Do I have to invite the child my son is scared of?

[Fireplaces]

Hi, hope you can help. DS will be 6 soon and is having a party at a local play barn centre.All autumn term, DS would come home and tell me almost every day about the behaviour of another boy in the class, let's call him Alex.

Alex's behaviour ranged from spitting at the teacher to just shouting out during reading time. But then became hurting other children eg pulling hair, hitting, pinching. The teacher said to me that Alex was volatile and that DS should take care when playing with him. At that stage DS was still happy to play with Alex.

Just before Christmas though, Alex came over to DS in the playground, pushed him over and then "pulled him along the ground til he cried". It was witnessed etc and put in the book etc.

My issue now is that DS wants to invite all 30 kids in his class to his party, but not Alex. He says it because he is afraid that Alex will hurt someone and spoil the party. He is also scared of Alex now.

I am very aware that you can't invite the whole class apart from one child, but what are my options? I am not worried about the 'tea' part as that's in a small room where I can keep an eye out, but the first hour is in a massive play barn is massive with lots of places that are hidden from immediate adult view eg high up tunnels, sensory room. And there will be one teenager plus me supervising.

Alex has not been diagnosed with any condition or special educational need. I am a bit at a loss of how to deal with it. If I tell DS we have to invite Alex, he won't want to have a party at all. Help!

In DD1's case, 1 pediatrician, 1 EEG and 1 MRI, job done. But that was because she had the temerity to fall over for no reason after she was flagged with delays/behavioral issues, then the EEG showed uneven conduction, because (the MRI would go on to reveal) her brain is a bit squiffy.

Some kids actually are just horrible badly behaved violent kids

I don't agree with that. Theres always reasons. Whether its SN, parenting, environment, or something else.

Its understandable you have sympathy towards any 6 year old child .

But my point was where does the sympathy for one child overide the sympathy of his "victim"( im using that word because I dont know what else to use for when one is hit by another ) .

By all means be sympathetic , but truthfully id favour the OPs child on their birthday. Just to let them have one happy day without being hit . If you dont agree with that , then youve got a different opinion .

Your's was a lot more succinct and to the point that mine

That makes a change for me. Normally I use far too many words when just a few will do.

Excluding one from a whole class is horrible.

Invite 20.

Or just ask him and ask his mum to watch him.

I'm sure his mother is well aware that he is having some problems at school and dosent need a kick up the bum to address his behaviour as someone nicely suggested!

Might be your DS left out one year.

Plus with 29 kids, 2 supervising and one of them a teenager I am a bit doubtful anyone is going to have a happy day, sounds like a nightmare to me.

Maryz you brought up my bad spelling , as a point of what ? Then and only then I said im dyslexic .

I stand by my statement that some children are actually just vile . As far as bullies are concerned , I do believe it starts in young children who gradually get worse when not taught not to hit or be horrid to others . I do think they should be taught not to hit , and that there is more harm done by allowing negative behaviour to continue. Not only to their victims , but themselves also .

Saying I have no sympathy ? Thats so far off

But my point was where does the sympathy for one child overide the sympathy of his "victim"( im using that word because I dont know what else to use for when one is hit by another )

It doesn't override it. But you strike a balance don't you. Talk to your child about it. Explain not everyone is the same. Tell them the different reasons why. A 6 year old can understand that. They follow your guidance. See what you can do to improve things for your child and the other child. Try and work it out somehow so that everyones happy. Theres lots of ways to do that so everyone feels ok. It might take a bit or a lot of effort. But thats ok. Its the best thing long term.

OK im crap in that I haven't trawled through whole thread but felt compelled to post. my ds is 6 and had his birthday just over a week ago. pre Xmas holidays he had a party at local hall and whole class was invited. my little boy has high functioning autism and finds some things more challenging, for example we had no birthday cake with everyone singing as it upsets him and does it really matter to make him have it? anyway I transgress. today in his school bag he has an invite to a party (first one this year ). its at a soft play place and I know that the food part will be hard so dh will take ds2 snack pot and if it's too much then he can come home. The invite has asked for parental supervision. I don't know if that is specifically for my son or a general request but I know that ds2 would need one of us there and I'm very glad he's been invited and included. ok he isn't aggressive with other children and his issues are more sensory and anxiety but if he did have issues like that I would really appreciate adults to give understanding rather than exclusion.

Think of it like this - you are having a party... You know someone who has been horrible to you - would you invite them?

You have to work things out in the grown up world don't you. You might be working with someone you struggle with. How do you deal with that? Its about teaching life skills to your children which will help them as they grow. School is like the work place but with immature little minds.

Back to the OP.

OP, As you say in your OP it is not on to invite the whole class except Alex. I also think inviting 'most' the class would be harsh on those left out. If I were you I would get your DS to choose about 15 kids. That is plenty for a party.

Did anyone notice the Op said her child is SCARED of Alex. Not that he dislikes alex , but Scared .

Scared infers that Alex has hit him more than once .

Just read back. After reading droves posts I couldn't be arsed to continue. just the terminology in the post about restraining "a self harming autistic" not at all looking at the person but just the 'label'. my ds2 has autism, it's a part of him but there is much more to him. It's like labelling a person with dyslexia as purely dyslexic and not 'bob from Richmond who is a software engineer and enjoys football." iyswim