Things Girls Should Know - what are your thoughts?

[KateMumsnet]

Last week, author and Mumsnet Blogger Kate Figes appeared on Woman's Hour with Steve Biddulph, author of the recently published Raising Girls.

The programme sparked plenty of discussion, and inspired a couple of interesting posts from Kate, who often writes about being the mother of teenage girls. The first (Things Girls Should Know About Bodies) - is here, and yesterday's post (Things Girls Should Know About Boys) is here.

It got us thinking here about things we'd like our daughters to know when they're older - and we thought we'd throw the discussion open to you. So, what are your own Things That Girls Should Know? Share your thoughts (and URLs if you blog) here.

[amazingmumof6]

LRD you hit the nail on the head and you are right, it did touch a nerve. thanks for your clear headed comments, I really appreciate it.

[LesBOFerables]

That's very gracious of you, amazingmum- I hope you have lots of supportive friends around you now; it's gutting when you are so badly let-down by someone close, I know.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Hope you're ok, amazingmum. It must have taken a lot to say what you said. I hope you're feeling a bit better too.

You don't need 'friends' like that woman.

[TrampyPants]

Sorry I was harsh. Do you have local support? Mc is a shit time and noone seems to understand, but when it hits the fan you find out who deserves to have you in their lives.

I wish you all the best x

[MmeLindor]

oh, Amazingmum. That must have been awful for you. It is more than one person not being supportive. It was your best friend, and she should have been there for you, the way that the women from school were. I am sorry she wasn't.

Maybe we should teach our girls this. That sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment, and sometimes we wound each other. The mark of a truly good person is that she can stand up and say, 'I was wrong, and I am sorry' with no ifs and buts.

(((unMNetty group hug))

and all round

[marriedinwhite]

Amazingmum it took us a long time to get two children. I had too many miscarriages and lost babies in each trimester. There is no hierarchy of grief in relation to m/c - it all depends on how each miscarriage is handled and the love and care extended to you in relation to that miscarriage. I'm sorry your friend was so insensitive.

Good luck - my girl was my absolute miracle and I hope she knows I shall treasure her for ever. What all our dc need to know is the message from that book (can't remember who wrote it) but the one that says "how much do you love me" and the message is to infinity and back.

Am sorry to infinity and back for your hurt and hope my dc know, above all else, that they are loved from here to the ends of the planet, round all the planets and back again.

and that emoticon should be flowers !

[amazingmumof6]

thanks Trampy again I'm sorry too! stupidly phrased, I was in a rush....

it was actually 4 years ago, I didn't realize how badly the whole thing still hurts! I lost a baby girl, then my best friend on the back of it, it was really awful.

I think this thread "touched a nerve" as LRD said

I've had lovely girl friends and now have some new ones, incl SILS, but always got on much easier with boys.
the difference is that whenever any of them disappointed me, it hurt more coming from a girl.
especially from my mum or my sister. I don't know why.
(of course I disappointed them, no doubt...)

I never worried about how to be a mum to our sons. I worry about them, but not about how to raise them.
read fab books (inc Mr Biddulph's one about boys) and got great advice and DH is here to hold the fort from the male side of things.

but having a girl after 5 boys freaks me out.
my friends & Sils do tell me about some of the troubles their DDs go through coz of some nasty girls at school and I have no idea what I would do in their shoes or what I would say.
I worry about whether I'll be a good mum to my DD.

the phrase "my mum is my best friend" is alien to me, I think that says it all.

I'm going to buy this book. I'll calm down eventually.

I guess I just have to "woman up" about having a daughter.

thank you all you lovely ladies for bearing with me.

[amazingmumof6]

oh now you made me cry again with the group hug! thank you!

I'll accept the chocolates and the flowers (no wine for me, bf)

I really do feel much better, I do like a good kiss & make up!!!

marriedinwhite - do you mean "guess how much I love you?" one of my favourites...

[marriedinwhite]

That's the one. Sorry mine are older teenagers now and the old favourite books are an age away. My dd loved the Alfie and Annie Rose books btw

[MmeLindor]

Amazingmum
my DD is 10yo and there have been issues with girls at school, but we have gotten together with them and talked it over and they have come out fine. We moved away from her friends last year and she is still in touch with her best friend, and they talk regularly on the phone.

I don't think raising a girl is harder than raising a boy (so far anyway!), and I try not to see them as so very different.

Boys and girls both need respect, love, trust and an open ear - I don't treat my son any different to my daughter, and it seems to be working fine. I don't think that a book can teach you much more than that really.

[JoInScotland]

wishingchair wrote:

That pictures of models/celebrities in magazines are fake.

That magazines like Closer and Heat are toxic and only serve to make you feel bad about yourself and mean about others.

That it's pretty easy to look amazing if you employ a team of stylists, hairdressers, beauticians and make-up artists. 99.9% of the population don't, so don't compare yourself to celebrities.

That confidence comes from within, and even if you had better clothes/shoes/hair/teeth/breasts/legs, you'd still be you. So work on your inner self way more than your outer self.

Females young and old get judged a lot. Be prepared for it, and don't do it to others. We're our own worst enemies.

That porn sex is not real sex.

That they, and only they, decide how intimate they want to be in a relationship. It's easy to lose your virginity, but not so easy to find it again.

That although women now can "have it all" (the fabulous job, the amazing wardrobe, the immaculate house, the perfect body), it doesn't mean you have to, should expect/want to, or would be happy if you did.

That a sense of humour in yourself, your friends and your partner is essential.

**
I have a DS, but I will be teaching him this too.... we've already started on "respect my body" when he doesn't want to be tickled, etc, and he just turned 3. That he can say "no" to things, but so can everyone else. I already tell him that catalogues and adverts are just designed to make you want things, to buy things.

We can't just teach our daughters to be confident and independent, we have to teach that to our sons too, and to respect the choices that girls and women make!

[PomBearWithAnOFRS]

People men Lie.

[schroedingersdodo]

that being yourself will attract the boys who are right for you - and keep the wrong ones away!

That's impossible to please everyone and that sometimes people just don't like/love you. And you can't do nothing about this.

You are allowed to say 'no'. At any point. And that you are allowed to be as forceful as necessary to enforce that (reread 2 paragraphs above. If he gets angry, you don't want him around)

[SarfEasticated]

i would say:
? it is fine to make mistakes - being laughed at isn't the worst thing in the world.
? be kind to your fellow humans, it's a tough life out there, we need to stick together
don't buy the ridiculous 'women's' magazines, they are designed to flog you things, and don't ever read the Daily Mail or I will disown you!

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Even if you were to save sex for marriage sciencelover I don't think you could keep sexuality for marriage.

Most young people will have several relationships before they settle down with one person. I think this is completely normal and to be encouraged - making a hasty choice at a young age is rarely a good thing. And our sexuality is part of who we are certainly from puberty onwards ?

I'd rather talk about showing respect, consideration, and kindness to partners as well as friends throughout life, and expecting/ demanding the same in return.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I like your other ones though sciencelover

[drjohnsonscat]

It would never occur to me to tell my DCs to learn computer programming!

Please explain

[FastidiaBlueberry]

It's OK to be single and it's OK to have children without living with a man or not to have children at all. So don't panic if you get to thirty and haven't found a man you want to live with because you are just as likely to have a joyful, fulfilled life as a single woman as you are as a partnered one and you can have children whether you're single or partnered.

Don't have anything to do with men who use hatespeak about women like sluts, slags etc. They are not worth your time and energy and at base they think you're not as human as them. You don't need to be around shit like that.

Men who watch porn are shit lovers so going to bed with them will not be much fun.

Men who say that they believe in equality but act as if they don't, are lying. By their deeds shall ye know them, so don't believe them.

Men who overstep boundaries out of bed, will overstep them in bed.

Eat breakfast every day. Drink lots of water. Always brush your teeth before bed.

Listen to your gut feeling. Don't ignore your spidey sense. If you feel uncomfortable about someone or something, get the hell out of there and don't listen to the people who want to invalidate your feelings. Trust your instincts, they're there for your survival.

Read a lot of good books.

20% of what you acheive in life is as a result of hard work, luck, method and contacts. 80% is due to your psychology and what you believe about yourself and what you can do.

You are the only one who gets a say in what happens to your body, whether that's to do with medical treatment, sex or pregnancy. You have sovreignty over your body, no-one else.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

Oh and I'm always amused by the sheer inaccuracy of saying that men are only after one thing.

If that were true, women would rule the world. Men would be too busy fucking to have had the time, energy or inclination set up a whole system of male supremacy which reduced women to chattels and breeders. Think about it for one moment logically - how could they possibly have succeeded in establishing patriarchy, if all they wanted was sex? It's just not very likely is it?

[AbigailAdams]

Cracking list Fastidia.

[duchesse]

I think what girls need above all is the ability to stand up for themselves and know how to say no. No to be pressurised for sex or sexual acts, no to jobs being given to them because they are a woman/girl, no to dressing in a way they don't want to dress, no to doing what someone else wants for fear of being unpopular.

All our daughters should be encouraged to be less malleable than we were generally expected to be, growing up.

IMO everything else in their lives will fall into place once they know how to do that.

[feministefatale]

Do you not think people are much more likely to be rush in to marriage when they are not alowed to have sex first?

[mathanxiety]

Fastidia it's equally plausible that it's because men needed women for sex so much that they bothered to set up the patriarchy, etc. Far easier to ensure you have regular sex if you are the owner of chattel who are equipped with the right orifices, after all...

My mum used to mutter that 'men are only after one thing ' line quite frequently. My late sister cracked us up one day when she admitted she had believed even far into her teens that that one thing was dinner on the table at 6 sharp every night.