Crying at home because police made me realise I am not English

[MillyAndFriends]

I am an intelligent, educated, powerful woman who loved UK. It is the only place where hindus and muslims engage on an equal footing ( I say this because when I was in Bangladesh my gran would not visit her muslim neighbours but that is the norm) I loved the UK, but today I cried.

I am worthless, I am nobody, I don't matter...I am ASIAN, I am BLACK.
Despite paying my taxes and contributing to society I am SHIT, I am worthless, I am nothing (Gandhi fought to make us equal but he failed.....)

I was stood waiting outside a club, I had ordered a cab and I was going to wait outside for my Addision Lee.
I am 7 1/2 stome (obviously a fat arse)
On a pavement in London ( where people must obviously be smaller than me)
When I was asked to move away from the club because I was blocking the way

Oops being 7 1/2 stone I took up all the space

Despite explaining that I was waiting for a cab, I was asked to move to the corner of the road.

I explained that I was waiting for a cab.
The chap became stroppy stating I should go (not very nicely).
As I had explained to him the cab was coming to the place.
He got cross.
Trying to use my brain (why did I bother!) I explained that legally I was entitled to stand where I was ( I couldn't understand what was going on..I didn't like the way he had spoken to me,,,I even explained how much I had spent in the club when the person was being silly- £300+!)

They the THREATENED TO CALL THE POLICE

i SAID GO ON THEN ...Really I thought the POLICE have better things to do!!! Don't they???

In the meantime someone was taking a film....I don't know why..

The police turned up, and I stupidly thought they would listen

They didn't ...I was in the wrong

For some reason someone who was 7 1/2 stone was preventing people walking past the pavement. Due to this, people were crossing on to the road, and I was causing a nuisance.
I asked the police men, are you taking the Micheal and they said NO! I even said " listen to what you are saying re: someone who is 7 1/2 stone (okay I said 6) who is taking up ALL of the pavement....

I am so sorry because I am unable to articulate how SHIT they made me feel.
Bullied, Bullied, Bullied RACIST SHITS.
I AM NOT that time of person to make such comments but I HATE YOU for making me say this.
Even when I rationised with them and explained I have friends who are policemen and I understood the challenges they were going through they were horrible.

I even said to them, do you really want to do this.
Even when they threatened to arrest me, I asked why what is the basis (I spouted some meaningless shit..re: human rights I learnt from uni, and even explained I have a friend who is a policeman, and that I understood their concern)

Shit, shit, shit,
(an idiot was filiming me but I am not sure why as I was rationalised - me thinks)

Best thing was that this lady from the club came out and I explained that you don't own the pavement, I was just waiting for my addision lee. She suggested it would be nice if I stood at the corner and I asked why?

I defended myself,

Why can't I wait on that pavement, you don't own it ...the police didn't agree with me ( I am repeating myself I know because this is SHIT and I am upset!)

And now I am crying, I thought I was English. I even defended England to a Scottish man tonight

I have described the above very nicely but all I know is thanks to tonight I'm NOT English, and I don't want my family to go through the RACIST shit I had to go through to night (the above is a very polite version of stuff...but I cried all the way home when I realised some SHIT ARSE has made be lose my Identity, and that the police who I THOUGT stood up for you would do...

But now I have to accept what my dad said to me, you may think your English BUT don't forget you're BROWN.
Thank you for proving my dad right!

You are English! Don't let some twats make you feel otherwise.

Bouncers are a race apart and the fact that you dared to argue with him would have made him seriously arsey and pissed off. Hence the reaction. He couldn't back down.

Not sure anyone was being racist though. Have read you post again and I can't see anything racist being said.

Very sorry you were so distressed by it all. But I think you could have moved a little way.

wot larry said

and racist incidents do/can happen without racist language being used

The trouble is that the weakest point of her argument is something that could lose an officer his job. It's something that will forever keep a country divided. It's why laws are passed to protect group A while group B have different rules. It's why there won't be equality and understanding because every time I lash out at you for being incompetent or being in the way, you can just chalk it down to racism.

I have no time for people who cry wolf with racism. It's a hard road that's already divided most of the world. Don't use a night out and your bad behaviour to further divide people.

Even "I defended England to a Scottish person tonight" implies that the OP doesn't ACTUALLY class herself as English, yet is upset because police told her she wasn't English? What has race got to do with anything?

I am not calling her a troll in the least. Neither am I calling her a liar. I am saying that she was drunk and her perception of things (including her own behaviour) may well have been skewed. Based on the flakiness of her allegation of racism I am left with no choice but to take the 'shoving' thing with a pinch of salt as well.

Of course if I am wrong Milly then you have my sincere apologies, but I can only form an opinion based on what you have said overall, and the impression it has given, which is that you over-reacted about the whole thing.

You sound like an hysterical pain in the arse.

It all seems a bit blown out of proportion. You could surely have just moved out of the way when asked, then there would have been no need for the police to be called, you to make an embarrassing spectacle of yourself etc. And if the police were called, people were crossing the road to avoid you, and someone was filming you, I would guess you must have been making quite a scene!

I don't really see what either your racial background or your weight have to do with anything here.

I don't think you need to become teetotal (unless you want to) though maybe you had just a little too much last night, and that might be something to watch in future, especially when you're going home on your own.

Am I the only person in the world who has managed to have a very lively social life often involving plentiful alcohol without EVER having a row with anyone? Ever? I sometimes feel like it.

HerMadge, the nearest I have come to a row was howling OH DO FUCK OFF at a cab driver who had obviously doubled the usual price. He slammed on the brakes and gave me the kind of look my father would have given me had he heard such language. I apologised for about a quarter of an hour

I think you actually may be Hilly.

I think Milly may be hanging her hangover-head in shame and be more than a little this morning.

There was no racism and 300 is typical if a night out in London so you probably weren't that drunk. But shame on people for picking up on your sp and grammar mistakes.

Its not racist.

The situation got out of contr

She probably wasn't that drunk? Just how did you assign a probability to that?

A sane and sober person, when asked to move a few steps from the entrance of a club would understand and do so rather than get into a street brawl with bouncers. In such a state that she was filmed and police was called, no less, screaming racism. And then would come home and sleep rather than howl for hours on the internet until dawn.

I feel a namechange coming, actually

But Larry, the main point of her post was the racism! And there was no evidence of that.
I have been a victim of racism. I have had vibes off people that they don't like me because of my race. I would NEVER accuse anyone of racism if they hadn't actually done anything racist. It's very damaging to those who actually are victims of racism for complaints like this one to be made. The boy who cried wolf..?
And as for "Sounds more like the boucer has a cosy arrangement with another rip off cab firm and did not want an Addison Lee cab stopping outside his club." That is utter guesswork on your part, isn't it? Nothing in any of the OP's posts suggest this.

I think it far more likely that she was obstructing the pavement - and thus rightfully asked to move. She says herself people were crossing the road to move around her.

I recall being told that none of us have the right to stand still on a pavement. We all have the right to move freely, but in standing still you are denying other people their right of free movement and can thus be asked to move on.

I think the bit about ppl crossing the road was sarcastic, iirc?

I still can't believe that a bouncer wanted to shift a female customer, on her own, late, who was waiting for a cab outside their premises

I know they don't like loitering- but one woman?

ffs

no wonder OP was upset. I'd be upset.

Yes, but there may not have been just one. There may have been many. Just because she was on her own (ie not with friends) doesn't mean she was entirely alone. Perhaps she was the only one to stand there and argue!

It has been pointed out many times on this thread why it is necessary to keep people from loitering in the entrance of the club.

lot of assumptions being made here about OP to discredit her pov

millyand friends,
Please don't equate your situation with what Mahatma Gandhi had to face in South Africa. THAT was racism, this was just you being an arse, and making things difficult for ordinary citizens of the UK, who were just re-iterating the rules that are the same for everyone. The fact that the police did not agree with you should have been a cue to you, to rethink, to re-evaluate your reactions and arguments and apologise. One does not become a lesser person by bowing, one only becomes stronger by facing the result of one's action. Also, do not take everything so personally...To me, an Asian woman who was not born here, but in India and have lived here for less than a decade, the british public are, by and large, extremely tolerant of and fair to people of all colours and creed... The Law is, to my mind, more so.
If you like totalk of values and principles, be polite, see the other person's viewpoint, and if they talk to you courteously, asking that you move, do it. There is nothing wrong with that.

Apologies for not getting back to you sooner on this, I have just come back in from work.
I apologize for explaining myself so poorly in the opening paragraph.
I have never been in this type of situation before, and so I didn't have a reference point to explain what had happened.

So I will attempt to systematically explain the two issues here:

1. The waiting for the cab
2. Racism piece

I will address the first piece so that you have a better understanding of what took place before I come on to the second part.

The waiting for the cab:

• Firstly, I am a blogger on mums net and carry their blog on my site
• I am not a troll

1. Addison Lee is a taxi firm which picks you up from your destination. This means you don't have to try and hail a cab which can be hard to do when in central London.
   I try not to use black cabs because as mentioned they can be difficult to find, be more expensive, and some do not have the knowledge for central London, which means you end up directing the cab / getting lost en route.

2. Because I had ordered an Addison Lee I needed to be near the pick up location which was this club.

3. The club itself has a roped off section on the pavement for people to queue up and come inside, and then the remainder of the pavement for everyone else.

4. I was away from the door, not in the roped off section

5. I was carrying two bags, and was conscious of not getting in the way of people passing by (normal pedestrians)

6. The bouncer asked me to move, and he asked me to move to the corner of the street (between 500-600 yards down). The road he wanted me to stand at was a junction (If you have been to Rupert Street it is the busy Shaftsbury Avenue side)

7. I had explained that I was waiting for the Addison Lee, and that the driver was picking me up from the club (This morning on my way to work, an Addison Lee driver explained that he had picked up people from outside the club on a number of occasions, and that there were people always outside....)

8. The bouncer still insisted I move along

9. I politely explained again that I was waiting for my cab, and even tried to connect with him by explaining how much I had spent in the club (the reason for this was not to show off or anything but to show that I was a good patron that evening, and someone who would come again.

10. He still insisted I move to the corner of the road (in which case I would have not seen and been able to get my cab - they have a maximum wait time)

11. I really didn't understand why he wanted me to move because I wasn't in the club queue or blocking the pavement in any shape or form.
    I didn't get emotional or rude given that I am of the view that if you rationalize and explain things to people that should suffice

12. I then explained that I don't understand, and that is when I mentioned that I have the public right of way

13. A lady from the club then came out, and I explained to her about the cab. She again asked me to move to the end of the street.
    I again explained my point re; above.

14. At this point, one of the bouncers said they would call the police.

15. I was taken aback and found this amusing when I had been talking, and politely explaining my situation

16. I then said go ahead - genuinely thinking "Really?!" is this your way to get me to move?

17. To my surprise the police did arrive (2 people).

18. I explained again that I was waiting for the cab and I am not in anyone's way

19. The police man then indicated that I must be because someone walking past walked onto the road.

20. I pointed out that it was because we have 3 of us on the pavement, and bouncers etc and that I would have done the same (I have in the past avoided walking past a policeman talking with people late at night, and even walked on the other side of the road, so this behaviour did not seem odd to me.)

21. During this point, I had my back against the building, one police officer stood right up to me, whilst the other gentlemen stood next to him
    One of the bouncers came over and started to film me - He was stood directly in front of me

22. I was boxed into a triangle
    I then took my phone and pretended to film the person filming me

23. I again politely explained what I was doing, and tried to build empathy with the police officer that my friend's husband was a policeman, and I understood he was just doing his job, just as the bouncer was doing his.

24. That approach did not work as he said he would arrest me

25. I then responded that I am on public right of way, and was doing nothing wrong. I tried to recall some legislation from my law days

26. At this point, they then asked me to move, and again I explained that I was waiting for my cab

27. As if by magic, a bouncer shouted there is your cab - which was across the street

28. The police officers then escorted me to the cab

29. During which point one of the gentlemen shoved me in the middle of my back twice (below my shoulder blades).

30. I turned around and asked him did he really want to do that and looked for his number on his shoulder

31. I got in the cab and then burst into tears

RACISM PIECE
I apologize for not explaining myself so poorly in the opening paragraph.
I have never been in this type of situation before, and so I didn't have a reference point to explain what had happened.

1. I spoke rationally, clearly, and politely throughout

2. I felt intimidated when I spoke with the police officer
   When the bouncer tried to film me, it made me feel even more intimidated that is why I took out my camera phone out. I wanted him to move away from me.

The boxed in a triangle situation is not pleasant, and I do not recommend this to anyone.
I felt I was being made to feel intimidated

3. Throughout the police officer stood right into my face, and throughout the situation looked at me in a way which wasn't pleasant.
   So much so when I felt intimidated I felt my skin crawl, and looking at my skin and for the first time felt bad for being brown. Inside me I felt not particularly nice about myself. That is the way he made me feel

4. I am not a hysterical person.
   Even when I was climbing up a mountain, throwing up en route, at 21,000 feet in Argentina, I still was able to conduct a rational and clear conversation with the guide to let me continue

5. I am not the type to throw my toys out of the pram whether I have had a drink or not - it is not me.

6. I write a blog which attempts to look at the bright side of life

7. The reason I was and still am upset was I was really shocked at what ad taken place.

Granted my opening paragraph was a stream of consciousness but I was trying to figure out what had happened

8. I am upset enough to be shaking all day, and close to tears at several points during the day

9. The way I was made to feel, questioned my whole identity
   I have had people make direct racist remarks when I was a child, and I have been able to deal with it because it's straight and easy to identify, and I could defend myself in my retort (in that situation)

Here I wasn't able to.

If this situation to you does not feel was racism then that is fine, everyone is entitled to their opinion but for me I felt as if I had been.
I may therefore a very narrow / broad view of racism depending on your view.

I felt so strongly about this that I wanted to flag this up on this network.

I respect other people's opinions, and debate is a healthy part of the society which we live in.

I hope this provides clarification to you, and let you draw your own conclusions.
I am not going follow this thread further. given some of the unsavoury names that some people have referred to me by but that is up to you.

Enjoy the rest of the day

'I actually realised one thing and it hit me when I was reading the comments, I was stupid enough to make myself vulnerable by having had a drink.
I am the idiot who always tries to rationalise everything to a point of madness.
I think the reason the chap was trying to film him is because he was using that as a means to scare me - me being me I tried and filmed him back out of principle.
I think the reason I am emotional and not happy is I actually figured out you can't have principles, and rationalize with people if something is unfair. As someone has pointed out, no body has time to rationalize and be principled when it's busy around.
The point I have learnt is to not make myself vulnerable so I can leave myself completely clear (from an outsider's perspective so that I don't come across like the Boy who cried wolf).
This episode has made me want to be tee-total so that I be taken seriously.'

Taken seriously about what?

You were stupid enough to try arguing about human rights and principles with a bouncer. It's not that nobody has the time to rationalise and be principled when it's busy. The fact is that when the UN Declaration of Human Rights comes face to face with a bouncer on a Thursday night, the bouncer always wins.

If you don't want to comes cross as the boy who cried wolf, then don't cry wolf, and don't argue with bouncers in the wee small hours of the morning unless you want to be treated like every other eejit who tries that (and apparently you don't want to be treated like everyone else), and instead of 'rationalising', start using your brain to figure out simple solutions to your real problems (like calling the taxi company and telling them you have moved to the corner).

As for rationalising to the point of madness -- you are right there. You were being filmed because some people find the spectacle of tipsy women 'rationalising' really funny, or possibly because some bouncers and club owners know that if the facts of an incident are disputed nothing clears things up like a few minutes of film. Suspecting anyone was trying to scare you is ludicrous.

I knew a lot of Irish students who bouncered their way through college summers in the UK and in the US too (with plenty of anti-Irish sentiment directed their way by disgruntled drunks and others they threw out nightly) and I dispute the assertions here that they are all members of the demi monde/bruisers who enjoy hurting and humiliating people. They are the ultimate deterrent to trouble-making in nightclubs and around clubs at night and they deal with people who are drunk, off their heads, crazy and belligerent every night, with neither the time nor the encouragement from club management to decide every case on its merits/discuss individual's human rights..

Thank you for explaining a bit more - I'm glad you came back. You certainly seem calmer and less upset today, and what you explained above makes sense. You certainly weren't treated well, but I'm still not understanding why you think that the treatment you received was to do with your colour?

From #8 on you went completely off the rails.

Everything in your Racism Piece is about your feelings when reality hit you. Not the reality of racism, but the reality of how the police and bouncers and club managers treat people who argue with them, and do something really dumb like film back when the police have been called. When the police tell you to do something you do it. End of. That is reality.

'4) I am not a hysterical person.
Even when I was climbing up a mountain, throwing up en route, at 21,000 feet in Argentina, I still was able to conduct a rational and clear conversation with the guide to let me continue'

Why is rationality and clarity so important to you?
Do you find people misunderstand you a lot?
Why do you argue with people when you are clearly in the wrong, and misguided?

Do you see the massive irony in posting a post of 40+ points trying to straighten out the facts and explain how rational and clear you are?

This is hilarious. You would not have coped where I grew up.

I was spat at (in school), pushed off my bike, my parents' had "white power" repeatedly graffiti'd on their shop window, my brothers often came home with black eyes, my mum was held at knife point, my dad has been quite badly beaten... And this is just stuff off the tip of my head.

What you experienced was not racism. To suggest it is and pulling out the race card makes it quite difficult for the rest of us to make people take us seriously.

In which way do you think a white person would have been treated differently ?

i'm so sorry but I just don't get how it was racist. or even that bad in any sense. a bouncer asked you to move. you made a big fuss, they called the police. then your taxi turned up and you went home. if i'd just spend £300 (which is my entire family's monthly food budget ffs) on a night out I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to remember anything, let alone what is blatantly such a non-event. It sounds to me a bit like you didn't like being asked to move and threw a wobbly. If you're really upset complain to the club. don't waste the police's time. I haven't read your blog so apologies if i've missed something there.