Tell me your BEST joke!

[charliecat]

Need a laugh:)

all my best jokes require a physical element and i can't think how to explain them...

oh..lol I know what you meant though:)

W lady with enormous boobs goes to the doctors and says "doctor I am having problems with my enormous breasts and wondered if you would consider me for a reduction" so the doctor says "right then you will have to take off your bra so that I can weigh them" so she takes off her bra and stands in front of him. He then puts a hand under each one and gives them a good shake and shouts "weyhey" (weigh) GEGGIT!!!

What did the elephant say to the naked man in the jungle?

A man goes to the doctors completely naked apart from being covered in clingfilm. He says "doctor, as you can see I have wrapped myself in clingfilm I'm scared that I'm going insane" and the doctor takes one look at him and replies "well I can clearly see your NUTS!!".

As you can tell I'm rather fond of my doctor/patient jokes.

How do you eat with that?

Why did Ken dump Barbie?
Because she only 'comes' in a box.

That's my crap offering.

knock kncok

who's there

twita

twita who

hello mr owl

ds1 is obsessed with knock knock jokes
sorry

knock knock
who's there
banana
banana who?

knock knock
who's there
orange
orange who
orange you glad i didnt say banana

Whats the difference between a buffalo and a bison?

You can't wash your hands in a buffalo

knock knock
who's there
atch
atch who
bless you

knock knock
who's there
you
yuou hoo

hello to you too

all much amusement for an almost 4 year old

not my best but:

• Knock knock

• Who's there?

• Control Freak..now YOU say: "Control Freak Who?"

My favourite joke of all time -
MAn walks into a bar and has an orange for a head. BArman asks why. MAn says, well I was walking along a beach and spotted a lamp in the sand. I rubbed it and a genie popped out. She offered me three wishes. For my first wish I asked for all the money in the world. It appeared on the beach in front of me. Secondly I asked for Claudia Schiffer to be my wife. She appeared, ring on her finger. The barman says so what was your third wish? Man says for my third wish I asked for an orange for a head!

The best thing is the look on peoples faces while they wait for the punch line. Cue a few seconds of silence and then a baffled look.

I have a strange sense of humour (if you can call it that)

Why did the banana go the doctor?

Because he wasn't peeling very well.

arf arf

lost me there totally katiebl

Man walks into a pet shop and says 'I'd like to buy a pet wasp'

The owner says, 'I'm sorry sir, I'm afraid we don't sell wasps.'

The man says,'Oh, but you have one in the window'

A man sitting on the beach with no legs and no arms when 3 ladies walk past.
1st lady asks'Have you ever been hugged?'
'No' the man answers so she hugs him
2nd lady asks'Have you ever been kissed?'
'No' the man answers so she kisses him. 3rd lady asks' Have you ever been f*ed?'
'No' the man answers.
'Well you will be when the tide comes in!'

Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the street?
One was assaulted [ a salted]

What do you call a French man wearing beach sandals?

Philippe Flop

Bit of a long one :

I'D LOVE TO BE EIGHT AGAIN

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday.

"I'd love to be eight again" she replied

On the morning of her birthday he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops and then took her off to the local theme park. What a Day!

He put her on every ride in the park:

The Death Slide

The Wall of Fear

The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate milk shake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite lollies and M&Ms

What a fabulous adventure.

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted . He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked "Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed . "I meant my dress size, you fckin twt"

The moral of this story : Even when a man is listening, he's still going to get it wrong.

What did the O say to the 8?

Nice belt!

What's got loadsa balls and screws granny's?

Bingo.

Sorry if the next one's offensive...........

Whats blue and screws Granny's?

Hypothermia