjoy it? Definitely don't suffer through running if it's hurting your knees, running is highly stressful on everyone's joints, if you know it's even harder when you are heavier it's not worth risking the long term damage. Build up to it gradually if it's something you enjoy, often our cardiovascular fitness is better than that of our muscles and joints and that's when we can cause injuries, especially when starting/restarting exercise - particularly high impact kinds. Any other exercise/activity that you have ever enjoyed or fancied trying? I really believe the kind that has the best effect on our body, mood and appearance if the one that we enjoy and makes us feel great - not necessarily the one that burns most calories.
Re the photo thing....read this
Jokers so glad you had a great week. It sounds like food could turn into a really positive hobby for you, fantastic! Come and take a look at the Eat Better thread maybe, no diets, just a bunch of us eating for health and sharing recipe ideas etc. I think you'd like it too Americas, a couple of vegetarians there and I think one vegan .
FightingBed2014 ·
08/04/2014 15:14
I did find this year, that getting rid of the boxes of clothes I had that no longer fit, was a big relief. I no longer had a box of punishment there reminding me of 'failure'. I slowly replaced them with new items (DC eat our money ) that I liked. I get more satisfaction from wearing them regularly and I look tidier for it. I have to accept that I'm this size and working on it. If I lose the weight, I can get rid of bigger clothes and get new smaller ones. You may find it helps?x
Sleepwhenidie ·
08/04/2014 15:58
You are right Fighting, in the vein of acceptance that you talk about, I may have said this before but I think too often when we want to lose weight, we have an idea in our head of how great life will be when we reach that magic number on the scales...but a lot of the time we get there only to find we still don't like our body and life hasn't really changed much at all. A more effective approach to try may be to live now as if you are that 'perfect' weight...be in photos, go to parties the bigger you would have avoided, wear lovely clothes, care for your body with nutritious food and pamper yourself with beauty products...sort of fake it til you make it .
JokersGiggle ·
09/04/2014 23:01
Just had a massive argument with dp over mini golf of all things!
He went out with mates straight after work so I texted "have a good time lovely xxx will you eat with the guys or would you like me to whip up something you can re-heat?? see ya later xxxxx" he texted back that he'd eat out, I said ok xxx. Then I didn't text anymore so I didn't sound like a clingy woman or bother him.
He Just came in furious that I had punished him for going out by giving him the silent treatment! Yelling and swearing ect.
Yes, originally I didn't want him to go. Hes going to be doing extra shifts so I won't see him much in the next week and a half. But he was adamant he was going so I accepted it.
I told him I was trying to stay out of the way of his time with his mates and that if I was that angry with him why would I offer to cook for him!
then he slammed into the Bathroom for a shower. Then slammed into the bedroom.
Feel like i'm being punished for trying to be considerate and nice I don't normally text much when he's with mates anyway so it's not like I changed my behaviour
Can't decide if I want to wait an hour then creep into the bed or just sleep on the sofa (thank God i'm only 5'2"!)
feeling really sad now. And I know tomorrow i'm going to be tired from a bad nights sleep.Can just feel that my row of good days has come to an end.
Really messed up the evening but don't know how I managed it
Sleepwhenidie ·
09/04/2014 23:11
You didn't mess up jokers, your DP has, by misunderstanding (how 
!) your text, or because he is, quite frankly, being an arse...possibly both. Your point about offering to cook is bang on, no wonder he flounced, there is no answer to give to argue with it. Hold your ground, sleep where you want to sleep, but he needs to apologise, not you.
JokersGiggle ·
09/04/2014 23:17
Think I'll take the sofa tonight. If I try to get into bed and he tells me to go or leaves the bed himself I'll feel even worse. Can't take rejection
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Sleepwhenidie ·
09/04/2014 23:22
Bloody hell, would he do that? Over such a stupid argument? What is your relationship like generally?
JokersGiggle ·
10/04/2014 08:03
It's totally out of character for him which I think is what upset me most.
He's normally calm snd affectionate
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.