Peter Andre gives me the creeps.

[GetOrf]

'i really really love my kids'

No shit sherlock, you are supposed to.

I can't be the only one who thinks he is a passive aggressive weirdo, surely.

April 2012 - Travelodge J13 of the M5 - the car park
May 2012 - Beesimo's lass1 wedding (private function)
June 2012 - the OK shindig to celebrate Claire's weightloss and subequent diet DVD

oh happymole, if twere only true! Aunty Label would fettle his nonsense for sure. She'd bare her gums at him and have Pippin take him apart to see how he's operated.

July 1st-4th - Familee time

Rest of year devoted to tanning and self loathing

Sept 2012 - x factor auditions
Oct 2012 - Loose women appearance and Denise Welch's latest media conquest
Dec 2012 - netmums xmas meet up

August - The Breakdown (announces custody battle)
September - The Priory
October - 'my cocaine hell'
November - Dancing on Ice
December - secret Christmas marriage in Laplad to Katona

I wonder if he is going to the racecourses in the hope he will bump into the ex Mrs and get more press, that or someone likes to gamble at can.

Paint in Perfect Puce(Dulux) for lil Petey.

Me too. Dont like him or his ex-wife.

I remember him first time round, and I'm sure hes had a nose job.

Nose job? He is entirely made of wax and Ronseal.

I always thought he was a PA tool.

Nice to know I'm not alone (unlike Petey you sad, useless, man-tanned freak).

I read a recent interview where all he could talk about was how horny he was. I gagged reading it. Imagine shagging him, I bet he would direct you constantly and call you babe, while insisting you call him "Man-God". And trying to get the orange creosote out of the sheets would be a nightmare.

No wonder Katie was reluctant in that department.

If you squinted a bit it would be like shagging David Dickinson

More like a weirdly buff Lovejoy.

Urgh at visions of Pete love URGH

I can see what KP could see in Alex Reid the poor sap - after PA he must have seemed like a dream come true.

Pete love is sadly physically impossible. Firstly, should any blood divert from the wee tiny dino brain, he will faint. Secondly, he is too nobbly and slippery, like a greased alligator. You would slide off painfully.

I couldn't give a shit, quite frankly.

Thanks for sharing cumbria. But as a contribution to conversation that one's a bit of a dead end. There's not much of a response to that really .

Anyway, you should so too give a shit. Then you can join the minibus to Margate Poly with us to see his triumphant return to the stage.

Not that I was watching his show on purpose or anything - but the other week PA just 'happened' to pop in to a garage and there and then bought a car for £180k. where does that sort of money come from - or am I just completely deluded and it was all a marketing con? He was ott obnoxious about the whole purchase whatever.

Don't watch their stupid programmes and forget they exist. I have, in exhausted moments, been drawn in to Peter's next sulk or his hunt for a cupcake. Or Kerry mooning about the kitchen. Or the day Katie Price broke her nail. And then I lose the will to live. Who are they? Who cares? I always feel grotty after seeing 10 mins of their whingey, self-absorbed lives. Poor kids.

urgh. did you see the bit when he was doing some weird writhing while saying 'hot tub' a lot. Boak.

you all need to spend a week watching bbc4

What a nobber!! watch it and laugh!!

A First Date with Andre

Setting: Chic Intimate Restaurant

Guests : You, Petey, Claire, Nicola, TV crew, Neville, Peteys Brother, OK Photographers, Make Up Artist, Stylist, Hairdresser, Analyst and fluffer.

Conversation: The wonder of Pete, How sensitive Pete is, How lucky you are to be dating Pete, Pete the Artist and his work, Pete's hair, Pete's love for coffee, Pete's six pack, The lustiness of Pete, Pete the father, the kindness of Pete......

Food: Slimfast (and carbs for Claire)

Followed by an "intimate" walk along the shore (followed by hangers-on), where he sings an "impromptu" few verses of Mysterious Girl to the camera you, then sobs for an hour over his "unhappiness". Back home for upperscoffee and shit 30 second sex, which you are interviewed about straight afterwards and offered serious money to say he was "the best, evah, honest, and how great a father he is".

No wonder the Spanish one ditched him.

Do you think he has a fluffer Katie? We had discussed earlier the possibility of him not having genitals at all? I had orginally plumped for a small orange cock but I now think he may be entirely plastic Down There, like Action Man.

The fluffer is for his man-nipples Sue