I'm adopted AMA

[AdopteeAMA]

I'll try to answer everything.
Looking forward to questions 😀

See, further post, but my Grandad told me about the age gap.

I’ve only known two successful adoptions - 1 where the adoptee never knew they were adopted and 2 where an aunty adopted their niece. All the other adoptions and I know many have come with so many challenges. It’s changed the adopted parents lives irreversibly.

my question is - what made you think your mother treated your differently to your brother who wasn’t adopted?

When you met your grandad and sister did you get a sense of belonging?

Sorry, I don't want to answer that with specifics, it hurts too much.

My Grandad, no, my sister, yes.

How is your relationship with your adoptive brother?

We don't have one, his choice.

What's been the hardest part of your adoption journey?

Not knowing who I look like, or take after when I was young.
Now, it's just knowing I wasn't valued as much as my brother.

I’m also adopted, sadly many of your answers resonate with me.

Op, I want to give you a big hug. Thank you for such a brave, interesting and informative thread xx

Not knowing who I look like, or take after when I was young.

Since you've met a couple of biological family members do you now know who you look like or take after?

I know you haven't met biological father but have you seen a picture?

I look just like my Mum, and even moreso my sister, but neither of them are short or have tiny feet, or tan well which I do.

I've never seen a picture of him.

Do you think the wider adoptive family treated you differently (better or worse) than their blood relatives? Were you completely comfortable amongst the extended family?

Can I ask why you had no interest in meeting your father?

I'm also adopted. It's a rollercoaster journey; going from the youngest of two to the eldest of six.

@AdopteeAMA I'm a lot further down the road – found my BM in 2000 and BF in 2023. If you ever want to chat you are welcome to DM me.

I’m also adopted
I often think if you had a stable loving upbringing the need to search out your bio family isn’t that strong
if the adopted relationship isn’t that good then you will look and have more questions

looking back my adopted parents are absolutely lovely people - simple kind and amazing - they adore my adult son - he could commit murder and my mum would swear blind he was with her 😂

I had a lovely upbringing with lots of extended cousins aunts and uncles and grandparents

they were always very open about adopting me

i also do believe in nature v nurture theory

i could have easily gone right off the rails as a teen and i have my own morals that I live by not necessary the ones that society set

i have a biological sister who was brought up by my biological father and she is a druggie , been in prison no stability etc . I’ve met her a few times when I was much younger but I wasn’t really interested in a relationship with her . apart from the same bio mum / dad we have nothing in common

we do however really really look alike

I think if I didn’t have such a stable upbringing I could have easily been like my bio sister but my upbringing kept that side of me in line

I have a horrible vicious vindictive temper 😂
can hold a grudge longer than I’ve been alive and have zero issues in bending rules if I can benefit from it and if knew I could get away with it 😂

but I’m also very easy going and friendly and most people like me , I have never smoked rarely drink and have never done drugs

but I’m fairly certain that if I hadn’t been adopted I would be similar to my bio sister

It just wasn't really an option when I was young, and as I got older I realised how wrong it was that he was with my Mum.

I don't think they did when we were kids, by this I mean my cousins, it was more as adults.

I’m sorry you’ve had your struggles with your family, biological and adopted.

Can I ask why you are so adamant you’d never adopt, please?

Are there any particular questions you were hoping to be asked?

Is there anything you wish people would know about adoption in general?

Do you think your bio father knew/knows about you?

Can I gently tell you that I have two sons- a birth son who is 39, and an adoptive son who is 26. I love them both with every fibre of my being, and it would be devastating to think that my younger son somehow felt lesser.

I’m sure your mum loved you very much. xx

I'm sure you do, but I'm also very gently sure that you didn't have my upbringing.
Please don't try to tell me I'm wrong.