Things Girls Should Know - what are your thoughts?

[KateMumsnet]

Last week, author and Mumsnet Blogger Kate Figes appeared on Woman's Hour with Steve Biddulph, author of the recently published Raising Girls.

The programme sparked plenty of discussion, and inspired a couple of interesting posts from Kate, who often writes about being the mother of teenage girls. The first (Things Girls Should Know About Bodies) - is here, and yesterday's post (Things Girls Should Know About Boys) is here.

It got us thinking here about things we'd like our daughters to know when they're older - and we thought we'd throw the discussion open to you. So, what are your own Things That Girls Should Know? Share your thoughts (and URLs if you blog) here.

Amazingmum, that's disgusting. How dare you accuse tsc of that? I am very sorry about your loss, but that's a vile thing to accuse someone of. I don't see why its necessary to warn your dd that some women are bitches. Why? All you can do is be there if and when they are let down, not assume that they will be.

I think we should teach our dd's to have high expectations, not to settle for less.

I agree with math, and thank you btw. Ds is rather wonderful.

*step grandmother = stepmother

The route to independence

• be true to yourself
• if you think it might not be right, get out
• think about your financial independence always - not just for now but for always
• remember that you are the best girl I could ever possibly have in my life - so take that knowledge and go out into the world and see what you and life have got for each other.

Plus everything that WilsonFrickett says. I also agree with AntimonySalts actually.

trampy what disgusting? I accused no none with anything- please explain

amazingmum
I am very sorry for your loss, and the way that your friend treated you when you needed her. It isn't normal though, or something that you should warn your DD about.

Most women are supportive and caring towards their friends - I know when I suffered miscarriages my friends were there for me.

Would you want your DD to grow up being wary of other women just because one woman betrayed you?

BTW congratulations on your insensitivity as you picked up on "my issues" rather "I'm glad your baby died"
nice one

That. Fucking disgusting. And untrue. I certainly didn't see it as that, noone could.

Trampy / TSC

I think Amazingmum is referring to this part of her post:

'but first she will say that she thought it was actually better that that baby died because she was worried how I would have coped with 5.'

TSC mentioned the issues that AM had with her friend, instead of commenting on how horrible the friend had been to her.

I assume that was it - bit of a misunderstanding perhaps?

Fwiw, I think that was an awful thing for your friend to say, but I do think that to warn your DD about women in general based on what one person said - well, it is just wrong.

Mme, I get that. But there is no law to say that people must comment on the friends horribleness etc, or cannot disagree. Its a horrible thing to accuse someone of, I would certainly never do it, and I've had my share of run-ins with friends and family members being ball-achingly insensitive about my mc's and IF.

Perhaps Amazingmum will return and explain what she meant. Her posts were not quite clear.

If I were to warn DD because of all the insensitive stuff said to me about my miscarriages, she'd never trust anyone again. I am with you on that one, Trampy.

Its up to us to prepare the next generation. I am instilling in ds sensitivity and empathy. So, if in the future he and his partner, or someone he knows experiences a mc, he will know how to handle it, and what to say/do.

mmelindor gets it, thank you!

once bitten, twice shy is all I can say

trampy do me a favour and read what I said, please
I accused no one.
I said that TSC suggested on dealing with "my issues" rather than being empathetic about what my so-called friend said.

I can't help it that you misunderstood it and I think it's interesting that you are quick to accuse me without realizing what you are talking about.

I think you just proved my point, that one can never be careful enough.

I don't know why you thought it acceptable to be quite that rude to me as I did not accuse anyone....

to be fair, AmazingMum - your post was not that clear and could be taken to mean that TSC was happy your baby died, so not surprising that some misunderstood it.

When I saw the upset, I went back and read the original posts, which was when I realised what you meant.

And why would that prove your point? Because someone misunderstood your post, your daughter should be careful cause women are bitches?

I read it as you accusing tsc of being glad your baby died as in "it was rather "glad your baby died". It may have been "rather than glad your baby died" but you know what? I can't conjure up words that aren't there. there is no reason for you to be quite so aggressive. You have attacked tsc and now me. Lovely. What your "friend" did was horrible, but its not our fault. I think, and I say this meaning well, you would benefit from counselling. You are obviously still in a lot of pain. I wish you well.

wherearemysocka
I laughed at this

'Be a radiator, not a drain. And spend time with people who are radiators, not drains.'

Very good

Wow holy derailment batman!

trampy you attacked me. you accused me of being horrible to TSC. you called me disgusting. and you were swearing at me. and you turned out to be wrong.

but I'm the aggressive one - puzzling.

I made a grammatical error, sure, but you jumped the gun and were quite horrible to me instead of giving me the benefit of doubt.

never mind, thanks for wishing me well and I don't mind saying sorry for upsetting you or anyone else (TSC, MMe or whoever). I mean it.
I hate upsetting people. I'm actually crying right now because some strangers I never met thought for a second that I was horrible or disgusting or whatever.

I really am not horrible. I'm lovely and helpful and I'm a very good friend...ahhh I can't do this, I can't keep explaining myself, it doesn't matter. think what you want, I give up [what's the emoticon for sobbing?]

I am very sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. You were aggressive, and I was clearly not the only person to read it as it was said rather than what was meant. Its only the internet. But I apologise for misunderstanding, however, it was genuine and I said those things because if you had meant what I thought it would have been horrible. And yes, I swore, because I'm an adult and I swear at people and about things.

I do think you should seek some help.

I want to agree with pp who said emotional resilience is important. I think there is probably no asset more valuable for a girl. You can't talk it into someone. It has to be interwoven through a girl's childhood. Participation in competitive sport or music all go a long way to help a girl understand the world won't end if she isn't great on any given day, that diligent practice is important, and those areas of endeavour also provide the major plus that they afford a milieu where effort is important, and not appearance.

amazing, I can see this is horribly upsetting for you, but I admit I found your post pretty full-on, too.

It is really sad to see a thread that started out talking about how to support girls, turning into someone name-calling other women as 'bitches' and then rounding on posters for not responding as you wished they'd respond.

I am saying this because I honestly don't think you're aware of how you are posting. You are clearly hurting, as I can see, but you're hitting out as well. Step back from it all if you can. This thread has touched a nerve for you and I think you're just not going to be able to respond to it on its own merits while it is reminding you so much of someone's heartless actions towards you.

I just asked DD (8) what she thought girls needed to know.

"Maths, English and swimming".

I asked her if she thought they needed to know anything else that they might not learn at school.

"You need to know the best foods to give your baby."

Oh to be eight again!

TheSecondComing thank you, again I'm sorry too....I did say Some are, not all! of course I would never generalize like that!

In fact I was very touched by the support and empathy by so many other people, some mums from school boldly came to me and showed their sympathy and told me what they went through and made me feel better - most of them I didn't even know personally.

the contrast of that loving & supporting attitude from people I hardly knew and the total wall of silence and ignorance from my "best friend" was staggering.
I'm dealing with it and I've forgiven her or at least I'm trying to.

I don't think that women or men or people are horrible in general, I just think (and know) that some are.

I hope you didn't think that I attacked you. although I admit I was a bit rude. sorry