Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Some family children invited to child free wedding-but not mine.

138 replies

EmeraldJeanie · 03/12/2013 13:56

Hello,
Too scared to put this in AIBU but I have been invited to a family wedding.
My sister's children have been invited to the wedding as of course are the bride and grooms children. Bride and groom siblings children are invited. My children are not. [Sister is closer to bride and groom than me but we have all known each other all our lives and see each other at least once a year]. So my two children will be the only cousins not invited. Apart from children listed wedding will be 'child free'.

I am very upset and am planning to decline invitation politely, without stating the reason and still wishing them a great day. People will know why though as I cried at Sunday lunch over it in front of my parents.
They want me to 'man up' and go on my own leaving children with dh.

I am too hurt for this and dh not keen on option either. I would see my nephews and nieces playing together at wedding while mine are excluded.
So- etiquette wise, is a polite decline [in writing, sent by post] acceptable?
Am I just being bit immature and need to just get over myself and go?

OP posts:

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 04/12/2013 21:28

I think it is a bit unfair of your dad to make you responsible for him not being upset. It is the bride and groom who have done that by leaving your children out.

Noctilucent · 04/12/2013 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanityClause · 04/12/2013 22:00

What Toffee and Noctilucent said.

If your father is upset, that is not your fault.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

General relationships Weddings

ZenNudist · 04/12/2013 23:07

Just read the thread it was all going well, you'd responded appropriately & with dignity to a tricky situation, then you completely went back on it! You were right that a big mess coming on.

I'm sure your dad is lovely but I think you should have stuck to your guns. This way no one is happy, least of all you.

You better not buy them a present!

Fwiw I wouldn't do unequal invites for cousins who are siblings. This is the thing about family invites. If a line is to be drawn its best not to exclude people. This couple have just fallen into classic wedding trap of grading family & excluding due to cost. It's going to cause bad feeling for years. Now everyone knows where they stand. Nasty.

perlona · 08/12/2013 00:32

It's ridiculous to be throwing tantrums over your children not being invited to a cousins wedding. Your sisters kids were only because they are closer to her. I'm sure they have lots of friends who are much closer to them than you are, whose kids they know better yet aren't inviting. People have to draw the line somewhere.

Metebelis3 · 08/12/2013 00:44

DHs family is a bit strong out - his brother was 10 years older than him and had kids very young. His kids also married/ had kids young too. His second daughter - DHs niece - got married when DD1 was 2.5 and DS was 0.5. They were not invited to this 'child free' wedding (which was taking place 200 miles away from where we live) although the bride's older sister's kids (2.5 and 4.5) were invited as were small children - not necessarily babies - of the groom's relatives. No children other than her sister's were invited from the bride's side. The explanation was that the groom's family were paying for the wedding, and it would be too difficult for their relatives (all of whom lived locally) to leave their kids (all of which were older than my DS) with strangers (all our living rellies were going to be at this wedding too, since my parents had died and my sister had also been invited). We declined the invitation as did my sister), not particularly politely either, and have never spoken to DH's niece again. We are fine with that, as clearly is she (she didn't even have the class to tell us about the no kids 'rule' but left it to MiL).

Mainkster · 12/12/2013 22:56

I think they might be relived you won't be there. I can't understand why you're upset. It's up to them who they invite, I don't care for children at weddings myself.
This is my first post as I was looking for something about a dilemma I have and found this. You don't have a dilemma, you have a maturity problem.
Seeing most of the other replies to you agreeing that the B&G are in the wrong , this may not be a place for me.

Mabelandrose · 12/12/2013 23:07

I don't know , I think sometimes things are taken too personally. Don't make a big deal about it. Just decline politely and wish them the best if you don't want to go without your children.

sami1985 · 14/03/2014 23:50

What does YABU mean?

puntasticusername · 26/03/2014 23:23

sami it stands for You Are Being Unreasonable.

chickalicious · 15/08/2014 20:45

I think that you are being unreasonable. A wedding is an event to which you are invited. You do not get to determine the guest list or if you think it is fair. You also do not get to determine who else is invited and if that is fair. Perhaps your children are little beasts. Perhaps your husband is a twit. For whatever reason, your children are not invited. You must deal with this as an adult. Declining "politely" and then causing a family ruckus which enables you to become the centre of attention is not dealing with this as an adult. You are behaving as a spoiled child might behave which may also provide some clues as to why your children are not welcome at a family event.
You asked for opinions. This is mine.

ChocolateWombat · 15/08/2014 20:54

Many people have to limit the numbers at weddings. It is due to cost and venue size.
These people are getting married...it is THEIR big day.

I don't understand why people cannot be big enough to just graciously accept the invitation they have received and go and enjoy themselves. Yes, it would have been nice to take your children, but for whatever reason they have not been invited. Despite the fact that other cousins are going, you really don't have to be offended by it. I really think people are far too daily offended by such things.

Personally, I would reply to say I would come, arrange some childcare and go and enjoy it. I would accept that it is their choice, even if it is not what I would ideally like and I would put my disappointment aside, so that I and they could enjoy their day. I absolutely would not want this to become a big family issue with other people voicing their views, and would be devastated to think that the Bride and the Groom, on top of everything else going on, had to face dealing with my disappointment and the family reaction to it.
Put them first and yourself second on this day of all days.

ChocolateWombat · 15/08/2014 21:02

Of course, if you are not mature enough to put your own feelings aside for the day, to go and actually enjoy yourself, I would politely decline, because it really could spoil their day to have you sitting there, all po-faced and discussing how awful it is with the rest of the family.
Yes, they may know why you have declined and other family will too. However, at least you won't be there spoiling the actual day with self-righteousness.
If declining, I really wouldn't be going into why. Which Bride wants to be told she has failed in her invitations....it would be pretty crap to make them feel bad about this, when they have done nothing wrong.
However, it seems that for you, you don't want the day to be about them, but about you. So, by declining, you can make it about you by either saying why or remaining frostily silent about the reasons. Or you can go, but be miserable and tell everyone how awful they are for not inciting your kids, also making yourself the focus of it. Unfortunately, I think whatever you do, especially as you have now involved the family, you have made it about yourself rather than them now.
Sorry if I am very critical.....I just think it is good to put other people first sometimes, and their wedding day is a prime example.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6