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Original poster

Would you leave your sensible 9 year old home alone?

65 replies

lisad123 · 11/09/2012 16:51

Trying to decide what to do, so thought I would ask Mumsnet.
Dd1 is nearly 10years old and very sensible. She doesn't get of the school bus and home until 4.30pm.
I have to go to local station to pick up dh at 5.25pm.
I hate the fact that she's settled and chilling out and then I have to drag her out again.
It's a 20min round trip to station and back.

She wouldn't answer door or phone and knows my number and how to reach me if she needed.
Would you leave her for that time or continue to take her with you?

OP posts:

ZZZenAgain · 11/09/2012 16:53

for 20 minutes, yes I would have, but only do it if you are really comfortable with it.

Housewifefromheaven · 11/09/2012 16:55

No. I leave my nearly 11 year old for an hour to pop to the shops but I walk. I wouldn't leave him alone whilst driving. He asks me too, but I would worry too much in case of an accident. When he's at secondary its ok I think .

Cazzmags · 11/09/2012 16:58

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable leaving a nine year old home alone every day for 20 mins. However sensible she is there is always the chance something could occur that she can't deal with eg power cut (which would be very scary on a dark evening) I wouldn't risk putting her in that situation.

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Families

CointreauVersial · 11/09/2012 17:01

Borderline.....

DD2 is only just 9, and too young at the moment, but I do leave 11yo DD1.

Do you live in a safe neighbourhood, with people nearby that you know and trust that she could phone if there were a crisis? That's important.

Original poster

lisad123 · 11/09/2012 17:08

Well neighbours either side have known us a long time. If heaven forbid something happened while I was travelling, dh would soon know if I didnt turn up.

OP posts:

Bluebell99 · 11/09/2012 17:08

I still take my 10 and 3/4 yr old but I leave my 13 yr old. My 10 yr old is very sensible but I still think it's too young. What if you have an accident on the way to the station?

Bluebell99 · 11/09/2012 17:12

The accident could be on the way back and involve both of you! My friend had an accident the other day on the way to station. Car in front turning right, she stops, car behind drives into the back of her and knocked her into car in front. The accident wasn't in anyway her fault , but she was delayed whilst police attended.

Chopstheduck · 11/09/2012 17:13

If he can knock on the neighbours in an emergency, answr phone only to you, and call you, I'd say it would be fine.

Chopstheduck · 11/09/2012 17:14

And I always think if there was going to be an accident I'd rather the kids weren't in the car!

marquesas · 11/09/2012 17:17

Yes, wouldn't think twice about leaving my 9 year for 20 minutes as long as she is OK with it I don't see the problem.

The whole of MN seems to live in a world of perpetual danger where accidents and fires happen to everyone every day

As long as you're all OK with it and know the ground rules I'd do it.

PostBellumBugsy · 11/09/2012 17:19

If you feel comfortable & your DD is comfortable, then 20 minutes should be fine. Everything we do has a risk attached to it. In my view the risk attached to this is very low.

Make sure you give her very clear rules about not answering the front door, or the home phone. Leave her with a mobile & tell her that you will only contact her on that. Also tell her not to be seen at the front windows of the house while you are gone.

NellyJob · 11/09/2012 17:21

if anything happened to her while you were out you would get done for neglect.

Ragwort · 11/09/2012 17:21

Yes I would; I used to leave my 9 year old at home whilst I went to an exercise class, I was out for just over an hour.

I agree with marquesas - I think many people on Mumsnet are absolutely paranoid about 'potential' danger. I think it is important for children to learn how to be independent and it is great to hear that you have neighbours who your child could go to an emergency.

NellyJob · 11/09/2012 17:21

not that I suppose anything would, but you should be aware of that.

Ragwort · 11/09/2012 17:22

If anything happened to her while you were out you would get done for neglect - really ??

claraschu · 11/09/2012 17:22

Yes of course.

In these threads, I never understand why, if you have an accident, it would be good to have a child in the car with you?

I always tell a neighbour if I am leaving my daughter, so if I am delayed for any reason she would have someone to take care of her. My daughter is comfortable with that, or I wouldn't do it.

5madthings · 11/09/2012 17:22

absolutely i would and did leave my ds1 and ds2 at this age, they are now 13 and 10 and i leave them on their own. the elder one for quite long stretches and i have left ds2 for about 2hrs before as i had to go to town and he was tired, he stayed at home and watched a film and i called him once to check he was ok.

lay down the ground rules and make sure htey know what to do in an emergency and to call on neighbours, that they have your mobile number etc. totally fine :)

5madthings · 11/09/2012 17:24

no Nelly you woulndt as long as you could show you had taken reasonable precautions, such as a number to contact, neighbours to call on etc. as long as you had done that and coudl show such you wouldnt be prosecuted for neglect.

MissKeithLemon · 11/09/2012 17:24

Housewife - do you really consider an outing on foot and an outing in a car to be that different in terms of personal safety that walking is ok and driving is not?

5madthings · 11/09/2012 17:25

why when they are secondary/high school does it suddenly become ok btw? its not like the day in sept they start high school there is some magic button that makes them more sensible etc

Startailoforangeandgold · 11/09/2012 17:25

DD2 was probably 9/10 when I first left her to run DD1 to piano lessons 20 min at the same sort of irritating time of day.

Far safer at home, that time in the evening is the one time of night our lanes get busy.

MarjorieAntrobus · 11/09/2012 17:25

I would leave her at home. She's sensible and she knows what to do in the extremely unlikely event of an emergency. Probably much more dangerous to be on a car journey than safely tucked away at home.

What did you do in the end, OP? (seeing as it's 5.25 now)

VivaLeBeaver · 11/09/2012 17:26

Yes, if she was happy.

Startailoforangeandgold · 11/09/2012 17:26

If I have an accident her dad would be home reasonably soon.

NellyJob · 11/09/2012 17:27

yes ragwort really, I left two ten year olds ( or were they eleven?) alone as a rare occurence, for approx 90 minutes and was reported to ss by someone who phoned and spoke to them while I was out, and received a nasty letter from ss enc. a leaflet on neglect. that was followed by a nasty phonecall from ss and when I argued with them, notes were made about my bad attitude to authority.
So when people say that mums are paranoid about safety.......well...it's not the mums it's the society we live in.
so i am speaking from bitter experience.

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