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Original poster

Eating Disorder Recovery

999 replies

OhIFellOff · 18/03/2014 16:47

I'm documenting my journey to try and recover from an eating disorder over the year. I know I'm not alone in this struggle, so thought I'd share my experiences.

ellechapmanblog.wordpress.com

OP posts:
FightingBed2014 · 16/04/2014 22:26

oh Jokers, sorry I didn't see this before. Is M home? x

Perfectlypurple · 16/04/2014 22:35

Hand holding jokers

JokersGiggle · 16/04/2014 22:39

He's on a.night shift. Won't be back til 7.30 ish Sad and he can't just leave work. He's asked and boss said no.
keep trying to remind myself that i've spotted before. But it's always ended in the end so it's not like I've got a happily ever after to remember.

JokersGiggle · 16/04/2014 22:39

No pain which is good. I think.

Sleepwhenidie · 16/04/2014 22:43

Here with everything crossed for you jokers xxxx

FightingBed2014 · 16/04/2014 22:43

Could you maybe contact a midwife at local surgery tomorrow, perhaps get referred to EPAU? For peace of mind. Hand hold here too.xx

JokersGiggle · 17/04/2014 06:58

The problem is that I dint want any scans. If I see it then loose it it's so much harder.
The last time I spotted I just got told it's common and as there is no medical reason why I keep MC that each of my pregnancies will be treated as a normal one, not a high risk one.
dp spoken to a gyn consultant in the night and he's basically said that even if I'm starting to MC them knowing won't make any difference as they can't treat it so not much point in putting me through seeing it on a scan.
I've told berry that I love it and just going to snuggle in bed with dp today.

FightingBed2014 · 17/04/2014 07:23

snuggles sound like a wonderful idea Jokers.x

JokersGiggle · 17/04/2014 07:27

I will introduce you to my peter pan group (they'll never grow up)
Bean lost at 11w4d
Cherry lost at 7w approx
Elf lost at 9w6d
submarine, name changed to marine after the tough soldiers once we made it to 12 weekscan. Lost at 15w3d

JokersGiggle · 17/04/2014 08:28

Think spotting has stopped. I hope

FightingBed2014 · 17/04/2014 08:35

They are wonderful names for your babies, forever held in your heart.x

Perfectlypurple · 17/04/2014 09:00

Hope you are doing ok jokers

JokersGiggle · 17/04/2014 09:06

We were going to give proper names as we didn't like calling them "it" but decided on little nicknames instead. That way they have an identity.
So far no spotting since 4am Smile

FightingBed2014 · 17/04/2014 09:32

That's really good news Jokers.xx

Perfectlypurple · 17/04/2014 21:16

How are you doing jokers ?

JokersGiggle · 17/04/2014 21:58

Spotting hasn't returned. spent most of the day sleeping with dp. He made me sausages, potato cakes and grilled tomatoes and mushrooms for brunch, snacked on some chillis and had some toast and chillis for a light tea.
Couldn't really face much today.
But I'll get back on the eating plan tomorrow.
Dp working another night shift but will be home for the next few days and nights.
I'm keeping busy by reading my "special book" - the little white horse by Elizabeth goudge. And cuddling my dog who's named after a character in the book Smile I'm certain my good little boy know when I'm pregnant before I do. He get protective and gets angry if anyone other than dh touches me and won't leave my side. Shame he can't tell me if I'm about to MC, but he's been a great support when I have been MCing.

Perfectlypurple · 17/04/2014 22:40

So glad the spotting hasn't returned. Your DP sounds lovely.

Sleepwhenidie · 17/04/2014 22:42

Smile Jokers - so glad.

Fighting how are you? Better day today?

JokersGiggle · 18/04/2014 08:24

How's everyone today? X

Perfectlypurple · 18/04/2014 08:34

Meeting my mum and dad for lunch today. Actually have a bank holiday off for once but DH is working.

My eating/weight has got out of control really. It's scared me how much really. I have been trying different things and really the only thing that works for me is calorie counting. So I am going back to that tomorrow. Will weigh mmyself in the morning cry for a while then just get back to the good eating. This time though I am going to have less carbs as my old calorie counting involved a lot of carbs. Will also stick to the full fat food as I need to stay away from the artificial sweetners.

Still giving myself a year at a pound a week really. I know it will be a bit more at the start but it will even out.
I am not going to reduce my calorie allowance too much either - at least I will try not to and also going to stop measuring how many calories I burn when I exercise as that sends me into over obsessed mode! I will try to stop expecting to much of myself.

I am also going to go and buy a few new tops in my current size so I have more to wear and don't have the pressure of needing to lose quickly so I have more to wear.

FightingBed2014 · 18/04/2014 10:29

I am here ladies, in yhe car going to see my Dad. I get car sick if I type / read too much. but will pop in when I can. I will post more when time allows, but the last couple of days have not been good at all nut mire because of environment and treatment. Had a few lighbulb moments as to hiw I ended up this way. quute sad really. but at least I can use it to get better.
jokers glad your doing well. Purple, I hope your meet up goes ok. huge hugs.xx

JokersGiggle · 18/04/2014 10:43

Hope everyone has a good day. Thank you all for your support, your great friends and I'm lucky to have you in my life.

FightingBed2014 · 18/04/2014 10:57

ditto jokers, its great to have you guys. funny isn't it, we don't even know where we all are. Mumsnet rocks.x

Perfectlypurple · 18/04/2014 18:37

Had a lovely lunch with my parents. Then I have spent the afternoon making a list of calories and carbs in most of the foods I eat. I have decided to have more carbs but good carbs as when I did low carbing I just didn't have the energy to exercise. I am going to aim for less than 100g of carbs a day so doing the calorie counting will mean I have to make healthier choices like fruit and veg instead of, say a cereal bar. It's a pain weighing and measuring everything but it's the only way I can stop the binges.

When I am 'good' and calorie count if I have a planned 'day off' the diet I am fine and just go with it without a binge. It's the non planned days I have a problem with.

I am hoping for at least a stone off in the next 8 weeks. Then I will be happy with a slower loss.

I have tomorrow's menu planned. Going to try wheatgerm bread for a sandwich. I love white bread but know that is bad carbs sp will avoid that as much as possible.

Have also written out the days in my food diary for the rest of the month to get me started. Have got a journal too as I find that writing down how I am doing is a big help.

Anyway, how's everyone's day been?

JokersGiggle · 18/04/2014 18:46

Glad you've had a good day Smile
I've found planning meals really helps me as well. If you look up recipes on the internet some have a nutrition break-Down so you don't need to do all the math. Some also give vitamin guides too which is great if your looking for the most nutrient Rich option.