Would you leave your sensible 9 year old home alone?

[lisad123]

Trying to decide what to do, so thought I would ask Mumsnet.
Dd1 is nearly 10years old and very sensible. She doesn't get of the school bus and home until 4.30pm.
I have to go to local station to pick up dh at 5.25pm.
I hate the fact that she's settled and chilling out and then I have to drag her out again.
It's a 20min round trip to station and back.

She wouldn't answer door or phone and knows my number and how to reach me if she needed.
Would you leave her for that time or continue to take her with you?

I would and did leave my sensible 9yo home alone for that sort of time, and more, but I worried more about leaving my dippy one, and I currently don't leave my prone-to-screaming 8yo. So yes, for a sensible one, definitely.

Good grief - leaving a child in a safe, secure, warm & comfortable environment for 20 minutes would never constitute neglect!!

I don't think that starting 2ndary school makes it OK overnight, obviously it's a gradual process but I do think that on the whole 11 year olds are sensible enough to be left alone for periods of time. Not every 11 year old and not in every situation but as a general rule.

Mmm. Personally I used to leave DD alone for 20 minutes to do the school run if she was off sick (sniffles not vomiting or high fever), but I wouldn't choose to do it every day.

I took her with me today. She knows how to use the phone, how to get hold of me, dh and nanny. She knows if there is a fire to just get out, not to answer the phone unless it comes up with mine or dh name.
I think I covered all bases unless I total my car but that could happen any time including while she's waiting for me to collect her off the bus, on way to school or any other time.

Mine would panic; yours sounds very capable. I'd leave yours but not mine!

I would do it.

yes I would but my eldest had to be catching a bus to and from middle school at this age and I suppose he had to be independent

I think I would be wary, but not for any rational reason. From a rational perspective, of course she'll be fine. I also have a very sensible 9 year old that I'd leave to walk to the shop, but would be more wary driving, which I know is ridiculous as I'm just as likely to be run down as a pedestrian by a stupid driver as I am in a car...and in a car I'm safer.

I think you have to go with your heart on this one. I do leave my four at home for a few minutes to walk to the shop. They have the tv on so they're not likely to go off and do other, more dangerous things, I call my mum or my closest friend to make sure they're around at the end of the phone in case any of the kids are worried about anything, and then call them when I get back to tell them I'm home safely.

My kids are all really sensible, though, and I am more scared of other people's nosiness and nastiness than of anything actually happening to them.

And to the poster who said she was 'done for neglect' - I think 90 minutes is another matter entirely, and it is not being 'done for neglect' to have a few concerned phone calls and letters.

I once left my kids in the car outside staples while I ran in for some glue. Came out five minutes later to see a policeman waiting outside to tell me off...but that's all he did do. He didn't caution me or put a child protection order in place or anything - he just said someone had called the police, and that he had to come, obviously, and maybe I shouldn't have done it.

I felt like shit afterwards, but I still knew in my heart of hearts that they were all pretty safe once I'd done a mini 'risk assessment' whereby the risk of my youngest running out of the shop into the car park because she didn't want to be in the shop was greater than the risk of anything happening to her in the car, strapped in, and with her sensible older siblings.

The trouble is a lot of parents don't make considered 'risk assessments' and don't put contingency plans in place, and they 'spoil' it for those of us who do, making every assume parents who don't wrap their kids up in cotton wool are automatically neglectful.

I think leaving a sensible 9 yo for half an hour watching TV is fine.

I have no problem doing similar, Ds1 (10 this month) is left for this sort of timescale weekly when I take Ds2 to Beavers, sometimes going to the shop on the way home.

I have no hesitation in leaving DD (9, nearly 10) home alone for an hour or so, and was leaving DS for over an hour at the same age. They are both sensible children, know the rules about not answering the door, what to do in an emergency etc. But I know plenty of children the same sort of age who couldn't be left safely - it all depends on the child.

No dd is pretty much the same age and I wouldn't because I think ASD added into the mix means that things could go wrong very quickly and the mature sensible front could disappear quickly if there was something unexpected happen regardless of how well I thought I had prepared dd.

And to the poster who said she was 'done for neglect' - I think 90 minutes is another matter entirely, and it is not being 'done for neglect' to have a few concerned phone calls and letters
I did not say I was done for neglect, (as you would know if you had actually comprehended what I wrote) but I was strongly warned that that was a distinct possibility, were anything to happen while I was out. I had more trouble than it was worth, and more than any parent needs. BTW the 90 minutes was quite unintentional, but things happen don't they?
I have read the ss leaflet on neglect and all what you people are describing as 'OK' is not, as far as SS are concerned

Yes I've done exactly that in the knowledge they would call Grandma who lives nearby if we didn't return.

I leave my 11yo home alone all day if it's an inset day and also in school holidays (only 2 days a week). She's fine, I don't think she's neglected.

I was certainly left at that age.

vivalabeaver I can assure you that SS would not share your opinion, and times have changed to when we were growing up.

DS is 8 getting on for 9. Haven't left him yet but think I will start when picking up DD from after school club (school very near by). He is trying for being left while DD being picked up from Rainbows (20 min round trip on foot). Am considering.

Yes, I would have done.
Like you, sensible, confident, and we have lovely, lovely neighbours on hand if need be.

Well seeing as I spent six years working for SS, I'm pretty sure what would happen if they found out, nothing! There is no legal age to leave a child alone but if they are going for neglect, I'm pretty sure more than 20 mins for a nearly 10 year old would be a waste of good money.
As for ASD, dd1 total meltdown would be her crying and worried, and while it would be upsetting for her of course and would mean we might have to rethink things, I can't refuse to do everything for fear of meltdowns

my point was that if anything happened you would be charged with neglect

even if something happened you would NOT be charged with neglect if you could show that you had taken reasonable precautions ie an emergency contact, being able to go to a neighbours etc. sorry but my dp works in cp and you are just scaremongering.

yes they might phone you, send a letter and even visit and chat to you, as long as you are open and sensible they will not prosecute you, they have far bigger things to worry about than a 9yr old being left for 20mins.

well perhaps I should have used could instead of would

Yes but tbh the rule is if you leave your child with anyone under the age of 18 years old and something happened to the child, you are legally responsible at that point.

but the point is NellyJob they would see that you had done a risk assessment (not a form for yourself, obviously - I mean that you had thought about the "What ifs..." and equipped your child with the ability to react to something unexpected). In doing so, they (again, in the unlikely event it ever got to the ears of any social services team) would realise it was a considered, reasoned judgment call made reasonably by a caring parent. Believe me, SS wouldn't be interested.