Do I have to invite the child my son is scared of?

[Fireplaces]

Hi, hope you can help. DS will be 6 soon and is having a party at a local play barn centre.All autumn term, DS would come home and tell me almost every day about the behaviour of another boy in the class, let's call him Alex.

Alex's behaviour ranged from spitting at the teacher to just shouting out during reading time. But then became hurting other children eg pulling hair, hitting, pinching. The teacher said to me that Alex was volatile and that DS should take care when playing with him. At that stage DS was still happy to play with Alex.

Just before Christmas though, Alex came over to DS in the playground, pushed him over and then "pulled him along the ground til he cried". It was witnessed etc and put in the book etc.

My issue now is that DS wants to invite all 30 kids in his class to his party, but not Alex. He says it because he is afraid that Alex will hurt someone and spoil the party. He is also scared of Alex now.

I am very aware that you can't invite the whole class apart from one child, but what are my options? I am not worried about the 'tea' part as that's in a small room where I can keep an eye out, but the first hour is in a massive play barn is massive with lots of places that are hidden from immediate adult view eg high up tunnels, sensory room. And there will be one teenager plus me supervising.

Alex has not been diagnosed with any condition or special educational need. I am a bit at a loss of how to deal with it. If I tell DS we have to invite Alex, he won't want to have a party at all. Help!

Jesus, he is fucking 6.

I'm glad the OP at least has noticed the more moderate, "considered" posts and they've helped her plan a good party for her ds and all the children she's inviting - and with reasonable consideration for other children and families too.
As so often seems to happen the moderate voice does seem to get a bit drowned out in the party bun-fight!

I can't believe droves that you are equating a 6 year old who is getting into fights in school with a wife beater.

It's beyond.

Bloody hell.

Where did I say invite everyone but him ?

I said dont invite him .

You have a whole class party or you don't. You don't leave out one child.

If you did that the whole school would think you are an arsehole.

OP is doing the right thing.

At 6 protecting my child would come first and showing him that if someone is unkind to you, you have every right not to put up with it.

If a mother confronted me I'd tell her that my son doesn't like her son because of such and such an incident and is frightened of him and leave it at that.

Ffs , of course it isnt the same , ..but studies have shown that violent adults started off as violent children .

Some children grow out of it , some dont.

Either way its not nice for the children alex is hitting . They are also 6 . They dont have the ability to undertand why , they just see someone hitting and hurting them .

Would you invite someone in your house if they scared YOU?

I really can't believe parents would exclude one child from a class. To me that is way worse than what any child could possibly do to another child. I am glad you have done what you are doing.

I have 5 children, the youngest is experiencing behavioural issues. He is going through the assessment process. I would be so hurt if I knew he had been deliberately excluded from something so I could never do that to another child no matter how bad their behaviour was.

People frequently invite people to events despite not particularly liking them, or even disliking them, because it's the right thing to do, differentnameforthis.

It's a parent's role to help their child develop in every sense, including learning basic human decency.

Droves - you have repeatedly said exclude him, you haven't anywhere suggested that the party is made smaller in order to not invite him without it being so pointed. Many many other posters have suggested this and you haven't agreed with one of them - it isn't unreasonable in the circumstances to assume you meant exclude him and invite everyone else.

Stop bringing asd + sn into this .

The violent child is not sn.

I have actually seen mri and eegs tests .I know what asd does.

Im not saying all violent children will grow up psycotic . Stop it.

My priority would be protecting my own child . I would not invite a violent child ever , as I wouldnt want to risk my child being harmed . Its not about being nasty , its about looking after my child ..making sure my child feels protected .

When I comes down to it ...we protect our own .

Kew , someone also suggested I didnt have a sn child myself , and checked my history . Doesnt mean anything if I dont express an opinion on that either .

So because I did not say reduce party numbers I must be pointedly being nasty .
Wow.

I didnt realise you can get flamed for what you dont say .

Maryz , explain why you think having a dysfunctional family is the same as a child having special needs ?

Its not . Special needs is the new term for what used to be called disabled /mentally disabled .

I have empthy for Ops child , and and the others who are being hit .

Do I feel sorry foe children who have horrible home lives ? Yes I do , i ve more than proven that in RL . But does that mean I will facilitate their use of my kids as their personal punching bags ? No .

Rule is you can't invite the whole class and leave out just one person or even two or three. It's mean. So you will have to cut the numbers down by quite a lot if you are intending not to invite certain children.