Do I have to invite the child my son is scared of?

[Fireplaces]

Hi, hope you can help. DS will be 6 soon and is having a party at a local play barn centre.All autumn term, DS would come home and tell me almost every day about the behaviour of another boy in the class, let's call him Alex.

Alex's behaviour ranged from spitting at the teacher to just shouting out during reading time. But then became hurting other children eg pulling hair, hitting, pinching. The teacher said to me that Alex was volatile and that DS should take care when playing with him. At that stage DS was still happy to play with Alex.

Just before Christmas though, Alex came over to DS in the playground, pushed him over and then "pulled him along the ground til he cried". It was witnessed etc and put in the book etc.

My issue now is that DS wants to invite all 30 kids in his class to his party, but not Alex. He says it because he is afraid that Alex will hurt someone and spoil the party. He is also scared of Alex now.

I am very aware that you can't invite the whole class apart from one child, but what are my options? I am not worried about the 'tea' part as that's in a small room where I can keep an eye out, but the first hour is in a massive play barn is massive with lots of places that are hidden from immediate adult view eg high up tunnels, sensory room. And there will be one teenager plus me supervising.

Alex has not been diagnosed with any condition or special educational need. I am a bit at a loss of how to deal with it. If I tell DS we have to invite Alex, he won't want to have a party at all. Help!

Sensible choice OP for lots of reasons! Hope your ds has a lovely time.

Good plan op. I hope your ds has lovely party and RL gets kinder got you x

Well done, Fireplaces I hope that your DS really enjoys his party, and that your RL circumstances improve.

Mistress DeeCee...people with children with sN are allowed to relate their experiences. What a bitchy thing to say. People should be free ti disvuss what they want from a topic including their own experiences and you shouldn't make digs about it. If people have had children left out of prties than thank your lucky stars you hvent and be a bit more sensitive.

Op..you have done the right thing. Glad you didn't leave just one child out :)

Apologies for shocking typing. Am not drinking at this time, honestly.

Totally agree Fanjo.

Sensible decision OP - hope the party goes well.

And Maryz's point about would you do this to a group of adults is a fair one. Would you really invite every person at work except one? I couldn't bring myself to however horrible they were, but obviously some people could.

I would normally advocate an 'all or nothing' approach ie invite the whole class. But from what you're describing I would invite all but Alex. It's your ds's birthday. He needs to enjoy it.

Great, I'm so glad you're able to go forwards with such a simple solution (but can be difficult to think of at first)
I hope your DS has a very Happy Birthday party

onwards - my child isn't that child (who is excluded) but has one in his class who is violent, no SN as far as I'm aware but probably not having the easiest time at home.

I would never invite all but one of a class because its an unpleasant thing to do - the difference to any child of having 15 people at their party or 29 is surely negligible. DS has always been thrilled with his parties and I have in the past had to explain to him that it isn't kind to invite everyone except one boy. Posters trying to imply that if this child comes or if he isn't allowed to do exactly what he wants and have 29 of his class there or his birthday will be a disaster is an over-reaction. AS the OP has shown there is more than one way to skin a cat.

I have said to DS "How you feel is the most important thing in the world to me, but I'm sure we can find a way to make you happy without making others feel miserable". I'm kinda hoping that learning that you can be happy without being mean (even to people who are mean to you) will help him avoid becoming that child who is bullied and later becomes the bully.

Sorry onwards that whole post wasn;t directed at you just the first para - that its not only paretns of excluded children who advocate not to do it.

Another benefit is that you won't end up with THIRTY craft kits / tiny plastic toys afterwards...

(FWIW, if you were inviting the whole class, of course Alex has to be invited - and everyone might get a surprise as to how he behaves out of school - but with a word to his mother that a parent needs to remain with him at the party because your two have had the odd run-in in the playground and you wouldn't want a scrap at the party. he gets to go, his mother is aware there's an issue and can keep an eye. A small child doesn't end up saying in years time that they were never invited to any birthday parties and they don't know why)

Aarrrgggghhh .

MARYZ . Change your name to Saintmaryz .
I will change mine to drovesisabitch .

Happier ?

Glad youve been the perfect parent for 20 years .

Not everyone shares your opinions , but thats ok .Your entitled to yours and same as Im entitled to mine and everyone else their own.

How is not inviting a violent 6 year old , being deliberatly nasty ?

Its not .

Punching another person is deliberatly nasty .

Excluding just one child from a class if thirty is nasty. If you can't see that then I don't know what to say.

He is SIX droves.

Polishes Maryz halo.

Go look at abusive relationship threads ... do these people who hit their partners suddenly wake up one day and decide to hit. No
Its gradual worsening of behaviour.

Violent children who are unchecked grow into violent adults .

Its not nasty if you dont want to be around a violent person .

If the cap fits....