Eating Disorder Recovery

[OhIFellOff]

I'm documenting my journey to try and recover from an eating disorder over the year. I know I'm not alone in this struggle, so thought I'd share my experiences.

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

[FightingBed2014]

How has everyone's week been?

[Perfectlypurple]

Not good for me. Bad week and very stressed so that doesn't help.

Hoping everyone else had a good week.

[FightingBed2014]

sorry to hear that purple. have you got anything on this weekend to help pick you up a bit?

[Perfectlypurple]

Unfortunately not fighting am working tomorrow. Hoping to have a couple of good days Monday and Tuesday with the exercise. Then I will feel better about things. It's just a blip. I will be fine when I get my head sorted. I just have lots going on and had lots of bad news this week.

[FightingBed2014]

hopefully you can talk to people in RL. If not feel free to pm me.sending you a hug.

[Perfectlypurple]

Thank you. I tend to withdraw when I feel like this. I find it easier somehow. I know that I just need a week of good eating and exercise then I will feel I am on track.

[FightingBed2014]

I can understand that reaction. It's what I do too. It does sound positive that you have plans in place for time ahead though.

[Sleepwhenidie]

Here's an idea to try when stressed and feeling the need to binge...choose it - part of overcoming the compulsion is recognising that even though it is an unwanted habit, it serves you. If your coping mechanism is to binge and you are going to do it anyway, by changing your approach from fighting it and feeling guilty afterwards, own the need to binge and do it consciously...it can remove a lot of the power in the compulsion if you sort of make it your friend. From there you can work towards choosing other methods of dealing with stress/emotion. Does that sound worth a try?

[Perfectlypurple]

I will try sleep.

Stupidly got on the scales this morning so have kind of hit rock bottom. I have to go to work later so trying to pull myself together but it's not easy.

I have to try and stop thinking that being overweight makes me worthless. I need a new brain!!!

[Sleepwhenidie]

Think about what you admire and value in other people purple, I'm betting it's not the size of their jeans or how little they eat? Why then, would you think about yourself in those terms ? Try and find a kinder voice to counter the self critical one. As for scales-I hate them. If I'm feeling 'up' and healthy and expect to see a certain number then it spoils the mood/next few hours/day - if I'm feeling heavy and rubbish a lower number than expected doesn't change that, a higher one makes it worse. What on earth is the point in giving that much power to a number on a machine . It means nothing, is no measure of value, attractiveness or health.

What people, things, activities would you say 'light you up', make you feel happy, relaxed, comforted?

[Perfectlypurple]

You are right, I don't judge people by their size or weight so I don't know why I do it to myself.

I enjoy baking and making themed cakes luckily my binge foods are savoury and I don't eat cake but that can be costly and trying to save money as facing redundancy. I love to read and I do that a lot but finding it hard to get pleasure in anything else.

Tomorrow I am going to get on the treadmill and do a little bit. I have to avoid going too far and over exercising.

I tried getting rid of the scales but that didn't work for me. I need to feel accountable to myself.

Hopefully I will get a good start to the week and will start to feel more positive.

[Sleepwhenidie]

Could you walk outside Purple? Anywhere nice near you? Often being out in nature can be better at lifting the spirits than exercise indoors. It sounds from the cake making thing that you are really creative-any other things in that vein that have ever appealed to you?

The main things that get people 'back into their body' (as opposed to living in your head when you hate your body and are battling with food and body) tend to be spiritual, creative or physical. Just being in nature can be spiritual in itself, combined with physical exertion (gentle or otherwise) it can be fantastic. Creative expression (art, music, dance, writing, whether you are participating or enjoying others participating) is also amazing for healing.

[Perfectlypurple]

I live in Devon so lots of lovely places for walks. I should make myself do it instead of hiding at home all the time.

[Sleepwhenidie]

Try it, the effort the first few times may be tough but hopefully the pay off will soon make it feel easy . Get your raincoat and wellies on if the weather is rubbish, enjoy getting wet and coming back to a nice cup of tea and a hot bath and body lotion etc!

[Perfectlypurple]

I was going to go on the treadmill tomorrow but I might go for a long walk instead.

[Sleepwhenidie]

Great idea...you could even go for half an hour today ?

[Perfectlypurple]

No time today. I start work soon.

[Sleepwhenidie]

Tomorrow then . Let us know how it goes.

[Perfectlypurple]

I will. Thank you.

[FightingBed2014]

how was work purple?

[Perfectlypurple]

Still at work now. Feel uncomfortable as my uniform tight. Anyway, I have realised that I am not going to get to the weight I wanted by my holiday in 10 weeks so I have decided that this time I am going to give myself a year to lose the weight I want. The lack of pressure will hopefully mean that I won't go crazy with food restriction and over exercising. So if I want a night out with dh or friends I can do it without getting in a panic.
I realised that the unrealistic expectations I put on myself is the main problem. If I can stop that then it should help.

[FightingBed2014]

That sounds like a really great plan. I'm sure as you say, the lack of pressure will do wonders. It would be great to know why we feel this way about ourselves wouldn't it. As Sleep mentioned, we wouldn't apply the same thoughts to others. Huge hugs for taking time out for you and taking positive steps. It can't have been easy for you to think about.x

[Sleepwhenidie]

I think that's a great decision Purple, put the focus on health and nourishing yourself (nutritionally, spiritually and physically) rather than on the weight loss which should then follow...it will take longer than a restrictive diet but you will be making sustainable and healthy changes that will be easy to live with long term and allow you to enjoy life without food/weight dominating your thoughts and energy.

[Sleepwhenidie]

Hi, how is everyone today? Anyone else got DC's off school for Easter?