Do I have to invite the child my son is scared of?

[Fireplaces]

Hi, hope you can help. DS will be 6 soon and is having a party at a local play barn centre.All autumn term, DS would come home and tell me almost every day about the behaviour of another boy in the class, let's call him Alex.

Alex's behaviour ranged from spitting at the teacher to just shouting out during reading time. But then became hurting other children eg pulling hair, hitting, pinching. The teacher said to me that Alex was volatile and that DS should take care when playing with him. At that stage DS was still happy to play with Alex.

Just before Christmas though, Alex came over to DS in the playground, pushed him over and then "pulled him along the ground til he cried". It was witnessed etc and put in the book etc.

My issue now is that DS wants to invite all 30 kids in his class to his party, but not Alex. He says it because he is afraid that Alex will hurt someone and spoil the party. He is also scared of Alex now.

I am very aware that you can't invite the whole class apart from one child, but what are my options? I am not worried about the 'tea' part as that's in a small room where I can keep an eye out, but the first hour is in a massive play barn is massive with lots of places that are hidden from immediate adult view eg high up tunnels, sensory room. And there will be one teenager plus me supervising.

Alex has not been diagnosed with any condition or special educational need. I am a bit at a loss of how to deal with it. If I tell DS we have to invite Alex, he won't want to have a party at all. Help!

I would never invite 30 children to a party, even with that I think I am inviting our 'Alex' to DDs party. She is part of the circle of friends though she is working a reign of terror but she is only little. I will not be inviting the mum though sometimes it is apparent where it is coming from, I will be supervising myself.

Maryz - We need more like you. Thank you so much. That boy will remember you, and your DS, even if you never get his thanks for it.

As a mother of a child that can not cope in school, can not socialise & is excluded due to these things I would get you to think how being excluded would make the child feel...how would you & your child feel if it was your son.

Unfortunately some children don't always get the help & understanding they need!! This doesn't help anyone either!!

Not so much im saving good children as im not pandering to vile behaviour whern it should be discouraged .

Where do you think badly behaved adults come from ? Do they drop out the sky ? Do they suddenly become that way on their 18th birthday ? ? No they start off as badly behaved kids and grow into badly behaved adults .
There isnt always a reason or a cause . Sometimes they just are .

How about protecting the good kids whilts trying to guide the naughty ones to behave kinder ?

Because often the 'naughty' kids are still good kids in many other ways??

"Meanwhile they get excluded and restrained but that's ok because they are naughty and deserve it."

Sorry?? Do you really think that these children deserve to be restrained??

DD1's special school deals with very challenging children. They very rarely have to resort to restraint.

I do hope that was said with a tone of irony that was lost in text??

Dyslexia isnt a sn . Its not even close Maryz . Personal attacks about my dyslexia , because I have a different opinion to you .

And btw my dd has been excluded from parties because of her autism . Even if her twin is invited . Im not some kind of loon who makes it a big deal , we just go do something fun .

A 6yo showing behaviour like this (whether diagnosed SN or not) evidently needs support at school, which is sounds like he's not getting. Actually am shocked that the teacher should just tell you that your ds should just stay away from him, rather than them providing support and help to Alex

How tf would excluding him from a birthday party help with his behaviour? It's not going to make him 'think' about his behaviour and learn a lesson from it - even a completely nt child (whether an aggressive one or not) would not be able to rationalise things like that. It's just a punishment, and a cruel one for both him and his parents, who would certainly know about it.

Fgs it is really not hard to either change the numbers at the party, or invite him with adequate supervision to ensure there are no problems. Why not invite his mum or dad along?

'Bullies' might start young, but so does the attitude of exclusion and isolation, which children learn from their parents. If a 6yo with evident ESB or SN difficulties is expected to change their behaviour without any bloody support, then a nt 6yo can jolly well learn the concept that people who behave differently are still part of our society. My own 6yo ds with asd knows this ffs.

Sad that the MN This is My Child campaign fell on such deaf ears.

Also worth pointing out that I doubt very much that every other of the 29 children in the class are going to behave like perfect angels.

"Meanwhile they get excluded and restrained but that's ok because they are naughty and deserve it."

lougle I read that as ironic, with a face missing.

Offs , restrained ? ?...now your goading . I thought you were being obtuse with me ...now because ive seen you twist someone elses post I know your just being ersy lougle .

Still .... it is NOT the ops responsibility to sort any child but her own .

I had a party for DD1 last month. 27 children in attendance at a soft play, with 18 of them having complex SN, attending special school.

The party host told me that there had been an argument amongst the staff over who would get to host it, because they all wanted to. They then told me that our children were better behaved than children at NT birthday parties.

How is it that one party could have 18 children who have complex needs, with several of them having the potential to get physical, yet this party can't cope with one child who needs more management than the other children?

I wasn't twisting anything, Droves. I was shocked that onwardsandsidewards would think it was ok, but there was nothing that indicated that she was being ironic, etc., so I posted.

"Offs , restrained ? ?...now your goading ."

Eh?? The post said 'Meanwhile they get excluded and restrained.

Why was I goading??

I dont know lougle .... perhaps you felt confident enough to do that .

Just because you can cope with challenging behaviours doesnt mean everyone can ?

I doubt that all 18 kids at your dcs party were hitting each other though .

Im not typing fast enough .... its disrupting the flow ...sorry , dyslexic .

Oh come on ... restrained .... no ones actually going to restrain a 6 year old for hitting ..(. mabey a self harming autistic who self harms during a melt down .) . You must have knew it was restrain the behaviour , not physically restrain the child . Thats why I said goading .

So if im wrong , why does anyone even try to teach their kids right from wrong ?

We could save ourselves hassle by letting them turn feral .

onwards, I hope he's in a much better school now.

I wrote a massive post .. stupid phone deleated it .

Restraining is hard to see and do .I know with dd.
I sympathise . I do . Sometimes its the only way of preventing a Sn child from hurting themselves or others .

This tread isnt about a sn child . Its easy yo suppose these things , orsee them as an explanation of ddifficulties.
But blaming everything on undiscovered special needs is not doing children that actually have sn any good .

Some kids actually are just horrible badly behaved violent kids .

Not everyone of these children actually have a Sn . Diagnosing over internet , children that you have never met .. how many qualified peadiatritions did you meet with before your child was diagnosed ? How long did it take ?
Many sn kids can be difficult , some are angelic . Just like some nt kids .

Why is it hard to accept some kids are just not nice ?