I used to be a blue haired pansexual with a septum piercing...

[MimmyMoozer]

AMA

Exactly!

I had cropped blue hair in 1979, and wore "alternative" clothing. I was always confident about being a straight woman though. I was just into Punk Rock! 🧷 🧷

For me bisexuality doesn't include trans people. If I am attracted to a man, I am attracted to a biological man. If I am attracted to a woman, I am attracted to a biological woman.
I would not be attracted to a 'man' with a surgically constructed penis.
I wouldn't be attracted to a 'woman' with a surgically constructed vagina.

I consider myself straight now because I am married to a man and really haven't had any attraction or sexual feelings thinking about women for many many years.

But in the context of having had sex, in my lifetime, with both a male and female (regardless of what she identified as, she was a biological woman) then overall I would describe myself as having been bisexual in the past and that attraction was to the WOMAN I met at first and not what she identified into during the relationship.

I feel that bisexuality is a sexual attraction to both SEXES. Male and Female and I don't believe those 2 categories include trans people.

L- lesbian (same sex attraction)
G - Gay (same sex attraction)
B - (attraction to both those sexes)

TQIA+ (all the other stuff they want to try and label as 'queer' and pansexuality falls into this)

Extremely critical. I felt very superior in being 'right' and 'educating' people about it. I cringe so much thinking about it. I basically forced my family into using they/them or male pronouns about a female and acted out terribly if they didn't.

Like I said, I am very ashamed of my behaviour back then and I have apologised many times to my family but looking back I really do feel like it was an abusive and coercive relationship and I lost all sense of myself in trying to maintain it.

You sound fantastic!

That's very sad, and I'm glad you're out the other side now. Would there have been anything people could have said or done to help you?

No, I didn't think I was trans. I had no feelings at all that I might be 'in the wrong body' thankfully.

Thank you! I think it was a good time, because you could be the kind of woman you wanted to be, and no-one questioned your sexuality.
I think things have regressed, gender wise.
I was very engaged with feminist issues and protests and was among very strong and confident women who were determined to improve society.

Hmm, interesting train of thought.

I think most generations go through some generational revolution in fashion or style. Like the Mods or the hippies. I think my generation just happened to have My Chemical Romance and black eyeliner.

I don't ever remember wanting to look 'alternative' as something I was doing to act out negatively or stage a protest.

I really just thought it was good music and the look was cool.

Maybe some people felt it more deeply. I might have been a poser 🤣

I still listen to those same bands today ocassionally whilst cleaning though so maybe not.

A lot of people have used and continue to use 'bisexual' to mean attracted to both of the two sexes, men and women. OP can identify as bisexual and have only been attracted to men and women, you can't force blanket trans-inclusivity into someone's definition of their own sexuality.

It's only fairly recently that (some) people have redefined words like bisexual (and woman and queer and lesbian) as including various other gender identities. In our attempt to be inclusive we're losing any vocabulary to define ourselves as people who are simply attracted to both our own and the opposite sex.

I agree with this so very much.

I really do feel like all this 'progression' has done nothing but push women to the back of the line again.

I feel so sad for all the women who broke barriers generations back and smashed gender stereotypes, only for us to be back at the start with little girls thinking if they like having their hair short and have an interest in cars they must be in the wrong body, rather than just acknowledging women can do that and going on to be a kick arse female mechanic :(

At that time, probably not. Any resistance was seen by me as 'phobic' and that person just 'didn't understand and just needed to be educated' (yes, I really believed that, to my shame)

I think that the person who talked to me and framed the question of my situation and fairness within the LGBT community was really clever as it made me consider that it wasn't just me that was being told I wasn't a lesbian, but in the more general context of the community there were women having their own labels and identities removed by allowing the 'T' to change the definitions of words that had been, very clearly, sex related for many years.

It was like a stack of champagne glasses falling. Once i removed that one glass from the bottom that said 'a lesbians identity as a same sex attracted woman is valid' I just couldn't stop every other glass from shattering.

No criticism taken! You're entitled to have your feelings and interpretation of it.

I do think labels can be useful sometimes in that they can help you understand why you are the way you are and that you're not the only one that way. Obviously in this day and age the idea of labels has been taken waaaaaay toooo faaaar and everybody feels they need one.

DS has zero interest in LGBTQ+ and is not peer influenced at all, he has never had any interest in trying to fit in he just has no interest in relationships or sex. He's certainly emotionally immature for his age though so who knows if it will change. He loves being alone though, more than anyone I've ever met.

Being trans is certainly over represented in the ASD community as I'm sure is being asexual. ASD means your brain has developed differently and it wouldn't surprise me at all if both were related to that.

Why are you messing with words? Bisexual isn't anything to do with genders, the clue is in the title - bi sexual.

Pansexual is unnecessary woo woo to make someone feel more special and interesting than being bisexual does. It's right up there with NB in the 'made up nonsense to make people feel special' category.

Probably paid to post this to get engagement on posts

* can you tell us what happened when you went to the trans festival as an ally?*

I don't want to go into this too deeply because it's purely anecdotal and it was based on nothing but my own feelings whilst being there. Nothing 'happened'. Everyone was perfectly pleasant and I attended with 2 female friends. One NB female and one F2M trans.

But I just felt so uncomfortable. And I was an ally. I talked the talk. I waved the flags. I was there, at the festival (It was the Sparkle festival Manchester for anyone interested) to be a support to these people but I just did not feel right.
Something in the pit of my stomach was making me so anxious the whole time.

I'm trying to be very careful in what I say because I don't want to imply that anyone there did anything that would make me feel unsafe, that is not the case at all but I did not feel safe.
I didn't feel like anyone there would harm me at that moment in time, I was there with them, flying the right colours. Hugging these people. But some how I just didn't feel safe, I cannot explain it.

Looking around, all I saw were older transwomen (men) say 50+ in a lot of highly sexual outfits, many with 'skirts' so short that you could see what was under there. Thigh high boots etc

Lots of 'Lolita' type outfits, very frilly and a lot of hair in bunches.

And then on the flipside a lot of younger early to mid 20s trans men (women), a few who were walking around shirtless with double mastectomy scars. (And a lot of young female 'allys')

I just found being in the middle of that very eye opening and like I said, I went there as a supporter, I wasn't a 'biggot or transphobe' and i felt AWFUL for feeling that way but i left very early and later that evening after a lot of thought and contemplating I blocked the few remaining friends in that circle.

I just saw something very clearly that day and that was the last event I attended in support.

I don't think I'm interesting enough to get paid to talk about my life experience but thankyou for thinking so! I'll take it as a compliment.

Wasn't a compliment, it's brought a lot of nasty people out but it is Mumsnet so there you go

So very true. 😢
Also, the number of threads on here where women want a baby girl to dress her in pink and do "girly things" with her! Wtf! Crazy.
Now we have girls bullied for having short hair and not having nails and eyebrows done. That was me and a lot of my friends.
I think society has regressed, gender wise, there's far less tolerance and more stereotyping now.

Well they wouldn't 'pay' someone who didn't have something interesting to say, so for you to make that assumption you must think it too, I will still take it as a compliment :)

Also thankyou for repeatedly contributing to 'the engagement'

Laugh reacting here because that's not an option otherwise 😅🤣
It was not a compliment.
If you're not paid post engagement means little. Not interesting, just purposely divisive.

Wait, I thought you said I was paid?

(Thanks again for the further engagement)

It's interesting isn't it - that back in my uni days girls were all bi because it was 'out there' and now bi is not enough!

You think me telling my story is divisive?

So let me get this straight, I'm assuming you believe trans women are women by your reaction here?

So my own experience :

2 women having a sexual relationship, I am then told by my female partner that we aren't lesbians as she decides to be NB and the community and friendship group openly adminished me for questioning that and its divisive for me to say that it upset me that my own sexual label was denied to me??

But you would believe TWAW and 2 transwomen having sex IS a lesbian relationship and lesbians just need to accept that? And that isn't divisive? To tell lesbians that men with penises can be a gay woman?

But 2 gay women are no longer lesbians if one suddenly has a change of gender?

How does that make sense at all?

So gender identity is the be all and end all of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Gender is what matters, not sex?

So should we just rename it to the TQIA+ community then?

Same sex attraction isn't a thing?

😂