I'm adopted AMA

[AdopteeAMA]

I'll try to answer everything.
Looking forward to questions 😀

Yes, I was given up at birth.

Do you ever watch Long Lost Family and if so how does it feel seeing other family reunions?

(I often wish there were follow ups - I am quite sure a proportion of those shown just don’t work out)

No, I don’t watch it.

I think you could be right though, that they didn't work out, as mine didn't with my sister.

Perhaps, but that's not what happened, or could have happened.

Sorry that you had such a tough time and you were unable to answer my question as it hurts too much. Have you had any therapy or mental health support?

Thank you for the thread @AdopteeAMA. I’m interested in the questions and answers as a grandparent to an adopted teen. She is an only one, adopted as a baby. I hope when she looks back on her childhood she recognises the love we’ve all got for her. Her alternative, if not adopted, would have been care. Like most adoptees nowadays, she wasn’t given up, but removed.

I don’t have any questions, as has been said, each family scenario is different. All that parents, real and adoptive can do, is their best.

Just wanted to say (gently) as an adopted person that it can be confusing and hurtful for adopted children to hear the phrase ‘real parents’ especially from family, so it’s good to get into the habit of using ‘birth parents’ instead.

That’s not me scolding you, just something to think about as it can be ever so hurtful for adopted children (not all of course) to hear that phrase.

I love this thread. I would have loved to adopt though have two biological children. Though something about being a mother has made me utterly certain I would love an adopted child as much as I love my biological kids. Weirdly maybe more? Or differently for sure.

Because of life I wouldn’t be a good fit as an adoptive parent now but when my kids have left home i will foster.

I read somewhere that the latest thinking is that the act of adoption itself and separation from biological mother is in and of itself deeply traumatic even if done at birth so the adoptee doesn’t remember. Something to do with early brain development and the natural bond with the birth mother. Do you think this is true?

I hope it’s not as of course there are many children for whom a life with the birth mother is simply not an option and I’d hope they would have a fair shot at a trauma-free life.

If it were true though I wonder would you think all adoptees should have access to certain levels of mental health support and therapy as standard perhaps?

I am sure like you if I had an adopted child I would adore them as much as my biological children. However I also know some people wouldn’t be the same - my husband for sure wouldn’t, for him the fact his biological kids look like him is really a ‘thing’. I’m glad they do much more vetting now around adoption so hopefully more adopted children have positive outcomes.

You’re absolutely right. I generally use the term birth parents, and of course adoptive parents are real parents.

No, I've never had therapy.

Yes, I absolutely believe it's true, it's why I think surrogacy should be banned.

Do you agree with adoption OP? Xx

Yes of course, it's necessary.

I didn't want to be loved more, or differently, I wanted to be exactly the same as my brother.
I don't say this to be mean, but I'm glad you didn't adopt.

Perhaps it’s something to consider sending you best wishes. Thanks for being brave and doing this thread

You are so articulate and clear, OP, I admire you for this thread.

One of my oldest mates was put into a children’s home with her brothers when their parents died. She said at the time she thought it was better than adoption but looking back she’d rather have had a home, any home. She’s a mum herself and knows no parents are perfect. Yes, she did have therapy and it helped hugely.

No, I don't want therapy.
I would like to meet with other adopted people to chat about our experiences.

Thank you.
I'm glad it helped your friend, it's just not for me.

@AdopteeAMAI don’t have any questions to ask you.

As a fellow adoptee I understand the difficulties and differences life holds for us. All my life I have always carried with me a sense of not belonging… anywhere. I’ve been unlucky enough to meet people (including members of the family I was adopted into) who tuned into that flaw and would deliberately press buttons. It’s been tough but I’m making peace with it.

Sending love ❤️

I'm coming to terms with it, but it's not easy.